Isn't It Ironic?

http://failblog.org/tag/irony/

I Was Just Thinking....

• Real men don't cry. Real men don't lie either. Roger Clemens was acquitted yesterday of all charges that he lied to Congress when he denied using performance enhancing drugs to extend his baseball career. What the? I can't believe it. We all know he lied about using so how could the jury not know? His friends, his trainer, those closest to him all took the heat to protect The Rocket and his good name. They admitted, under oath, to being injected with steroids, but we are expected to believe that Roger wouldn't? And for that matter, what good name? Clemens has tarnished, torched and blew up that name so that he can pretend that he never used steroids.  And that's the thing with liars, their lies become truths in their own minds. And now those blurred lines have a verdict to fuel their fire. Still won't get him into Cooperstown.  
• It's five o'clock somewhere. Actually, it's 4 o'clock in the afternoon in Uganda where Frack is now spending day one of his three week mission. They arrived early this morning about 12:40 am EST and are halfway through day one of the expedition. I pray he takes good care of himself and the group, as he was voted Team Leader. Wouldn't it be great if I could get him to "Team Lead" his homework this fall? I miss that kid so much already and it's only day one. One day at a time, mom.
• Long live Rock! So I'm watching TV last night and I see this Pet Smart commercial about the new Brett Michaels Pet's Rock collection for your pets. It's an exclusive line designed by the rocker that offers, bowls, beds, toys, leashes and apparel for that Rock Star pet in your life. Brett Michaels? Isn't that the guy that won the Celebrity Apprentice a while back? Is this what that trophy gets you? Somewhere the Gods of Rock and Roll are having a good, hearty laugh about this one. And speaking of Rock and Roll, I'm thinking I'd like to go and see the "Rock of Ages" movie this weekend. The theater geek in me will not be denied, but the Tom Cruise fan, even though I think he's a douche, wants to watch Cruise make history. Rumor has it there are some stellar performances from Cruise, Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin. Worth the take, I say. 
• Forever a Townie. I watched "The Town" last night. I had never seen it and dang, if that wasn't a great movie. Jeremy Renner was fabulous but Ben Affleck??(be still my heart) was HAWT! Who knew a Boston accent could be so sexy? This guy could steal my heart any day, and I didn't even know I liked him. The movie, based on the novel, "The Prince of Thieves" is set in Charlestown, MA and Affleck and his group of thugs are major bank thieves. This one never stops delivering from start to finish and if you haven't seen it, like me, I highly recommend it. Two Daily Dandy thumbs way up!

Tater Tale

So I heard this great story over the weekend, and I thought I would share it with you.

The book above was written by a local guy, who created, "The Adventures of Pat The Potato" to explain to a young family member about the size of one's heart and what can happen when a young potato finds the courage to succeed. It is a story about a very small, second grade potato who leaves home to get away from the ridicule of being the smallest potato in town. Written for his young family member who was struggling with peer pressure, the book became family lore and was then accidentally introduced to a publisher.

Mr. Gannon, flabbergasted that someone found his children's tale interesting enough to publish, was overjoyed to learn that not only did his tale about Pat sell, but the book was quickly adopted by the Potato Museum in Idaho as their pseudo "mascot" book. The sales of the book from the visitors of the museum and the sales on Amazon.com have been good and Michael Gannon couldn't have been more surprised.

Mr. Gannon relayed how amazed he is every month when he opens his small royalties check from book sales. The publisher has since asked Mr. Gannon to write another book. He has declined, of course, because the story came from an idea he had to help a young family member to understand that it's ok to be small and that sometimes being small sometimes has it's advantages. Never claiming to be an author, Mr. Gannon decided that Pat the Potato would be his only literary effort.

An effort like that, it seems, is no small potato.

Friday Freak Fest

Happy Friday Bloggers!  Today's edition of The Daily Dandy is lovingly brought to you by those freaks at Wally World, where the freaks just keep on getting freakier. Thank God.

And away we go..

"Jesse knew it might have been a mistake to let Uncle Earl and Cousin Luther decorate the car for the wedding."

"Pam rejoiced in letting the kids decorate the car." LOVE this! You go girl!!

OK? Tell me this isn't hilarious? 

You know that this pic is the mother's Facebook avatar. 

Because of the recent recessional economy, Walmart had been forced to hire non-union delivery people. 

EWWWW. I almost feel bad for her. Do you think she knows? Denial ain't a river in Egypt...

Black and white. Artsy? or more like Fartsy?

(I completely stole the idea for that quote from peopleofwalmart.com. I thought it was just so perfect)

Here's a couple a honey's for my boy Heff. BUT, I know Heffy better than that. He'd only hit the blonde.

And this one made me almost loose my breakfast. This one is so wrong on so many levels so where do I begin? The horror. The hygiene. In the biggest cesspool of dangerous germs, the lady decides to SIT ON THE TOILET?

What is wrong with people these days?

Have a great weekend Bloggers and PLEASE, don't sit on any public bathroom toilet seats for the love of God.

It Can't Be That Bad, Can it?

Funny True Happenings To Make You Laugh on Thursday

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000 USD. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from tree hugging onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale. 

A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe, leaving her mentally retarded.

In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from 'flu he came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his 'phone and electricity had been cut off.

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

There now. Your day's not so bad, is it?

http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/index_thu.htm

I Freakin' Hate Bugs

So I just got finished reading my buddy Scope's post about spiders, and it got me to thinking about bugs and how much I hate them.

Sorry bugs, I hate you. All of you.

Then I got to thinking about Frack and about how my baby boy is leaving in 5 short days to travel to Uganda on a three and a half week mission. Going on a mission to help build a school in an impoverished country is a great opportunity for Frack. He will be seeing and doing things that most kids his age may never get the chance to do and learning important survival and life skills.

But they cautioned us about the bugs.

Mainly the mosquitoes, and in Uganda they carry diseases like Malaria. Frack has gotten all of the necessary shots for his trip abroad, but I'm SUPER paranoid about the mosquitoes. The kids have already start taking anti-malaria medications now, and will continue during their entire three and a half weeks there, then for a week after they return home. You have to know it's a concern when the packing list and itineraries all require a treated mosquito net for sleeping,  I started talking to all the other moms and we all decided that if we can treat the mosquito net for sleeping, then we can treat the clothes for wearing. And the sleeping bags, and their shoes and clothes and their back packs and whatever else is accompanying them on their journey. I just decided to treat the shit out of everything.

Cuz I freakin' hate bugs. And I especially hate mosquitoes. In Uganda.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate Uganda. Uganda was voted one of the best places to travel to in 2012, and I couldn't be happier that my son will get to experience this beautiful country on an exhibition, I just hate the Ugandan mosquitoes and bugs. And then there is a long laundry list of other things I am worried about. Of course the helicopter mom is worried about everything but despite my worries, I recognize that it's time for Frack to spread his 16 year-old wings and fly.

I just don't want him flying around with the bugs that carry disease.

Holy Crap!

So this is how I'm feeling today.

The world is being held together with duct tape. Dang, something better give for me in the universe soon because I'm ready yet I'm hanging on by the crack of my butt!

Like duct tape, I'm strong and I stick to it. (and I also come in many fashion colors...)
This too shall pass, and the need for the duct tape will be diminished.

and the rainbow is just at the horizon.