Friday, October 24, 2008


So I was talking to my BF today and we we discussing her teenage daughter. Her daughter is a junior in high school and she has begun "dating" this senior guy recently. I say "dating" because we are not quite sure what their status is and were wondering what today's definitions of "teen" dating entail. Read on-
Her daughter, (I will call her A) and the senior guy, (I will call him D) have seen each other every day for the past three weeks. D picks up A every night after dinner and homework and they "hang out" until around 10pm. Sometimes they hang with a group of friends, sometimes they hang at A's house and sometimes they hang at D's house and have even had dinner with D's mom and dad. A and D do socialize at school occasionally, they talk briefly when passing each other in the hallway and in the cafeteria and on two occasions they have left campus to go out to lunch. They are also burning up the text lines, keeping in constant communication.

My BF asked her daughter if D was her boyfriend to which A laughingly replied , "Nooo." When my BF pressed her to define the relationship A stated, "We're just friends." Hmm. Friends who kiss? Yes, my BF can confirm that she has observed them in close proximity akin to snuggling while they were watching TV and smears of lip gloss on both faces after a night together.
But here's where it gets sketchy-A knows of another girl (a senior) who likes D and said girl has warned A to keep away from him. D is not into this girl-so he says- but the girl hangs out with D and his senior friends daily. Since A and D have begun seeing each other A has been included in social gatherings where the girl has been present. The problem is that A and D seem to be promoting their status as "friends" while any romance between them is strictly on the down-low.
My BF has had discussions with A about this and A has finally admitted that she just doesn't understand why they are in status-limbo. A has also said that for now she doesn't really care and is having fun.

OK-so I give A credit for not caring about whether or not D is her boyfriend right now but the key here is the right now part. Soon enough things will progress and as they get more intense, how does one warn against possible heartbreak or worse, ie; doing something because she thinks she has to and then getting dumped? Maybe someday soon D will proclaim to the entire student body that A is his girlfriend-maybe not. Does it really matter? But in the big picture it looks a bit like D is having his cake and eating it too-carefully. It's like he is leaving his options open, possibly until he thinks something better comes along. D has a reputation amongst his peers as a good kid, not a player by any means, a solid guy. A is a beautiful, popular and very vivacious girl. They would seem the perfect match. Why keep a possible romance a secret?
Is it the junior-senior thing? Is D doing the guy thing and keeping his options open? Is this really about D "bagging the big prize" and moving on. I hope not. As it stands right now A is absolutely enamoured with the attention she is getting from D. Can you blame her? But my BF is worried she will fall in too deep with guy who possibly does not want it known that she is his girl. I agree with her.

Does this make us out of touch? I may need to catch up on a few Gossip Girl episodes to find some answers.


Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

Call me old (also call me experienced) but I'm on the mom side. I hope she doesn't learn the hard way that the only way to keep a man is on a short leash at your feet and him begging, crying, pleading for more on his hands and knees...if not, they tend to get distracted.

Dr Zibbs said...

At first read, I thought the girl was in junior high and the boy was a senior in high school. As she's a junior in high school I think she should just let things be.

Joe D. said...

The truth of matter is "D" and "A" they're dating somewhat seriously despite the non-committal tags they've placed around their relationship. They've spent way too much time together not to be but there could be any number of reasons why "D" hasn't officially named her as his girlfriend. I think the best thing for "A" to do is tread carefully and really pay attention to the signs "D" is giving off and move accordingly.

LYDIA said...

Ok - so all moms out there will probably hate what I have to say about this.

It's hard to say whether or not D is "having his cake and eating it too" - I find with my younger siblings, and from observing dating in general these days, that people don't put a name on relationships anymore. My little sister dated someone for two years and called him a friend.

As much as you don't want A to get hurt, it's bound to happen at some point. If she is really enjoying herself right now, just let her be.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Thanks so much to all of you for your wisdom.

Lydia-I am so glad it came from you..I suspected all along that your theory was right-hence my "am I out of touch" comment. Thank you for confirming it. I could never be mad at u for speaking the truth. It is what it is. As a mom, we just naturally try to protect our lion cubs.

Coco-Old, experienced chicks rock!! and moms too;)Thanks

Zibbs- Thanks for the input. Spoken like a true father of a junior high girl who just found out his daughter is NOT dating a senior in high school. As it should be. Parents unite!

Joe-my little friend..your wisdom, most eloquently spoken here was much appreciated. You could be missing your calling..Do you peer council?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Wait! One more thing Coco-can you teach me that guy on a short leash thing?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Wait! One more thing Coco-can you teach me that guy on a short leash thing?