Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Dastardly Shart


A note from the editor: I apologize ahead for today's content as it may offend some readers. My bad. As Forrest Gump somewhat said, "Candys Daily Dandy is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

My cousin told me a funny story the other day about her son and Disney World. Seems the famliy was enjoying a wonderful afternoon at the Most Magical Place On Earth. They had gone into one of the hotels for a character dinner and after the meal they stopped at the hotel game room for a rousting game of air hockey.

Evidently the food did not agree with her son because things were going great until...it happened...that dastardly little party crasher....THE SHART reared it's ugly head. My cousin said it was evident immediately, as her son's face contorted into a look of, at first surprise, then complete horror. He ran to his mother to inform her that he was indeed in a precarious position. Here they were in Disney, of all places, miles away from the sanctity of their hotel room, with a slight, shall we say.......issue.

What to do? What to do?

Seems dad took him into the men's room and they handled the problem like real men. They stripped the boy of his undergarments, cleaned up with the aid of some moistened hand towels and disposed of said undergarments in the trash receptacle located in the bathroom. Problem solved! Good for them that they did not let that little shart bastard ruin what was a fun family vacation.

I think the shart should be outlawed in all 50 states.



22 comments:

Heff said...

I'll bet when Ronnie James Dio sharted, IT REALLY ROCKED !!!

Sass said...

Ewwww....

Poor kid.

I used to work with a woman who sharted daily.

Perhaps hourly.

And frequently forgot to change.

I'm no longer hungry.

Bobby the Blue Baxojayz said...

How old was the child? If he was under 15, that's sad, but over 15, that's comedy GOLD!

BeckEye said...

Ronnie James Dio sharts stardust and rainbows.

By the way, this is like the best post title ever.

But you run the risk of being plagiarized by that Indian dude again. You know, all that Indian food makes the odds of sharting go way up.

B.E. Earl said...

I've never had it happen to me, but on one gloriously comic occasion it happened to my lovely woman. I wasn't there, but my youngest sister was witness to the spectacle. Poor Gia.

Madtexter said...

This happened to me years ago on my the way to the county courthouse to get my first passport. I'll never forget it as long as I live.

No gas pain, no perculation down there whatsoever...no, nothing...then woops! WTF?! With pinched cheeks I made it the last two blocks to the courthouse, found the men's room and blasted away. To this day I still feel sorry for the other guy in the room. I'm sure the fact that I was giggling at myself a few stalls away from him made him wonder what was so funny.

I tucked the collateral damage garments behind the toilet, and signed up for my passport G.I. Joe-style.

I still laugh just thinking about the poor sap who had to clean that men's room, and the sight of their face when they saw the gift I left behind the toilet.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Masterful shart management . . . what a quick-thinker.

Candy, this one was out of left field, even for you.

Nice job.

Scott said...

Candy,

Funny piece, and points for the Ronnie James Dio 'shart' pic!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You know what's kind of funny?

I delayed my sharting story until next week in favor of talking about my son's first day of school.

Huh.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I sharted once, and it was one time too many.

Mjenks, what a big surprise that YOU shit your pants.

Cora said...

WHAT?! Mjenk shit his pants?!

Dental said...

Now, here I was thinkin' I was all that - cause I'm down with the current lingo, and you hit me with "shart." I can't believe I didn't know that one, Girl!!! And why'd I have to hear about it this way? DANG!

The Dental Maven said...

Just back to replace my avatar missing from my above comment!

(And I haven't even had a glass of Chardonnay yet. Hmmmmpf)

wigsf said...

DIO's shart kicked my ass so hard, I sharted.

Prunella Jones said...

Hey, shart happens.

BamaTrav said...

"It's just a dollop in the dark."

Wil said...

Who dareth make fun of the Dio!?

Wil Harrison.com

Furtheron said...

I'm with Wil - who dares to diss on the greatness that is the elf of metal? ;-)

Organic Meatbag said...

That must have been the most magical shit on Earth!

Scott Oglesby said...

Wait, I’m confused. I thought that was a normal fart? That has lumps and all? No? Man I got to brush up on my etiquette.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I like how I mention that I had a sharting story, and you guys all jump to the conclusion that I shit my own pants.

I love you, too.

John said...

I don't know which is more disturbing. The thought of sharting, or the fact that Dio's head looks five times too big for his body.