Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A Bit Of Dandy Celebrity Bashing

Let's try something a little different today. You know how most of the celeb rags have the sections with actual quotes from various celebrities like, "They Said What?"or "Scene and Heard"? Some of the quotes are funny and some just leave you scratching your head and let's face it, I'm not entirely sure they don't make that stuff up to sell magazines. When I read crap like that I always have my own commentary running through my head responding to what they have to say.

So, let's celebrity bash and spice up the quotes with some blogger magic. These are actual celebrity quotes from gossip rags. I'll go first and them you can respond in the comments with your comments on any quote that strikes you. Because after all, celebrities are people too.

"I work too hard to do Dancing With The Stars. I couldn't make it. I'd sing on it for other people to dance to." Liza Minnelli in OK Magazine.

Oh thank you Liza. That's a visual I'm not quite ready for. I can't help but wonder, you work too hard doing what??? I know, taking prescription drugs and falling down drunk must take up the bulk of your day anyway.

"My hidden talent? I don't keep any of my talent's hidden! With me it's more like, Hey look what I can do!" Scarlett Johansson in US Weekly.

And that would be exactly what???? Yeah, I can see your talents are fighting a battle to stay hidden in that dress.

"He goes,'Charlize, this is going to be different for you...people are going to see this movie'...Then I'm like ....'You know what? I have a statue at home called an Academy Award.'" Charlize Theron in US Weekly on joking with Hancock costar Will Smith.

Oh snap! Step off Fresh Prince!! Joking my ass. Love her! Huge girl,crush on the smokin hot Charlize.

"I recently had a Red Bull problem. I found myself maniacally drinking it. I was up to seven a day. ...Then Red Bull contacted me and was like,'We want to send you a minifridge.' I was like,'No please! I love you but I can't' It's like giving a crack addict free crack." Eva Mendes in Us Weekly.

I think there are a few councilors at Cirque Lodge in Utah that would testify in court that it wasn't Red Bull that's the problem....

"If the girl wants the wedding, you gotta do the wedding...She'll remember it forever. Spencer, dude, you'll realize this later." Tom Cruise giving Spencer Pratt marriage advice in OK Magazine.

Thanks Tom, just what the world needed., more rediculous photo's of "Spedi". Why couldn't you just opt to be glib about it?

"My trainer just shakes her head and says,'This is a disaster.'" Jennifer Garner on not loosing all of her baby weight in Star Magazine.

Oldest trick in the book. This is the part where we all supposed to go,"Oh no Jennifer, you're not fat...." Boo-fricken-hoo.

"There are times, trust me, when I watch it back and I just think, God, I wish I hadn't said that." Simon Cowell on being mean to American Idol contestants in Us Weekly.

To be perfectly honest I thought that quote was indulgent rubbish, Simon. You haven't got a chance in hell because quite frankly, it was utterly forgettable.

That was sort of fun. Now it's your turn.

Please feel free to bash hard and often.


Heff said...

Are you SURE that's a picture of Liza Minnelli ? It sure looks like American Idol's Adam Lambert, LMAO !!

Sassy Britches said...

I'm not working up enough snark this morning! I'll just say though, that Charlize ripped Will a new one there--deservedly so!

And your blog just called me a "whorr" in word ver. FYI. :)

Cheryl said...

Scarlett Johansson's boobs kind of scare me..

wigsf said...

Talent schmalent, I still wanna nail Scarlett.

SkylersDad said...

Charlize is my one girl I get a free pass at with my wife!

Fancy Schmancy said...

Thanks, Tom, just what the world needs, more advice on fake marriages!

Dr Zibbs said...

I'll tel you one thing - I hate that Jennifer Gardner. What a no talent.

emanobop said...

I love celeb bashing! Now I've got another reason to hate Scarlett thanks to that quote.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Looks like there's gonna be a fight for Charlize.


I love your comebacks!!!!

Slyde said...

dont get me started on scarlett johanson.. i think shes just ok looking, and a shitty actress.

Shes got great hoo-has, tho.

Slyde said...

dont get me started on scarlett johanson.. i think shes just ok looking, and a shitty actress.

Shes got great hoo-has, tho.

The Dental Maven said...

That's the first pic I've seen of Simon where he doesn't have those damn American-Standard-toilet-bowl-white fakey fakey veneers blinding everyone.

Elenka said...

Liza, Liza, Liza. There are just no words to describe you. Too busy, huh? Too busy asking yourself over and over again why you married that mannequin (sp?) looking guy the last time.

pure evyl said...

I'd like to see Liza starring in a Reality Show about domestic violence with her man standing outside the door yelling, 'Take her ass to jail.' As the cops carted her off, and Liza screaming at the cops. 'Don't let that bitch smoke all my cigarettes.'

Meghan said...

Speidi need to get eater by a shark asap. I'd watch that over their wedding anyday!

Furtheron said...

You can tell when a celebrity is saying something vacuous - their lips are moving... :-)

Liza M - God love her. She's one of my kind, take care my dear!

Scarlett - nice talents!

Who is Charlize? But I want her number... :-)

Eva - she needs to spend sometime in rehab, when you get there sober up and look around at the other wrecks you've washed up with you are like "Jesus how'd we all do this to ourselves"... I have obsessions at times now but trust me 7 Red Bulls a day isn't a problem!

Tom - shut up!

Jenifer - who? I'm useless at celeb watching as they come they go, only if you do something that is actually worthy of my respect will you be remembered.

Simon - pass me the gun now. He is the sole reason I can find for the repeal of the gun control legislation in the UK.

Anonymous said...

Charlize probably has more class than just about anyone else in movieland. Go Charlize!

Attack of the boobs coming out of Scarlett's dress... a new movie perhaps?

The Blue Ridge Gal

BeckEye said...

Who's that ripping on my dear Madame Glambert? I'm gonna have to do some commenter bashing!

Shawn said...

Hey you can't talk about Lucille 2 like that!