Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Today's Special: Honor Thy Neighbor

Just don't piss me off or I'll be left with no choice but to reveal you to the world for what you truly are!!

I mean it! I have had it with your stupid shit and you know what? You are getting on my very last nerve!

Keep your friggin dogs quiet on Sunday mornings and your trash cans sealed properly so that said dogs can't get into them and strew your waste all over my yard and the street we live on.

Quit obnoxiously honking the horn every morning before 7am for your kids to come out while you warm up your car or, whatever it is that you do, before you drive them to school.


Stop dumping all your leaves and grass clippings into my yard. You know full well that with one strong gust of wind and they end up all over my lawn and then we have go out and clean them up again. Don't play innocent.


And, if it wouldn't be too much trouble to ask, if the UPS guy delivers a package to your house in error, please have the decency to deliver the box to us in a timely fashion. Like sometime DURING THE MONTH in which it was delivered. Not two months after the delivery. Thanks. I would appreciate it so that my Aunt in Kentucky won't think I am a complete ingrate for not acknowledging her gift with a thank you.


Just so we are clear, we are NOT friends, so when you have your little parties at your house it is not ok for your guests to park in my driveway and yes we do care if they do, thank you very much.


Now that I have gotten all that off my chest, I really do feel better. That, and the fact that I marched my ass outside this morning and hammered this into the ground for all to see, in your honor.



Have a nice day asshole!

25 comments:

Sassy Britches said...

Do you have a spare one of those I could borrow? I've got my hammer all ready to go...

Sass said...

Oh my goodness, that's so fabulous.

But, um...yeah...I don't think the sign will help. hee hee.

Andy said...

Oh, I love it when you get angry. This reminds me of when that cop got in your business when you were buying a TV and forced you to move your car.
Good times for us, bad times for you.

Dr Zibbs said...

I feel lucky that we have great neighbors.

Heff said...

Antifreeze mixes WELL with dog food.

...I'm just sayin....

B.E. Earl said...

You should get one of those portable air horns and everytime they honk their horn in the morning you should stroll out to their car and give them a huge honk right in their face. Then turn around and head back in without saying a word.

2 or 3 times and they will probably stop. Then again, they are assholes so maybe not.

SkylersDad said...

This was just wonderful, way to go with the sign!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You know what will take care of those dogs? Arsenic.

LYDIA said...

Park in your driveway? Wow... those asses!

Hello my little Candy Cane!

I have missed you so and apologize for being MIA for a long, long time. My work life was crazy busy for a month or so. But now it's back under control and I have the free time to read blogs again! Yeah! How is life?

LegalMist said...

Wow. If someone parked in my driveway uninvited, I'd have them towed. A time or two of that, and your neighbors will start warning their guests not to park there...

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

That sign is AWESOME ;) I wonder what would happen if you actually told them the cars off your property?

Joe D. said...

Welcome Back!

Oh and I've never seen you so angry. I'm scared.

Some Guy said...

As someone who has been cursed with crappy neighbors most of my life, you have my sympathy.

Giggle Pixie said...

I think I have also had that asshole for a neighbor. Thank God he's gone now. Ooops, but I'm sorry he moved in next to you! lol

Oh, but announcing it on your for sale sign might lessen your chance for a quick sale...just sayin'. HA!

Cora said...

OHHHH, BRILLIANT!!!! I love my neighbors right now, but we've had some monsters in the past and a sign like that would have been so tempting! Candy, here's hoping they move ASAP!

Scope said...

Did someone mention getting hammered? Couldn't hear right over the parties, barking dogs, and car horns.

It's Just Me said...

OMG are you serious? THAT is soooo funny! I just popped in from MN vs TX and had planned on lurking, but, couldn't resist commenting! I just about spit my tea everywhere at your blog. How funny.

Thank you for the giggle I needed it today especially.

Thanks for the peek.

Bill Stankus said...

Get yourself some junk yard dogs. That or have lots of teen parties. Maybe even sublet your garage to a few biker dudes. Thus it be the neighbors who will move.

TishTash said...

That might make it more challenging to sell. Nice show of balls, though.

Cowguy said...

LOL that's a 14 on a 1 to 10 scale.

CHEF TROLL said...

The Horn-Honk is what separates class from Trash. Even if it isn't early in the morning. I might have to re-post my neighbor-from-hell essay cause of this.

Fancy Schmancy said...

They're probably stupid enough to think it's the neighbor on the Other side...

D said...

OMG I so want one of those signs. My friends dad is hated by his neighbor (guys' a retired cop or something and quite an asshole) so the Dad took a chain, chained off his driveway and hung a sign depicting a middle finger in the air and a big FUCK YOU under it, facing the neighbor's house. It's great. Freedom of speech bitches!

Read about you from V-mom, she's right you ARE funny! =)

John said...

hehheh. I don't think that sign is conducive to your goal. ; )

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