Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Tragedy and Comedy Of Last Night's American Idol

I don't usually do this, but today I'm pissed.

I usually leave the American Idol re-caps to the experts (BeckEye from The Pop Eye) and comment on my AI fandom on their sites, and let the experts do their shtick. But last night Beckeye scored some awesome tix to The Toxic Avenger musical (how was it?) and was unable to view the show. And because last night's result show was uncharacteristically MONUMENTAL when the viewer results were revealed, I need to air my ire in my own format today.

So Becks, here's hoping I make you proud.

First off, I want to say," WTF is wrong with you America??"

Last night's show opened to a video montage of the previous night's performances of the final five contestants a la dramatic music and snippets of their moment in the spotlight. In all fairness, on Tuesday night's show, all five contestants, "blew it out the box!" , as AI Judge Randy Jackson would say, leaving a viewer to ponder whether or not this thing is all wrapped up and in Adam Lambert's tight fitting jeans pocket, as we may have thought.

Ryan Seacrest came out, informing us that an "enormous amount of votes came in", over 47 million and introduced the final five for a LIVE (read not lip-synched) performance of the theme of the week, a Rat Pack inspired combination of "It Don't Mean a Thing" and "I've Got Rhythm".

Next, it was on to the results. Ryan brings all five to the center of the stage and one by one sends them to opposite sides of the stage. Allison and Danny on one side, Matt and Chris on the other, leaving Adam, lone man in the center. He then asks Adam to pick which group he thinks he belongs with. Adam, of course, plays the innocent and says, "I love everybody", but based on the previous night's performance he chooses the group with Allison and Danny. Ryan then announces the first shocker of the evening!!! Allison, Danny and Adam are NOT the bottom three-the bottom three are Matt, Chris and ADAM!!!

AHHHHH! At this point my heart started beating like crazyee and even Danny and Allison, and Kara's (awkward sexually suggestive moment with Kara and Randy) mouth dropped open in shock.

So, if I may interject a personal opinion here for a moment, ADAM?? In the bottom two?? Say it aint so. America, you got it all wrong and if you are a loyal AI viewer you know exactly what I'm talking about. I think that at this point, yes, they are all looking great, but Adam in the bottom three-NO way, NO how!

We are left to sit on this drama through a semi-painful Natalie Cole performance of "Something's Gotta Give", and by painful, I mean she STRUGGLED with it. Then, my boy, Taylor Hicks, Idol winner from Season 5, gave a kick-ass performance of "Seven Mile Breakdown" from his new album "The Distance". Let the public flogging begin now, because I LOVE this guy and I will be one of the four people who buy this album. He actually made me forget my anguish over Adam for three whole minutes.

Then it was on the the biggest shock of the evening, if I thought I couldn't stand any more, Ryan brings the bottom three out and "shocks the world" when he announces the next one safe is.......Chris.
AHHHHHHHHHH! Now I'm on my feet, hyperventilating and dying a slow death. I'm kidding, but oh. my. God. Cut it the F-out!

I hardly could sit through Jamie Foxx's #1 chart topping performance of "Blame It", because at this point, I'm thinking and knowing it's Matt that's going home, but really, Adam Lambert fans have never come this close to elimination before and we are not liking it at all.

Ryan puts us out of our misery by announcing that FINALLY Adam is safe and Matt gets sent home but at this point I'm exhausted and pissed off.

So I think you can guess what this means. This means that although Adam is clearly the best contestant to grace the Idol stage ever, and continuously performs to unbelievable and unattainable levels of greatness, a super star in his own right, he is not guaranteed a win. This means I have been reduced to indulging the 13 year-old inside of me, and I must now VOTE.

This is how it works and if I want to see Adam get all the crowning glory he deserves, VOTE FOR ADAM, I must.

If you feel the same way about Adam, then I urge you to VOTE FOR ADAM. Plain and simple.

Lucky for me I am an AT&T customer and I am only a mere text away. Or 12.


B.E. Earl said...

American Idol is still on?

That is soooo 2002! ;)

Bill Stankus said...

Sorry Candy, my TV doesn't do AI. Apparently the people at Sony put in a chip that blocks all reality themed shows and anything from Fox.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I felt the exact same way you did last night, except that whole Taylor Hicks part. My bad, I assumed Adam was safe and didn't vote. That won't be happening again!

Bill Stankus said...

A comment about your comment - Stuff isn't always serious, there's a place in the Grand Scheme Of Life for everything. Also, you made your story interesting - that's a Big Deal.

BeckEye said...

See, it's reasons like this that I don't believe that the outcomes of AI are always based on the true public vote. No one will ever convince me that Michael Johns was eliminated based on votes. He DID NOT get less votes than Syesha, pure and simple. And there's no way in hell Adam was in the Bottom 2. I think maybe the show uses the votes as guides to see who the public really likes, etc. They also use it to create these "shocking" and controversial moments, so that people can become outraged and Seacrest can wag his finger at America and say, "See how important it is to vote? You have to save your favorite!"

And I'm so proud that your AI recapping cherry has been popped! ;)

Heff said...

Thanks again to Donna, I'm subjected to this ridiculous "Crown Jewel" of televison programming as well, lol.

All "Reality T.V." is RIGGED.

Why do you think the next one "safe" was Chris ? - To GRAB YOU BY THE BOO-BOO !

Hey, what do you get when Elvis Presley and Liza Minnelli screw ?? - Adam Lambert, LMAO !!

I'll admit, he's EASILY the most talented singer on the show, but he's also a "Queer as a 3 dollar bill Cabaret Homo". Check his history on you tube.

He repulses me, and I can't vote for that.

Thank you for your time.

- Republican Heff.

The Dental Maven said...

Sorry Girl, The Maven is not current with reality TV. But I will say this - Embrace your inner 13 year old and go ahead and vote!

Cora said...

I KNOW!!!! I was having a heart attack during last night's show, Candy. It was a CRIME!! The bottom two? How did that happen?!

I'm with you, I'm voting like a 13 year old all night long for our boy Adam every tuesday for the rest of the season.

Oh, and I scared the crud out of my kid when I let loose an almighty scream of joy when Matt went home instead. I actually did a victory dance too. Hee hee.

Callie said...

I'm assuming that picture at the top is Adam?

He looks like a cross between Zac Efron and the guy who married Ashlee Simpson.


And I have only ever watched two or three episodes of AI. Just can't handle the judging part of it. I feel like bashing them in the head with a very heavy musical instrument.

BeckEye said...

Gee, if Heff hadn't said he was a Republican, I never would have figured it out.

Kristi Mantoni said...

I was right with you last night having a heart attack. When Kris was sent to safety instead of Adam I became very light headed. In my heart of hearts, I think it was Danny that was actually the second to the bottom person. After all, he does the same thing every week. Even his fans must be tired of that by now!! Great recap BTW!!

Prunella Jones said...

My mom recapped AI for me last night on the phone and she felt the same way as you.

Joe D. said...

The girl in that pic is hot. . .Oh wait. . .

Scope said...

I heard about this near-tragedy from Cora as it was happening.

Furtheron said...

Sadly my heart sinks when I see this...

I'm so sorry that we English have inflicted these bloody awful shows on you... and Simon Cowell... I do genuinely apologise unreservedly that you too now are captivated by this nonsense.

Last night - I read my magazine and a book and avoided the TV pretty much.

There are some good acts come out of this I'll admit - my daughter likes Kelly Clarkson and it's better than a lot of the stuff she listens to ...

The music industry... what a bloody mess at the moment. See but there is my problem - this is an entertainment show it actually is nothing to do with the music and that actually may well be the point of your post ...

TROLL Y2K said...

He has the most experience and polish and the widest vocal range but I don't see him selling CDs.

Girl Interrupted said...

Well now I'm intrigued! It all sounds a lot more dramatic and exciting than our version!

He's kinda foxy too ... I'd probably vote for him on that fact alone.