I don't usually do this, but today I'm pissed.
I usually leave the American Idol re-caps to the experts (BeckEye from The Pop Eye) and comment on my AI fandom on their sites, and let the experts do their shtick. But last night Beckeye scored some awesome tix to The Toxic Avenger musical (how was it?) and was unable to view the show. And because last night's result show was uncharacteristically MONUMENTAL when the viewer results were revealed, I need to air my ire in my own format today.
So Becks, here's hoping I make you proud.
First off, I want to say," WTF is wrong with you America??"
Last night's show opened to a video montage of the previous night's performances of the final five contestants a la dramatic music and snippets of their moment in the spotlight. In all fairness, on Tuesday night's show, all five contestants, "blew it out the box!" , as AI Judge Randy Jackson would say, leaving a viewer to ponder whether or not this thing is all wrapped up and in Adam Lambert's tight fitting jeans pocket, as we may have thought.
Ryan Seacrest came out, informing us that an "enormous amount of votes came in", over 47 million and introduced the final five for a LIVE (read not lip-synched) performance of the theme of the week, a Rat Pack inspired combination of "It Don't Mean a Thing" and "I've Got Rhythm".
Next, it was on to the results. Ryan brings all five to the center of the stage and one by one sends them to opposite sides of the stage. Allison and Danny on one side, Matt and Chris on the other, leaving Adam, lone man in the center. He then asks Adam to pick which group he thinks he belongs with. Adam, of course, plays the innocent and says, "I love everybody", but based on the previous night's performance he chooses the group with Allison and Danny. Ryan then announces the first shocker of the evening!!! Allison, Danny and Adam are NOT the bottom three-the bottom three are Matt, Chris and ADAM!!!
AHHHHH! At this point my heart started beating like crazyee and even Danny and Allison, and Kara's (awkward sexually suggestive moment with Kara and Randy) mouth dropped open in shock.
So, if I may interject a personal opinion here for a moment, ADAM?? In the bottom two?? Say it aint so. America, you got it all wrong and if you are a loyal AI viewer you know exactly what I'm talking about. I think that at this point, yes, they are all looking great, but Adam in the bottom three-NO way, NO how!
We are left to sit on this drama through a semi-painful Natalie Cole performance of "Something's Gotta Give", and by painful, I mean she STRUGGLED with it. Then, my boy, Taylor Hicks, Idol winner from Season 5, gave a kick-ass performance of "Seven Mile Breakdown" from his new album "The Distance". Let the public flogging begin now, because I LOVE this guy and I will be one of the four people who buy this album. He actually made me forget my anguish over Adam for three whole minutes.
Then it was on the the biggest shock of the evening, if I thought I couldn't stand any more, Ryan brings the bottom three out and "shocks the world" when he announces the next one safe is.......Chris.
AHHHHHHHHHH! Now I'm on my feet, hyperventilating and dying a slow death. I'm kidding, but oh. my. God. Cut it the F-out!
I hardly could sit through Jamie Foxx's #1 chart topping performance of "Blame It", because at this point, I'm thinking and knowing it's Matt that's going home, but really, Adam Lambert fans have never come this close to elimination before and we are not liking it at all.
Ryan puts us out of our misery by announcing that FINALLY Adam is safe and Matt gets sent home but at this point I'm exhausted and pissed off.
So I think you can guess what this means. This means that although Adam is clearly the best contestant to grace the Idol stage ever, and continuously performs to unbelievable and unattainable levels of greatness, a super star in his own right, he is not guaranteed a win. This means I have been reduced to indulging the 13 year-old inside of me, and I must now VOTE.
This is how it works and if I want to see Adam get all the crowning glory he deserves, VOTE FOR ADAM, I must.
If you feel the same way about Adam, then I urge you to VOTE FOR ADAM. Plain and simple.
Lucky for me I am an AT&T customer and I am only a mere text away. Or 12.