Thursday, March 19, 2009

Access Dee-nied


Teens have a crazy way of letting you know they are the master of their own universe. Sometimes they even make a lot of sense. Case in point:

Frick comes home two days ago all giddy and happy. She's got that certain glow about her and she's ready to talk. I, of course, am completely thrilled and open for discussion on the topic of this newest source of her happiness as she shares with me the vital details; his name, rank and serial number.

How exciting for her! The good feelings seem to be reciprocal and youthful infatuation takes it's natural course. It would seem only logical then, that I inquire casually about her "new friend" yesterday. Right? Wrong.

ME: So, how are things with So And So?

HER: (silence)
(This is never a good sign)

ME: Did something happen?

HER: No, but I do not want to talk about it, so stop asking me all the time.

ME: Umm, I just asked you once. How does that suddenly become all the time? Besides, you were the one who was doing all the talking the other day and now the topic is off-limits? I'm confused.

HER: Exactly.

ME: Exactly, the topic is off-limits? Why is it that you can willingly share information with me but the second I inquire about it, you abruptly clam up and deny access?

HER: How about I let YOU know when I want to talk about it?

ME: (pausing for a moment to search for the right response) Well, who died and made you boss?


Did I really say that? Yes I did and I'm not proud of it. I fell victim to the oldest trick in the book. The role reversal swap. I knew she had me so I just walked away. What more could I say?

Schooled by my own child.

Access completely dee-nied!

25 comments:

Sass said...

This sounds like EVERY conversation I EVER had with my mom in high school.

I'm thinking...boarding school in Switzerland? ;)

Kidding........mostly. hee hee.

whatigotsofar said...

"I brought you into this world and I can damn sure take you out. So talk."

That's what ya gotta say.

Parents, you have to remember that you too were once a child. And remind the child of that fact. But threatening works the best.

Now, I'm no parent, in fact, I'm still a kid at heart. You can't let kids revearse the roles because they like being in charge. They shouldn't be in charge. If they were, this world would be a nasty place.

And boarding school works. It works wonders.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

lol...ahh...teenagers...I remember that time, vaugly.

Candi said...

Ugh. Teenagers.'

I can't tell you how many times I have looked at my six year old daughter and have gone into a panic attack thinking only seven more years until she hates my guts.

Have you thought about giving her the "mommy curse?" You know, where you tell her, "I can't wait till the day you have a daughter and she treats you the same way as you're treating me."

Soda and Candy said...

Oh snap!

Just be there & ready to drop whatever you're doing when she does want to talk.

B.E. Earl said...

"Who died and made you boss?" was good, but "You're not the boss of me" would have been better. ;)

Bill Stankus said...

Giddy young parents won't-don't believe those who have survived having teenagers. I suppose there is some cosmic balance. For the first 12 years, parents lovey-dovey nurture and totally get swept up in their children. Then the teens happen, karma gets a ball bat and, without mercy, pounds all that pre 12 sweetness into smithereens.

As a survivor (barely) I suggest drinking as a hobby.

Cowguy said...

Ours are all gone now... but quoting your own mother and realizing that you've done it even before you finish spitting it out... that's pure unadulterated pain.

:-)

insomniaclolita said...

My brother is like that, he's 17. I know I shouldnt play mom to him but still, I have to talk when he gets himself in trouble right?:(

SkylersDad said...

I agree with the others that you have to show them who is boss. I recommend a basement dungeon, it has worked wonders for my son! ;^)

Elenka said...

Candy, you gotta get out more....
split seat....
http://www.drillspot.com/pimages/405/40511_300.jpg

BeckEye said...

You shoulda been all like, "Oh real mature" followed by a heavy sigh, and then she woulda rolled her eyes, and then you'd be like, "OMG don't roll your eyes at me," and she'd be like "I didn't" and you'd go, "Yes you did," and she'd be like, "Oh whatever," and you could go, "Yeah that's what I thought."

Cora said...

How we will survive our children's teen years, I have no idea, Candy. I'm right there with you. But I know somehow someway we WILL survive. Gosh, I think I need a powwow with Gloria Gaynor right about now....

Jane226 said...

On first read I thought this was about teens being the master of their domain...

slopmaster said...

HA, I bet if we think hard enough, we could have turned this conversation around... you kind of killed it with the boss thing though.

It's Just Me said...

I am dreading the day! I will 4 teenagers under one roof - 4 in middle school at the same time - WHAT WAS I THINKING!

Lisa said...

ugh. I do not miss those conversations one single bit!

Take Sass's advice. Send that kid to boarding school now!! You won't be sorry. Trust us!!

Chaka said...

I have noticed similar conversations with my 16 year old. It's like they don't know how cool their parents really are until they get married. I didn't. Talking with your own teenager can be like pulling teeth.

Furtheron said...

Transactional analysis... one of the best things I've ever learnt - look it up on Wikipedia.

You feel for the oldest trick in the book, you lapsed into a negative response to her action. She was in Rebellious Child mode here - you started in adult - very good and proper. Now when you got to where you did you flipped into Critical Parent mode... not good.

A guy who tought me this stuff used to say... "the route to adult is through feelings". So you could have told her how her shuting you our made you feel, exposed your vulnerability but if she then cracked she through empathy may have come out to adult and you could have discussed it.

I try to put this into practice - poorly at times but here is an example. My daughter posted something on her website I wasn't happy with. I started in critical parent but quickly moved to how it made me feel, asked her how she thought it made others potentially feel about her. I hope it was a growing experience for her... maybe not maybe I just kid myself as well.

Sorry -long ramble ... as ever :-)

katrocket said...

You could say "Don't ever talk that way to me. You're grounded, missy."

It worked really well for my mom.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Oh, I hate that! Teenagers stink!

Sassy Britches said...

I am soooo bad at this...I was a talking FOOL to my mother, and I still am! My brother, on the other hand, has put us on a need-to-know basis. And I guess we never "need to know," as I know ZERO about him! And he lives like 5 blocks away!

Jen W said...

I'm the master of getting schooled by my 7 year old. I'm not proud of it but on multiple occasions I've been known to retort, "Soooooorrrrrryyyy!" to something she's said.

Cheryl said...

Holy crap. I just had the same conversation with my mom.

Ruggy13 said...

oh boy! the relationship ended! yikes! never good! good luck talking about that one... ever! But i think it's hilarious you said that. If I was your daughter i probably would have stopped my tude and started laughing!