Thursday, February 10, 2011

Top Ten Reasons Why I Need A Fricken Vacation

I'm just about ready to blow my vacation load and I've got one week left till I get the hell outta Dodge and hit vacation nirvana. Here's why:

10. SNOW. Snow, then more snow and if that wasn't enough here's a little more snow. And by now, it's not even pretty. It's fricken black and yellow and dirty, icy and dangerous. The snow banks are so high you literally take your life into your own hands by getting into your car. The street I live on is too narrow (because of the snow) for two cars to pass. If you get caught with another car, one has to find the nearest driveway to pull into.

9. It's February. Besides being the shortest month of the year, (thank God) February has got to be the WORST month of the year. We are still on that "most wonderful time of the year" hangover and stuck in the middle of "nothing to look forward to". February's only redeeming quality: GREAT SALES, on winter clothes and shoes, but I can live with that.

8. White skin. Yeah, my milky white legs and arms just aren't doing my psyche any good at all. And I've been working out like a highly trained athlete. Still, it's not attractive. Even a gradual self-tanner (which I highly recommend for this time of year) isn't doing the trick. I need good old vitamin D to pump things up a bit.

7. Burn out. Try as I might, that same old, same old is getting just plain old. The comfort of my everyday routine just isn't the same when it's frigid outside. Although a glass of wine always seems to help.

6. My Dogs. Now, you all know I love my dogs, God bless em', but lately THEY SUCK! Too much snow and bitter cold makes them think that it's OK to piss and shit INSIDE the house instead of outside the house like they are supposed to. Then, they look at me all innocent, like I'm the bad guy.

5. I haven't had one since my honeymoon. September 2010. Need I say more?

4. Did I mention burn out? What is it about this time of year that signals the crash and burn mode? No wonder they call it Spring fever, cuz right now I'm suffering from the Winter flu.

3. Every thing seems better when you are on vacation. The grass is greener, the food tastes better and everything looks better when you step outside your surroundings for a few days and take on another perspective. Even things that annoy the crap out of you don't seem so bad when you are away on vacation.

2. Everything seems better when you come home from vacation. Global crisis is much easier to handle after you've spent two weeks in the Caribbean soaking in the sun. Taking it on the chin from your boss just seems tolerable after you've toured the South of France for a week. Don't you agree?

And the number one reason Why I Need A Fricken Vacation?

1. Cuz I can. Don't be a hater...


Cora said...

Yeah, you guys NEED to get away from that snow! I imagine it's kind of depressing by this point seeing all that snow all day every day.

Go! Get some sun!

Tom said...

You had me at #10, but I agree with all of your reasons and am jealous since I don't have time scheduled off until October.

sybil law said...

I am so effing sick of the COLD. Bring on the beach!

toemailer said...

All excellent reasons, I wish I was going somewhere warm myself!

BamaTrav said...

I blew my load when you said you blew your load, did you say that? Maybe I just dreamed it. Take a few days to re-wind. I love snow.

the walking man said...

so when are you going to vacay in beautiful mostly snow less Detroit?
Are are you stuck on those places where you can actually relax?