I'm Going To Take A Nap

TAKING A WOMAN TO BED
What is the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

Oh Lordy! Is there hope for us???

Have a great weekend Bloggers!

Pastrami On Rye

So I spent the entire day in the Empire State yesterday on a buying trip for the store, but this is not a post about New York City. No, no. This is a post about food. Glorious food. Lean Pastrami on pumpernickel bread to be exact, and I had it last night and then I dreamt about it. Good food tends to do that to you.

Myself and a couple of my colleagues drove into NYC for the day and on the way home we stopped at the famous Rein's Deli in Vernon Connecticut. Now just about everyone that does the Boston to New York drive frequently, knows Rein's because not only is it an authentic New York style deli, but it's at the half way mark between the two locales and a great place to stop for a quick bite. As you may have read here before, I gave up eating sugar a while back and in doing so I effectively gave up all kinds of breads, bad carbs, etc. But, twice a week I can splurge a meal and have whatever I want and yesterday was my splurge meal.

I had a lean pastrami Rachel on pumpernickel bread, which for you layman, is a pastrami sandwich with Swiss cheese AND coleslaw on it. I like to douse it with, GET THIS, spicy mustard AND Russian dressing. Oh my, I'm getting happy just writing about it, and if you think that the sandwich I ate last night was not good enough to warrant an entire blog post, think again. I forgot how much I missed eating sandwiches. My culinary dream began with a bowl of kosher dill pickles to prepare the pallete, then some Jewish mother's penicillin, Matzoh ball soup. My sandwich which was then presented to me slightly warm, grilled on either side of the bread. I like the first cut of pastrami, which is diet lean, no fat. This a debatable point, fat or no fat, depending on your taste buds, and I devoured the creation in it's entirety with a bit of an effort. I could not let any of it go to waste.

Pastrami sandwiches are not the norm here in the home of the Patriots and the Red Sox, as the New York deli's seem to have the copyright on the cuisine in this part of the country, so imagine my delight when sinking my teeth into that delectable sammi. It's messy to be sure, but so worth it and Rein's will gladly bring you extra napkins, if the need be. It's so delightful that we left the city at 6pm, after a long day of working with tummies grumbling, and waited until 9:30pm to have our agreed dinner at Rein's, knowing it would not disappoint.

No wonder I had dreams about it all night. Not only do I not eat like that anymore, I don't ever eat that late. But it was so worth it, and I'd do it again in a New York second. It's just that my gastrointestinal system would disagrees with me today.

Was that TMI?

Sorry, my bad.

AssBraham LinColon

How gLorious that Glee has finally arrived, and boy it's good to be back at McKinley High! The best show on television is back!!!

The glee clubbers, fresh off a summer break find themselves back at school and the target of Jew fro-Jacob's anti-glee club media blitz. In a hilarious video montage, he entitled "Gay News" Jacob berates, belittles and drags through the mud the good names of the Glee clubbers at McKinley. And nobody wants to join a club with a bad rep. Hell bent on beating Vocal Adrenaline, the New Directions know they need to recruit some new members to reach it's goal. Shue comes up with the idea of a "big song; song of the year" sung for the entire student body, so that everyone can see how cool and fresh the glee club really is and attract some new blood to audition.

The cast then throws down a seamless rendition of mega-hit, Jay-Z's "Empire State", choreographed in the school court yard. The ensemble piece showcases the endless talents of all cast members and makes us remember why Glee is a superstar in it's own right. But it doesn't work and only serves to bring students to deface the New Directions sign up sheet with names like "Buttface McBallnuts" and the aforementioned "AssBraham LinColon". Classic stuff.

A new football Coach is introduced to Sue and Shue by Principal Figgins. Ken has suffered a nervous break down and has been replaced by a woman interestingly named, Beaste. And yes, it's pronounced Beast. She starts talking to Figgins about budget cuts and the ridiculousness of a cheerleading squad with a bigger budget than the team they cheer for and she makes an enemy out of Sue. Not smart. What's surprising is that Beast brings Sue and Shue together as allies, and they agree that three is a crowd in their budget play ground. Sue gets in Beast's face and does mean things like sending her 25 pizza's unannounced and playing bully in the teachers lounge. She hopes it will send her packing and it almost does, after Will plays along and ostracizes Beast in the teachers lounge. It also costs Finn his position on the football team.

Finn and Rachel are still a couple but Artie and Tina have broken up because Tina and Mike are now an item after hooking up at Asian camp over the summer. Artie is heartbroken, and wants to join the football team to try and win Tina back so when Finn wheels Artie in to Coach Beast to tell her he wants to audition, Beast freaks out! After being embarrassed by Shue and Sue in the teacher's lounge, Beast tells Shue that she had heard about Sue and expected as much, but that people told her that Shue was decent and that they were wrong. You could almost feel the tension in Shue's struggle as he carries out Sue's plan. Beast goes back to the locker room and cries and soon after Finn wheels Artie in. Beast thinks this is all a ploy to make her look bad an she kicks them both out for good.

Rachel continues her self-absorbed journey through life as she encounters a new Fillipina exchange student in the girls room and invites her to come and "worship her while she sings" and audition for glee club. She gets the surprise of her life when newcomer, Sunshine, (teen pop star Charise), starts singing Lady Gaga's "Telephone" and Rachel is compeled to join in a feisty duet with the girl. Sunshine is amazing and Rachel is threatened but she's not the only one challenged.

Finn hears a new kid singing in the shower after football and invites him to try out for glee. Sam Evans comes and rocks "Billionaire" as the boy cast joins in. This was the song of the night. I dare say it was better than the original and I'm calling this my gLipod pick of the week. But there was so much good music this week, I'll just have to download it all!! Sam agrees to audition for glee club. He fails to show after he sees Beast kick Finn off the team and he then becomes McKinnley's quarterback.

Quinn wants back in on the Cheerios and Sue cuts her down without any chance, as well as Finn when he tries to audition for Cheerios. Funny audition for Finn, a la Will Ferrell "Old School" and the scene with Becky, the Cheerio with Down Syndrome is wonderful. But Sue's merciless tirade, filled with more cold, fake boob references than I could jot down, to Santana, after learning about her summer boob job, give Quinn the in she needed. Quick as a flash Quin is back in a Cheerios uniform and head Cheerio, much to Santana's dismay. The two have a bitter cat fight in the hallway and Shue breaks it up just in time.

Shue finds out that Rachel sent Sunshine to a crack house to audition and Rachel cops an "I did it for the team" attitude, never admitting that the truth is, she does not want to share the spotlight. Shue tells Rachel she has to make it right, and Rachel tells Sunshine to come to the auditorium to audition. Sunshine performs a powerful performance of "Listen", from "Dreamgirls" and she blows them away. I suddenly remember seeing this Charise singer on the Oprah show a few years back and she is super young and crazee talented. She is in the club.

Shue gets summoned to Figgins office where-and this is CRAZY-Sue and Brittney are lying about Coach Beast inappropriately touching Brittney. Shue immediately reminds Brittney the seriousness of an allegation like that and the repercussions of a charge like that on one's life and Brittney caves like the little school girl that she is. She utters that she made the whole thing up and then she utters something else completely inappropriate about "wanting to touch Beast's breasts herself". Sue is furious and I decide that this was a low blow, even for Sue.

But Sue always has the last word. She makes a call to Vocal Adrenaline's new director, Cheyenne Jackson from 30 Rock. They steal Sunshine for the cheap price of a condo for Sunshine and her mom and green cards. Sunshine says she might have stayed, but Rachel was mean to her by sending her to a crack house. Rachel swears she did it for everyone else, but Finn gets her to admit she did it because she does not want to share the spotlight. Rachel then sings the classic, "What I did for Love" to close out the episode.

I want more. I love this cast. I loved this episode. I love Glee.
Next week: The Britney Spears episode.....I can hardly wait.

Killing Time

The older I get the more I feel like I'm just here, killing time. Somedays, I look at the clock and it's already half past the day and I feel like I got nothing accomplished. But then again, what was it that I really set out to do? Good question.

Anyway, when the dinner table has been cleared and the dishes have been done, I know what it is I set out to do and that's watch a little TV and get lost in a fictional reality. It's really one of my life's simpler pleasures. And this week is a doozy! Premier week! All of my favorite shows are back and better than ever.

Let's take a look at my weekly viewing schedule:

MONDAY: 8pm, House on Fox. I have watched this show since it's inception. I love that curmudgeon Dr House. He's so intriguing.

Last night I watched the new Fox show, Lonestar at 9pm on Fox. I really liked it! It's about a young, handsome con-man living a double life. His problem is his greedy, dangerous father, played by David Keith.He's the guy who starred in "An Officer and a Gentleman" as Sid Worley, Richard Gere's best buddy who killed himself. Good stuff. This show could be big.

10pm, CSI:Miami on NBC

10pm,Weeds on Showtime. I never quite make it to 10pm so I DVR this one and watch it on Tuesday's before Glee.

TUESDAY: 8pm, Glee on Fox. DO I really need to say how much I LOVE this show??? Tune in on Wednesday for The Daily Dandy's Full Glee recap. Huge fan.

8pm, NCIS on CBS. Nothing can keep me from Glee on Tuesday nights, so I usually wait until Wednesday to watch NCIS on On-Demand.

WEDNESDAY: Nothing on Wednesday has really caught my attention, so here's where I catch up on the Kardashians, or watch whatever else I haven't seen on the DVR yet.

THURSDAY: 9pm, CSI on CBS. This used to be the best show on television, but it's played out and old. Ever loyal, I continue to watch because I love the characters and I am now invested in their plight, however old it may seem. BUT, CSI still has some magic left in it's top hat. Every once in a while it blows me away with an episode. That's why I still watch it.

FRIDAY AND SATURDAY: It's either date night or Dateline NBC night. Sometimes those true crime stories keep me awake at night, and sometimes the kids watch it with us and usually its a good lesson to teach them about the sickos in this world. Or we'll watch a movie.

You'd think I could find a better way to kill some time, right? Like read a classic book or a magazine like the New Yorker, right? Or knit my family some scarves, hats and mittens for the winter. Last time I checked, the only magazine that comes to my house that gets read immediately is the US Weekly.

Yup, the older I get the more I feel like I am just here, killing time.

Step Away From The Credit Card And Nobody Gets Hurt...

Issues...
I have issues and I can't seem to stop.

Impulsive...
It's not impulsive. I need all these things.

Help...
I need help because I'm spiraling out of control.

Not really, because what I really need are those really cute dark Diesel skinny jeans I bought with my new thigh-high chocolate brown suede Michael Kors boots and a white Vince t-shirt. I'll pair that with my new crocodile skin shoulder bag and the sexy, beige, short leather jacket from Vince that I bought to go with everything.

What?

Listen, Fall is a buying season and I am just doing my part to help out our economy. So what I happen to find myself with the weekend off and I spent the entire two days shopping like it was a test and I was the class over achiever. Shame on My Guy for leaving me alone with the mall. Fall is a transition season, and most people find themselves in need of some fashion essentials to get them through to the winter. Six pairs of shoes this weekend. And YES, I needed them all.

My problem is that I have to have it all. It's not about needing them, it's about WANTING them. Yes, I'm getting that, and that, and that, and yes, of course, that. Oh yeah, and throw that in too! Why not. Since I lost some weight, it all looks good. Such a curse, I know, but I can't choose. It's a good thing Frick was busy all weekend or she would have been right there next to me and on my dime. My partner in crime and yes, the apple does not fall far from the tree. But how can I say no when it all looks soo cuuuuute on her???

I am very decisive too. Not one to waver, I either want it or not. And when I want it I don't turn back. I have to have it, and I'll figure out the logistics of the purchase later.

You know, I work all week and it's a good thing too, because I could not be let loose on a daily basis. Not me. Wrong girl. I am a sucker for beautiful things. Come to think of it, I work in a boutique that sells beautiful things. All. Day. Long. And I do pretty well at that boutique. On a daily basis.

Well, maybe not everyday.

Most days.

A lot of days.

I got issues.

Boy Bashing

So here I am in my bliss full, still-on-my-honeymoon phase of just-married life and someone sends me this:

To all those men who say, 'Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Hee hee! Tough talk. I received that little blurb in my email the other day and I thought I would share it with you. I call this practice, "boy bashing" and to be blunt, every once in a while we all need to engage in a little "boy bashing". It puts perspective on that age old HE vs. SHE debate. And there's power in numbers. Even I had to sort of chuckle when I read these. It more than makes me lean toward my fellow sister's team.

1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.

2 Men are like Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like .. Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12! . Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Sorry fellas, you know how much I love you all, but us girls know that on those game nights downstairs in your buddy's "man-cave", or on your golf "man-cations", or even on boys poker nights, you boys come up with some doosies that bash us girls.

It's all in good fun. Right ladies?

So like they say, "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen." Which you guys do so well anyway....

They're Just Boobs Boys

My good friend Jim brought this story to my attention yesterday. I had already read all about it and had it on my radar when Jim inquired about my perspective on the issue.

If you aren't aware of the story here's the condensed version which reads like every other female sports reporter/locker room harassment scandal story in the past 20 years.

Mexican TV network, TV Azteca reporter Ines Sainz was covering Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez in the Jets locker room over the weekend when some of the players began making inappropriate comments about her. So much so, that it prompted another reporter to walk over to her and apologize for the way she was being treated and still another reporter to report their behavior to the league. Prior to the locker room experience, the players had even been cat-calling out to her and threw footballs in her direction while on the practice field.

Why? Because Ines is smokin' hot and it's a fact that she uses her smokin' hotness to promote her career.



Yeah. So. What.



Does that mean she's asking for it? That she deserves it? Such questions lie at the center of this debate.

Does she act professionally when on the job? All accounts say yes. Ines has been reporting for TV Azteca for 9 years. She, herself stated that although embarrassed by the Jets actions, she didn't take it "to heart" and continued on with the job at hand. She, herself stated that she did NOT report the incident to the NFL, and that she never felt threatened. Sainz said today she did not hear exactly what was being said in the locker room. "I pretended not to notice," she told "Good Morning America." "I was focused on my job."

Sounds to me like she's been here before and sounds to me like she carried on just as she has in the past. Professionally. The problem for some is that Ines is waaaay to gorgeous and dressed waaay too "provocatively" for sports reporting. Who says? There can be no arguing that Ines is a sexy, gorgeous woman who dresses her part, promoting that sexy-ness. That's her "schtick", as they say. Her tight jeans, (which if you google image Ines Sainz, more than 15 pictures of her ass in tight jeans come up) are kind of like Harry Caray's glasses although Ines' jeans don't seem medically necessary. Minor point. The point here is that no matter what she looks like and no matter how she's dressed, she does not deserve to be treated with sexual harassment in the work place or any place else for that matter. And herein lies the "thin line which is hard to cross" in this debate. Ines claims "it's my style. all my life", and that she is not trying to provoke anything.

Here's what I think for whatever it's worth.

I don't think women reporters should be in the locker rooms. I don't think they belong there.

I know because I've been there and if the athletes act unprofessionally and with disrespect towards female reporters, it makes for a terrible working environment. Forget what being the subject of that can do to one's psyche. Sophomoric behavior will continue to take place if reporters continue to do business in the locker room, and female reporters will always be part of the press whether dressed provocatively or not.

Now, I'm not saying restrict females from the locker rooms. Not at all. I'm saying restrict all press from the locker rooms. There is no need for them to be in there anyway, and conduct business outside the locker room in a press room. This will in no way put an end to those who will continue to cat call and whistle when she is working, but it will put all reporters on even ground which means they will all be dressed and ready for the Q&A.

And don't blame Ines Sainz. "Sainz said she chooses clothing that she considers attractive. "All [women] like to be attractive," she said. "In Mexico, I'm very well known for my image and my work."