Monday, November 10, 2008

Gentelmen (and ladies), start your engines!!!

*Please be advised, the content presented here is adult in nature and may contain the use of profanity and sexually explicit content. Content of this nature is expressed here today only for the purposes of the electoral process and not usually contained within writings posted on this site daily. Kinda.

I received 26 equally hilarious posts and comments for nomination to the Hall of Fame. That being said, my job, to whittle them down to only 10, was NOT easy. Then, you factor in that what may strike some as comical may not be as funny to another, and you begin to see my conundrum. It is also the beauty of this democratic process.

So, taking into consideration the fact that there is so much good stuff here, I decided to post the top 15 for consideration on the ballot (can you blame me?) and the other 10 for the category of Honorable Mention.

The guide lines for the election are as follows:
  • The nominations are numbered so that you can correspond your vote with your favorite numbered comment nominee on the ballot.

  • The blogger who nominated the other is named first, then the URL linking you to the post with the nominee's comment and then the actual comment nominated. *a word of caution: I got so lost in all the other hilarious comments on the posts that I had to keep going back and checking to see who was nominated. Better to stay the course, for the integrity of your vote-then go back and re-read later.

  • Voting ends at 3am EST tonight. You may vote for as many nominees as you like-and let's employ the honor system here-but you may only vote for a nominee ONCE.

  • The voting is open to ALL bloggers. You need not have nominated someone in order to cast a vote.

  • The winner will be revealed Tuesday morning.

Without further adieu, I present to you the NOMINEES: (in no specific order)

#1. Falwless nominated Mike for:
http://everythingilikecausescancer.blogspot.com/2008/10/atonement.html

mike said...
I don't even think that's a real unicorn.
#2. MeLO nominated The iNDefatigable mjenks for:

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...
Wow. I was afraid we were gonna go all Sharks and Jets there for a second.
#3. Dr Zibbs nominated Words, Words, Words for:

words words words said...
I say he's getting you accustomed to this form of communication so that he can fulfill his legal requirement to notify you that he's a sex offender without actually talking to you face to face.Even if that's NOT it, this is the best thing that could ever happen to your blog. I'm jealous
#4. Dr. Zibbs nominated Whiskeymarie for:

Whiskeymarie said...
I actually once dated a guy who basically just left me a note. He ended up being the boyfriend who didn't ever really have a job who played Nintendo all day naked, but it really did have a sweet beginning. Our first date was (and I don't say gross stuff like this often)...magical. Who cares if it's the garbageman? That means he has a steady job and will bring you all sorts of cool stuff that he found on his route, like broken chairs and unwanted babies.
#5. Candy nominated Vodka Mom for:

Vodka Mom said...
sweet baby jesus. Finger condoms? I'd type more, but it's hard to type with one hand, while the other is protecting my a**.
#6 Gwen nominated Eric (who I am assuming is this funny dude) for:

Eric said...
I'm waiting to see one of these headlines from the Post Dispatch...
Joe "Six Pack" Biden Caught Trolling for Walleye
Completely Hairless Woman Terrifies Small Children With Lack Of Eyelashes
Metropolitan St. Louis Sewer District Tells Soulard Woman – We've Taken About Enough Of Your S**t
Local Office Worker "Works From Home" on Fridays. Rest of Office Sees 15% Productivity Increase.
Angie Devastated As Brad Elopes With Her ARCH Nemesis
#7. Falwess nominated Beckeye for:
BeckEye said...
You know that elevator that you're on has an H for "Hell," don't you?
#8 Falwess nominated Dr. Zibbs for:

Dr Zibbs said...
Falwless, you've got a good blog, but when it comes to Science, you don't know shit. Let me field this question. You see, when you got a proton and you want to split it..wait..there's an atom split but it's very small so when...uh..I gotta go.
* funny post Fal-equally funny comment Zibbsy; but be sure to read mjenks comment also. it was TRUE genius.
#9. Candy nominated Slyde for:

Slyde said...the dog is just being framed by the white man...
#10. Candy nominated Poobomber for:

Poobomber said...
You forgot to mention Bob likes spanking and hardcore a**play and a*al, while Mavis likes double penetration and dirty sex with strangers.
They're the perfect couple. They thank Jesus every time when Bob can pick up a hitchhiker leaving Mt. Rushmore, bring him home, tie him up, and he and Mavis can get their freak on....

*click above to read the rest. Great Stuff. BTW-you both should write a book about the life of Bob and Mavis. Good times.
#11. Gwen nominated Pistols at Dawn for:
pistols at dawn said...
Finally, someone using children for their intended purpose: prop comedy.
#12. Gwen nominated McGone for:
McGone said...
Is it gross to make out with an elf?Not at all, but if you are expecting them to call you the next day, you'll be very disappointed.I'm sorry, I have to go. I have something in my eye.
#13. Fancy Schmancy nominated Dr. Zibbs for:
Dr Zibbs said...
That lady is a jerk! But how funny would it have been if when you asked the kids where his mom was he was really a midge like on the Warner Brothers cartoons, "Listen seee, I'm a full grown man. Whadya talkin' about lady?"
*read further the back and forth with Fancy and Zibbs. Great stuff.
#14. The Imaginary Reviewer nominated Beckeye for:

BeckEye said...
I went to high school with this girl who was a crazy born again Christian, and she told me that horoscopes were the "gateway" to devil worship. Well sir, talk about being able to predict the future! One night, after she told me that for the umpteenth time, I ripped her tongue out, cut her throat and offered up her blood to the Dark One. She's my zombie slave now and, gosh, we still laugh about the irony of that whole thing.

#15. Gwen nominated The Lady Who Dosen't Lunch, Falwess, Suze, and Whiskeymarie for:
Falwless said...
*moves tent to back porch*
The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...
I'm very sorry. I pooped in your bushes while I was waiting.
Suze said...
Camping on your front porch - ha? I broke into your house, drank your alcohol, slept in your bed and ate the last of your Rice Krispies. Wait....you do live in New Jersey right? gulp...right?
Whiskeymarie said...
I was camping on what I THOUGHT was your porch...Your neighbors have no sense of humor whatsoever. You'd think they would have been HAPPY to come home to a passed out drunk chick in her underwear. Hmmm...maybe it was the vomit in the mailbox that they were mad about. Who can really say?

So there you have your Top 15 nominees for consideration. As I said, this was not easy so if you didn't see your favorite above, you can cast a vote for them in the Honorable Mention category.

Honorable Mention Nominees are as follows: (in no specific order)

#1. Dr Zibbs nominated Some Guy for:
Some Guy said...
I actually prefer StatCounter for my statistical needs (I have used Google Analytics, too). It seems like it's much more detailed. For example, it tells me what people are wearing when they read my blog. Seriously, some of you people are pretty depraved.
#2. Gwen nominated Gwen and Whiskeymarie for:

Gwen said...
Whiskeymarie is a man.Oh shit, that's not MY secret to tell. Oops
Whiskeymarie said...
I had something funny to say, but I was laughing so hard at what Gwen said that I forgot what it was. Oh yeah- Gwen has a "thing" for midgets, and she has webbed feet.
Gwen said...
Whiskeymarie speaks the truth; I'm a very good swimmer.
#3. Falwess nominated Dr. Zibbs for:

Dr Zibbs said...
Mavis: Bob! We're on the Internet!
Bob: Did we win something?
Mavis: I don't know...it.. looks like...we're getting made fun of.
Bob: Get my gun.
#4 Candy nominated The iNDefatigable mjenks for:
*don't read the whole thing-well, you can if you want to- but scroll down to the picture of Mel Gibson and read just that.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...
That chick to the left looks Jewish. You think Mel's uncomfortable?
#5. Gwen nominated Falwess for:
But Falwess graciously denominated herself. I just love this post! It is hilarious and Gwen's comment is a classic to which the Lady who dosen't lunch's reply is great too! A vote here is for all three of them!

Falwless said...
I cannot stop laughing. F**K. This is way funnier than anything I have ever posted on my blog ever. In the history of ever. I may just have to rename my blog after seeing this post. Or add the addendum (except for Gifts from a Broad). S**t.I'm gonna go read it again and laugh like I've never read it before. It's always better the second time around because then you know when the good parts are coming up.God I need a life.
Gwen said:
A gaggle of Car Sh***ing F**k Knuckles destroyed the interior of my convertible once. I've had the it hand-detailed twice and that s**t won't come off in some places. The same night someone stole the instruction manual for my car out of the glove box. I didn't lock it because, really, who steals a f**king instruction manual?!? A dipsh*t who can't likely read, that's who.Oh Lady, you've got me riled up now. Look out.
The Lady Who Doesn’t Lunch said:
Gwen - It's the Elmer's glue in their diet that keeps the s**t sticking for decades. Little bastards. Calm down Gwennie - get a drink.
#6. Gwen nominated The Imaginary Reviewer for:
The Imaginary Reviewer said...
Wow, he's playing a hand? That's impressive. Soon he'll work his way up to being a groin, then a torso, and eventually he'll be a whole boy!
#7. Gwen nominated Anonymous for:
Anonymous said...
Gwen and Brian: The first meeting.
Gwen: It's so nice to finally meet you!
Brian: (Scribble, scribble, scribble)
Gwen: You say "You have watched me from afar and have been too shy to come forward." How cute!

*click above to read the entire comment.



#8. Mr. nominated Big Ben for:

· Big Ben said:
There is no doubt I would have punched him in the face.
· Big Ben said:
on second thought I don’t want to fight someone with an erection
#9. Fancy Schmancy nominated Kate for:

kate said...
Ha! That is a great story!! And I'm sooo glad I'm not the only one. Last year, when my daughter was in first grade, I went to pick her up from school. Another (very proper) mother and I were discussing a play date and pick up times. I MEANT to ask "What time to you eat dinner?" Instead I asked "What time do you start drinking?" Yes, I'm afraid I did.
#10. Dr. Zibbs nominated McGone for:

McGone said...
It would really be a cherry on top if the owner said "OK, now that you have the costume on, let's practice the dance moves."

Told you this would take some time. My work here is done. Happy Voting!!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Please pardon any inconvienience during the construction...

Finally. "We will wait no longer for the crumbs at America's door...., (well just long enough till my next post) The day has arrived to vote to crown the first Candy's Daily Dandy Comment Content Comedy Hall of Famer. Hooray! I will be posting the top ten nominees and their gut-busting comments in the next few hours so keep checking!
Oh what a ride it has been!

Over the past 72 hours I have received many hilarious, obscene, outrageous, amazing and laugh out loud nominations for the Comment Content Comedy Hall of Fame. Let me first say a huge THANK YOU to all the bloggers who have participated. (I love you guys!)

This zany, fun filled, time consuming trip began on Friday when I spent the entire day gratuitously pimping myself out all over the bloggersphere. I am NOT ashamed to admit that I did some serious butt licking, trying to get the word out and on more than a few occasions I damn near made myself sick.
(Like when I was leaving Jon from Extraneous Kickassery a comment to get him to play-him being my Beantown homey and all-imploring a fellow member of the Nation (Red Sox Nation) to check it out. I read it back to myself and suddenly realized I had reached a new low by abusing the sanctity of the Nation and deleted it. )

But I did it for the integrity of the Hall of Fame and I would do it all again.

Was it worth it? Hell yes! We got some really funny stuff, so when the time comes, VOTE and VOTE often.

Of course I have my favorite's, as I am sure you do, and I couldn't begin to tell you who the winner will be. The suspense is just about killing me. BUT-I can tell you this:

This process will most certainly take you some time. (I oughta know since I have been doing this all fricken weekend) My suggestion would be to view the nominees when you have a free block of time to take them all in, uninterrupted.

The last thing I need to do is thank three of my favorite blogger people in the universe. Zibsy, Poobomber and Gwen. I want you three to know that I know there is no way I could have EVER even come close to getting the response that I got without your help and support. I offer you my sincerest gratitude.

Again, the games will begin in the next few hours. So, in preperation for the task at hand, I present you with a small sample of great comedic genius at work.

To thank my Big Three, I present these posts that have caused me, personally, laugh out loud moments that have sent my family running through the house to see what the heck was going on.

Zibbs-If a picture speaks a thousand words then...you sir are the master.

http://thatblueyak.blogspot.com/2008/11/hot-tub-action-potential-tonight.html

Peebs- I am quite sure that there are far better ones, but this is the post that made me a complete The Other Side of Normal groupie.

http://othersideofnormal.com/2008/11/proposed-voting-rules/#comments

Gwen-I didn't choose this one because it's about me-I chose it because it illustrates that special "Gwen'e sais quois" that I'm learning only you posses. I love how you put your little Gwenzie spin on my story. Check out my comment-( and can I get an honorable mention for that?)and never one to be out done-Gwen's response to my comment.

http://everythingilikecausescancer.blogspot.com/2008/11/its-just-wafer-thin-mint.html


So, like Ahhnold in the Terminator-I'LL BE BACK!!!!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Candy's Daily Dandy Comment Content Comedy Hall of Fame


I am pretty new to the wonders of having my own blog. I started The Daily Dandy on the last day of August 2008, as a place for my unemployed butt to go and write everyday so I could hone my writing skills. 2.7 months later and ridiculously, almost everything I see or hear becomes potential fodder for my blog. Most mornings I am rushing the kids and My Guy on their way out of the house just so I can get to my beloved bloggersphere. Here the world is truly my oyster.

At first I wrote simply and for myself. I was experimenting with this new entity for my ideas. I told no one and (as all writers do) I fell in love with my words in written form up on the screen. I got no comments and I didn't care. I was happy just writing. Then it happened. I got my first comment from a blogger, Miss Liddy. She gave me those few words of encouragement and a question or two and I was inspired to work harder, knowing someone was listening. (Thanks Lids, you will always be my BFF and where ever you blog, I will follow.)

I have learned and laughed so much by reading all your blogs, especially you Zibsy;) the blog master extraordinaire. Some day's it takes me longer to read all your blogs and comment on your amazing content, than it does to post my own blog. But it's THAT important. Thank God I don't have a job!!

By now we can all relate to how the comment is like the crack that keeps us junkies going, so I decided to try out the Comment Content Comedy Hall of Fame. I say, "try" because I'm not quite sure if I get enough traffic on my blog for this to work.* I may need some help with this with shout outs from Poobomber or Zibbs sites(If you guys are interested. Hell, I spend way too much time on their blogs as it is) but give a sister a chance and implore all your favorite bloggers to come over here and nominate a comment for consideration.

The Comment Content Comedy Hall of Fame works like this:


1. Post a comment in the comment section of this blog post with only the name of your blogger Hall of Fame nominee and the link to your site where his/her comment is posted. You may nominate more than one blogger for consideration, but their comments had better be knee slapping hilarious!


2. I will retrieve the comments (maybe you will too) and, depending on the response I get, whittle down the nominees and post the top ten on Monday. The post will be up all weekend, the deadline is 12am Sunday, Nov 9th. That should give you plenty of time to come up with the good ones and get the word out.

3. If all goes smoothly, on Monday, after I post the top 10 for consideration, I will post a ballot on the Daily Dandy's sidebar and we will ALL choose the winners.

I will go first and give you an example from my short list of legendary comments:


I wrote a post entitled: See Buddy. The url for that post is: http://candysdailydandy.blogspot.com/search/label/See%20Buddy

Slyde from Slydesblog said:

Slyde said...
the dog is just being framed by the white man...

HAHAHA! Pure gold! Great job Slyde! I swear your comment had me giggling all day.

So there you have it! The FIRST nomination for the Candy's Daily Dandy Comment Content Comedy Hall of Fame! Good luck Slyde baby!


Who knows, maybe I'll even make up one of those award-thingy's that people can post on the side bar of their blog. Wouldn't you want to be the #1 Comment Content Comedy Hall of Famer, proudly displaying it for the entire bloggersphere to see? (Peebs, can you show me how to do that?)

*once again, the magnificent Prof. Zibbz has provided me with the answer to this question. thanks Zibsy-love Eliza.

*oh yeah, I try to keep my blog as family-friendly as possible. I don't mind racy content, but overly obscene content may be edited and profanity written with ***'s.

Random crap you didn't know about me and don't really care about for that matter.

Among my numerous talents, I have this uncanny ability, while watching a TV show or a movie to recognize a B-list actor's face and somehow place them in a previous role. It may take me a few moments, but I always figure it out. My Guy sometimes challenges me on it, but I am very rarely wrong. And I have been right about some pretty obscure ones too. I know; it's a gift, and it happens to me all the time. Has this happened to you?

Case in point: I was watching CSI:Miami last night. The episode was about this big time mob boss Joey Salucci and his revenge for the accidental death of his daughter. Yada, yada, yada, so I'm looking at the guy, Joey Salucci, and listening to him and my mind kicks into the, "where have I seen him before" mode. I couldn't tell you what heck was going on in the episode, cuz all I could think about is, "I know I've seen this guy in a movie before".

My mind was busy getting all kinds of messages from the karmic world. The information my brain was receiving told me he once played a whiney, wimpy little dude with more hair and he was possibly crying for mercy and begging for his life. I think about his accent, detecting a slight Boston drawl, and begin to try to place him in famous Boston based films. The Departed? Mystic River? Nothing. The grainy images of the whiney actor began scanning through my mind, much like a CSI finger print as it is run through KODIS, looking for a hit. SCANNING......NO MATCH FOUND. Dang.
Anyway, I finish watching the episode and leave to go to pick up my son at hockey practice. As we arrive home and come into the garage, I am walking into the house when the answer hits me! Beverly Hills Cop! That's it! That's the movie! Damn, I am good!!!!

The actor's name is James Russo and he played Mikey Tandino in the original 1984 Beverly Hills Cop film. Remember? He was Eddie Murphy's best friend who was murdered in the beginning by Victor Matlin's thugs for stealing some kind of bonds? His death was the reason Axel went to Beverly Hills to investigate. Yup, got all whiney and crying right before that really ugly guy shot him. Russo has been in hundreds of other films like Lethal Weapon 3, Donnie Brasco and Fast Times At Ridgemont High, all of which I have seen, but his Beverly Hills Cop role is what came to mind. Weird. Oh yeah, I was wrong about his accent too. He is from New York not Boston, but close enough.
I told you this happens to me all the time, so I just want to share this last thing with you and since you really don't care anyway, what the hell.
One time My Guy and I were in Vegas at the Venitian. We go to sit down at one of the black jack tables and I look at this pretty blonde woman sitting across from me and I feel a flicker of recognition. So, of course, without thinking, I say, "You look familiar to me. Do I know you?" I should have known from her reaction, (which was to immediately loose her smile, break eye contact with me and turn away, in the form of a response) because I later figured out that she wasn't someone's random mother from the PTA like I thought. She was a movie version of an iconic figure from my childhood. She was this woman.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Hail to the Chief

Barak Obama
White House
Washington, DC
USA

Dear Mr. President-Elect,

Hail to the Chief! Congrats to you and yours on a magnificent Presidential win. Now that it is all behind you, I think you'll probably be sleeping like Santa after Christmas day. I wanted to be one of the first ones to wish you good luck on the tough road ahead. I know you of all people know that it's not going to be easy. The best part about today, the day after your win, is that there is no more, "your side, my side,"what's left is the hope that we are all on OUR side. I think our country could handle a large dose of that.

There are just a few things I wanted to ask of you. Could you try your best to be a legendary leader? If anybody can do it, you can. Keep us safe from terror domestically and take our troops home so that we don't loose any more of our great men and women. The time has come.

Make us proud. Proud that we have made history in this great country by choosing our first black president, not just for the color of his skin, but for the power of his message. Let your commanding oration be a beacon for all that is possible in this world.

Lead by example and choose your advisers wisely. Never, even once, compromise what is right and good for the sake of being popular.

Show the world the resiliency of our powerful nation and help us to get out of this financial mess we are blanketed in. I don't expect miracles but where you lead I will follow, trusting that you will point us in the right direction.

Be a man of integrity. Both home and abroad. Teach us how to be a father and husband, all the while maintaining the most important job in the country.

Most of all, be safe. There are alot of crazy people out there who are NOT happy you won the election. I will pray for your saftey against ignorance. Thank you in advance for putting your life on the line for us every day you are in office so that we can be inspired.

God bless and godspeed,
Thanks for listening,
Candy

Monday, November 3, 2008

See Buddy

See BUDDY.
BUDDY is an energetic, sweet, over zealous, white boxer.



See BUDDY'S school bus.
BUDDY goes to school on Monday's so he can socialize in a large group with other over zealous dogs. Let's just say that yesterday was NOT a good day at school for BUDDY.



See BUDDY'S mug shot.





BUDDY is in the clink facing a possible 10-20 on multiple charges of statutory rape and aggravated sexual assault on more than a few of his female school mates.

Bad BUDDY, bad dog!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Political Science


I make it a rule never to discuss politics with people I don't know or trust as a result of a bad experience. BUT-the other day, my guy (an Obama man), recommended I take a shot at this:
The Obama-Biden tax calculator and I found it quite interesting. At first look, I thought this tool to be a by-product of partisan politics, so I did a little research. The information used to create the tax calculator was compiled in a 36 page report by an independent, non-partisan group at The Tax Policy Center. Both candidates have their own version of this tool, but Obama's is the only interactive one.
I'm sure by now most of you have seen the tax calculator on one or both of the candidate's web site's. If you haven't, and you're skeptical of it's politics like I was, it's worth a look. Click here to view either the full report or a summarized explanation of the tax credit study.

I decided to seize the moment and utilize our basic democratic principles to try an experiment. So, in honor of to today's political climate and in the spirit of "let's throw it against the wall and see what sticks", click here: The Obama-Biden Tax Calculator and calculate your tax credit under both candidates. It's super quick and easy. Then, for the sake of science, would you be so kind as to come back to The Daily Dandy and take my poll. If you have already calculated your credit then please take part in the poll on the sidebar of The Dandy before leaving.

Thank you in advance for your participation. It should be interesting to see whose S**T does stick...or stink for that matter.