Friday, July 17, 2009

Scenes From A Batty Life

INT. Master Bedroom- Last night-10 pm

CANDY has just finished her nightly ritual of washing her face and brushing her teeth before retiring to bed. CANDY turns out bathroom light and enters Master Bedroom where MY GUY is awake, but drifting off to sleep in the DIMLY LIT room. DOG 3 is laying on the end of the bed. CANDY hears a slight PINGING noise in the hallway, and quickly does a mental inventory in her head. Everyone in the house has retired to their rooms for the evening and all dogs are ensconsed safely in their beds. Quizzically, CANDY focuses a look to the direction of the hallway when a small black arial creature DESCENDS upon her.


CANDY: (SCREAMS) Ahhhhh! Honey, there's a bird in the hous...oh my God, it's a bat!!!
(CANDY immediately DROPS to the floor)

MY GUY:(JUMPING out of bed and DROPPING to the floor) Holy Shit!! It is a bat!


The bat FLYS frantically around the bedroom, DIVING to ground sporadically, causing CANDY and MY GUY to DUCK thier heads repeatedly. DOG 3, neither MOVES or REACTS to event taking place before him.


CANDY: (LAUGHING hysterically while DUCKING) Honey, get it out of here!!!
MY GUY: I'm trying!!!



MY GUY brilliantly crawls over to two small french doors, that open to a small sitting perch outside the bedroom and carefully OPENS both doors creating a large area of escape for the batty intruder.


CANDY: (still LAUGHING hysterically) Is it gone???

MY GUY: (CRAWLING over to the bedroom door to shut it) Not yet...


Five minutes of the bat frantically FLYING over head and DIVING ensues. The bat finally finds the open escape route and FLYS out. MY GUY quickly SLAMS both french doors shut.


MY GUY: (now STANDING on his feet) What the F was that??? How did that get in here??

CANDY:(returning to her feet) Honey, you are my hero!!!



CANDY and MY GUY gaze at each other in relief as DOG 3 ROLLS over to continue his evening slumber, unfazed.


FADE TO BLACK

18 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

Check to see if the flue on your fireplace (if you have one) is closed and make sure you have a mesh chimney cap that animals can't get into.

My brother in-law owns a chimney sweeping business and he has had to "rescue" countless birds, racoons, squirrels, etc... from people's chimney's. Happens all the time.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

My uncle was a cop and one night he got called out because some lady had a huge bat in her bedroom.

He goes in there, gun drawn in case it should come at him. He sees the devil creature, hanging on the mirror. Carefully, he flicks the light on and the bat...

...turns out to be the lady's black bra that she hung up to dry earlier and forgot about.

SkylersDad said...

I love the dogs coming to your rescue! Yawn, call me when it's all over, zzzzzz

Travel & Dive Girl said...

Your Guy was smart by opening the french doors and letting it escape to freedom. My Guy (not so smart), used a tennis racket to take care of our flying problem. Let's just say, bats don't have the same consistency of a tennis ball. YUCK!

BeckEye said...

Oh, I'm sure it was just a vampire coming to suck your blood, you big baby.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I can't believe you were laughing, I would have been FREAKING OUT! And then I probably would have grabbed my camera.

Slyde said...

Bats!

holy crap, where the heck are you living that bats are flying all around all willy-nilly?

Wil said...

LMAO! I would have been screaming like a little school girl if that had taken me unawares like that! This was some great mental imagery. I am going with you were scantily clad just to complete the story in my head.

Wil Harrison.com

Cora said...

My grandma once had a mouse in her living room. She leapt up on the couch and screamed... and the dog immediately leapt up on to the couch too looking alarmed. Never once did it chace the mouse. Hee hee hee.

Just Jules said...

I have about 1 minute before I fall asleep on the keyboard. I just wanted to swing by and catch up. I have been out trying to chase the sun.

miss you and your humor/blog

Scott Oglesby said...

Your guy was a lot more heroic than this guy. I would have made a blanket teepee until the scary stopped.
Don’t you hate when something like that happens right before bed? It’s not easy to sleep when you are pumping with adrenaline. You have to quickly find a way to work it off. –Actually that may be a good thing!

Joanie M said...

YIKES!!!!

The Dental Maven said...

More proof of just how AWESOME you are, Girl! If I was caught in a bat swooping room, I wouldn't live to blog about it no less laugh!

And what kind of self respecting canine lies on the floor without moving during such an episode?? Better have some DNA testing done on that dog.

Scope said...

Well, not exactly the wild and exciting story from Candy's bedroom that I was expecting...

(Sorry I haven't been around much recently.)

BamaTrav said...

I want my candy, daily. If you don't mind.

Scott said...

Candy,

All that fuss over a bat...but like Wil, I pictured you scantily clad. :)

Soda and Candy said...

Hahahahha, love it. Of course the dog didn't wake up

Mr. Condescending said...

It was probably the reincarnation of weird uncle melvin!