Tuesday, May 26, 2009

DETOX


I am never eating again.


What is it about holiday's and long weekends that make us think we can just indulge in every food offering that is presented to us? And who in the HELL do I think I am, Twiggy???


Today I am all strung out on cheeseburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, chips, salsa and dip. It's like crack with calories. And the leftovers??? Holy temptation. I can't stand to look at it. I've been on a weekend bender.

No, no, no, I wanna make myself go to rehab.

Chicken, sausages, cookies, dips with veggies and crackers, these are my drugs of choice and they're going to kill me and all the hard work I've been doing getting ready for summer. The smell of the grill triggers my taste buds and suddenly I'm thinking; what's one little hot dog among friends?


But it's never one little hot dog, is it? One little cracker with cheese turns into ten. "Oh you have to try my homemade guacamole." Then the guacamole finds it's way onto my cheeseburger. Dirty smack pushers, all of 'em.

I can feel my body craving more and more and then I begin to sweat and shake all over. The pressure to conform is killing me. Look, everyone else it doing it. It's no biggie. Friendly summer cook-outs are a rite of passage, a time to bond with family and friends sharing good times and good food. It's all a big fat lie.

The truth is, it's good for nothing but a lifetime on the hips.

I'm a junkie. I was born into the addition and I'm a highly functional, as I always bring something to the table. Check out my addition to the barbecue. PURE EVIL.


With all this food leftover, what do I do? Pawn it off on my children, so they can end up with a $50 a day habit. Their innocent little faces asking for more. I have hit rock bottom.

Just say no to crack.

24 comments:

wigsf said...

I hear ya. I ate too much pizza on the weekend and I've been sick for two days now.

Heff said...

I'm leaving RIGHT NOW. I'll help you dispose of that food properly !!

Furtheron said...

No comment... I know that this is one of my problems... How much did I cook on the BBQ on Sunday?

Sass said...

I completely agree.

I've actually been thinking I need a 3 day detox/cleansing/whatever...but there's all those leftovers in there. ;)

The Dental Maven said...

Yup. I'm guilty.

starbender said...

I luv holidays because of the food!!! YUM-yummy!

Eat, Drink & be Merry~ for tomorrow we may die... Isn't that how it goes?

...and one just never knows when God will pull the plug...

Tova Darling said...

Oh man. I hear you. Every single time I overeat, I think "I will never eat this much again as long as I live." That resolve lasts for about a week.

BeckEye said...

I didn't eat that much this weekend, but everything I DID eat was complete garbage.

Scope said...

I believe that you have in your house a better food disposal system than even your kids. There are 3 chow hounds living with you, correct?

SkylersDad said...

We had 3 graduation parties to attend this weekend, and BBQ's. All with pure fat being served. I can actually hear my blood squeeze through my veins right now.

Cora said...

I hear ya.

Normally I'm a pretty healthy eater (except for desserts. gotta have me some desserts!!!!) but this weekend in Chicago with Scope (:-)) I ate the most deliciously bad (but ohhhhh so gooooood) foods you can think of. Pizza, tapas, flaming cheese, ice cream, cake, raviloi, sweet and sour chicken, etc, etc, etc.

I mean, seriously, when I sit back and think about it and crunch the numbers, there's NO WAY my clothes should be fitting me this morning....

Yet, oddly, they are....

Hmm....

Go figure....

Must've burned a lot of calories somehow doing... uhhh... something....

Cora said...

(I was talking about the walk by the lake.)

(Yeah. That's it.)

Slyde said...

my god, i ate so much this passed weekend i can barely move...

never again!

Lucy Coats said...

you humans worry too much about food. me, i eat what i can get and the more the better. candy, i loved your blog name as it matches mine. come visit me at http://www.dandiedogblog.blogspot.com

willow the dandie dinmont

Mr. Condescending said...

You could be bullimic and throw it up maybe?

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

I always think the same thing whenever I see a bag of potato chips...one won't hurt, right? Oh yeah, the hips have a totally different idea!!

Fancy Schmancy said...

I boycotted all picnics, so I'm good!

Chris @ Maugeritaville said...

And don't even get me started on my $6 a day Oreo habit. It's like the Keebler elves are my own little drug dealers.

Yes, I know that Oreo is a Nabisco subsidy not Keebler, but Oreo doesn't have their own mascot.

Hey, maybe I can apply for THAT gig!

John said...

HaH! I was GOOD! Well, pretty good. But you ate better than I did. : )

Pounds are like bucks. They come and go. Always have, always will. Besides I've seen you (well, pics). I don't think you have much to worry about. : )

Pop and Ice said...

I wish we had food leftover but we have such a small family and few get-togethers that we rarely have such good food hanging around. Might be good for us physically, but I am dying for some potato salad!

Sassy Britches said...

Uuuuugggggh. I might as well come over. I don't have any leftovers, but I'm already going through withdrawals.

BamaTrav said...

o.k, i just did my first blog. (drinking) so check it out. hope you find it funny. travis

Wil said...

That is a good looking spread! Oh the humanity!

Wil Harrison.com

Meghan said...

Long weekends are made for binging. I have a chipotle dip& chips/sushi addiction. It's bad.