Thursday, August 20, 2009

I'm BAraCk, Baby!

Dear World,

HA! I'm back, and it feels good. Oh, I know what you were thinking. You were thinking I was a has-been, out dated and "done". That my status as a prime contender to lure the heavy weights was soooo over.

Well, allow me to correct you with a smug little smile. Who's you're daddy now?? And lets make no mistake here, I am soooo back!! Yes, this Sunday begins the worldwide spotlight shining right down on my heavenly little ass, complete with a major player. And I mean MAJOR.

No need for me to name drop here, because soon enough you'll be calling "my people" to even get a meeting with me. CNN, Fox News, ABC, NBC, MSNBC, even that blow-hard Bill O'Reilly's coming to see me and to see The Big Guy. As you know, I've been here before. Yup, back in the good ole days me and Bill, we were like peas and carrots. That's when the world decided I was their sweet heart and everybody put me on the map. And I didn't disappoint, so I'm primed and ready to show the world who I am and what I've got. AGAIN!! Whoo Hoo!

Shit, I'm so chic right now that chic actually called my agent, who called my manager, who called my assistant who explained that Ms. Martha would have to get back to her....If she has time.....If she can.....Is it possible to fit you in sometime next February? Yeah, that's the kind of clout I'm talking about!

I'm so liberal that those Dems and Hollywood types are clamouring to get "all up on me" and bask in my glory. And spend their money. And throw parties for Him. And throw the spotlight on my deserving little Rock. Just like the good ole days. CHA CHING! Ooops, did I write that out loud. Sorry, my bad.

I'll just call the past eight years a rejuvenation period-a time for me to reflect, meditate and contemplate my spiritual journey. I've had a few cosmetic surgeries since then and I am looking as good as those hot, Hollywood actresses that walk my beaches, only better. Oh Jackie, are you up there watching me??? I hope you're proud.

So let this be a lesson to you people. Like they say, ain't nothing over till the fat lady sings!!!
She sang at the inauguration and as far as I know, Aretha is not scheduled to perform any where within my 10 mile by 20 mile ass, so ain't nothing over here. Yeah!

Starting next week, my future's so bright, you gotta wear shades, bitches. Oh, and make sure they are Dior, Chanel or Tom Ford. You wouldn't want to stick out like a sore thumb now, would you???

Love and Hope,



Scandalous Housewife said...

Are Gucci shades ok? They're duggy fresh and hot and fresh out-the-kitchen...

Heff said...

This post is WAY too upbeat. I'm getting my Republican ass out of here.

MommaKiss said...

I SO do not fit in w/ my turquoise shades. From Targhay.

Scott Oglesby said...

Really? I thought Bush put a NASCAR track or a rodeo on there before abandoning it. Or isn’t that where they brought the prisoners that just got out of Guantamano? Oh wait, it’s where that airplane show ‘Wings’ was filmed. Yea?

Lestat de Lioncourt said...

Ba Crack Orama. When dum jus ain' nuff.

TROLL Y2K said...

I have no idea what this post was about but... Welcome Back.

Enter the Culinary Throwdown Challenge on Sunday!

Wil said...

I have no frickin' clue either, and that makes me feel bad.


Joanie M said...

make that 3 clueless people here.

Scott Oglesby said...

That shows you how my mind works. Even after seeing the cartoon at the top I thought it was going to be about how many beers the centipede could drink. I must be a lush.
Good one!