Twisted Mommy Meme

It is a well documented fact that I am not a big fan of the blogger, "meme". Having said that, there are only a few reasons for me to comply with being tagged, one of which is a genuine fondness for the blogger doing the tagging.

Such is the case with The Dental Maven, who tagged me for the Motherhood Meme. In the short time since we have connected, Maven, or Mave, as I call her, has fast become a staple in my blogging routine. Her blog, "Know Your Teeth" is not only genius, but as unique and hilarious as The Maven herself. The topics range from pop culture to daily hygiene issues and always revolve around oral health. It is a certainty that The Dental Maven will make you think as well as make you laugh and her blog is worth a peek, as she has created her own unique spin on niche blogging.

So to comply with this Mommy Meme, I must list 5 things I love about motherhood and tag 5 bloggers to do the same. Since this is The Daily Dandy and I ruin everything by showing no respect for that which is sacred, I decided to instead list five things, tongue in cheek, that I love about being a mother. I know The Mave will forgive me, for I am nothing if not a loose cannon who marches to the beat of my own ipod. So here goes:

1. I love the fact that I can swear like a truck driver at my teens, but the second they utter even a somewhat mild form of profanity, I feign shock and horror at them, immediately punish them, and question the "hoodlums" that they spend their time with.

2. I love that my kids are afraid of me, but at the same time they have no problem crapping all over everything I have taught them. They damn well should be afraid, and if they think for one minute that I am just going to lay down and let them walk all over me, they would be right. I'm too freakin tired.

3. I love the fact that my being their personal ATM is, at times, a two-way street. That's right bloggers, I sometimes jack the kids wallets when I need some cash for the pizza guy or I'm just too lazy to go to the bank that day. And because my kids are always extorting money from me and My Guy, the little cherubs are LOADED; flush with a cash hoard and I know exactly where they hide it. Unfortunately for me I have a screw missing in the "it all comes out in the wash" department and I always fret about returning the cash, so I do. I hope to get over that sooner rather than later.

4. I love that I can read their personal text messages and then expertly LIE to their faces about it. I figure it is my duty as a parent and although we talk a lot about the sanctity of someone's privacy, all bets are off when it comes to teens. I NEED to make sure they are ok and if I break that rule while they are at a vulnerable age, I'm hoping good old St. Peter still may see it in his heart to give me a free pass on that one. "What are you the text police?" is my favorite response. And for some reason they can always tell when I have done it.

5. I love that "Because I said so," is a valid and binding response to any inquiry. "Why can't I have 5 friends sleep over?" Response: "Because I said so."

"Why do I have to finish my homework before I go to the mall?" Again, "Because I said so."

The four most perfect words uttered together in the English language. Of course if it were that easy, I would have them tattooed across my ass and flash them every time they inquired in a whiney tone about one thing or another. Truth is they really mean nothing. In today's world everything is a long, drawn out, emotional negotiation which I usually end up losing anyway.

And I don't think I would have it any other way.

You know the rest people, run like the Dickens with this meme if it suits your fancy.

Many thanks to The Dental Maven for bestowing upon me the Mommy Meme honor, although I twisted it around to suit me.

Sometimes I just a deviant little mother.