Wally World's Muthas: Heff's I'd Hit That Edition

Hey Bloggers! It's a Mutha of a weekend and to salute all you mother's out there, I thought we'd play a little game with my favorite Friday crazees from WalMart.

I'm calling this the, "Heff's I'd Hit That Edition" as a tribute to one of my favorite mutha's Heff, from the now defunct, "Heff's Bar and Grill".

So say he and WE! The object here is in the comment section, you decide whether Heff would Hit That or not.




So I know my boy has standards, and I'm guessing here that Heff wouldn't hit that with a 50 ft pole. Jiggle or not, the lady has to have some manners. NOT. No way.



Miss Thang here is certainly interesting....a little rumble with the tumble, eh Heffy? I say you'd hit that.

And speaking of stripes, Freak of the week looks pretty sexy even if it may cause seizures if you stare too long. I'm thinking Heff would definitely hit that.

Star light, star bright, I'll rock you outta the stratosphere.

Oh Heff baby, let's hit it tonite.

Now this is just silly, and I'm not thinking Heff is a junk in the trunk kind of guy. No way Heff'd hit that. Maybe.

Now I know little something about skin and in my professional opinion, my girl here looks a little old to be parading the cheeks of her ass around town. Unless Heff has a cottage cheezed old lady on his bucket list, I'd say not hitting that. EVER.

And finally, my favorite. This is just the kind of FREAK groupie my boy is used to beating off with his bass at a Butlik show. Hell to the yeah! Heff'd hit that then order up some Moo Goo Gai Pan for after.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mutha's and to you Heffy, my favorite mutha.

Thanks for playing along.

The Lies That Bind

"Any story sounds true until someone tells the other side and sets the record straight" Proverbs 18:17

Lies.

They mess with your head and your life and when you live with lies, the lines between truth and falsehood become blurred. Somewhere along the way the lie becomes a truth to the one who tells it. It's a commitment both powerful and pathetic and like a drug you need to tell more to keep it going. The truth so terrifying, the lie must be given new life. It is in that commitment that the liar finds solace, comfort and conviction in the lie that is now their reality.

Now it looks like a truth.
Now it sounds like a truth.
So if it looks and sounds like a truth, then it must be the truth. Right?

Wrong.

It's still a lie and a bigger, fatter lie at that, more destructive than a plague as it eats away at your soul.

Don't be fooled by the fool. The fool makes bad choices and continues to tell you lies to save face. Like the sage gypsy once said, "In a previous life the fool gave you up to the enemy to save himself."

Lucky for me, I survived. I am stronger than the enemy, the fool and a lie.

If you digest the deception and believe, you are doomed. It's that simple. Karma is a pit bull and it will come back to bite you. So if you take the bait, knowing all that you know, you are deserving of the destruction. As pathetic as he and living in the wake of the lying destruction. Don't say I didn't warn you. It is here in print.

Good luck.

You will most certainly need it.

Breathtaking

Oh my...

This photo of The Tommy and Giselle at the 2011 Met Gala took my breath away.

Simply stunning and impeccable. The problem is that it wasn't the Tommy that caused my shortness of breath. It was Giselle.

The Tommy cleans up real good in this photo, (and it's about freaking time) but HER? I'm almost speechless. She is breathtaking. And she's the enemy, but in this dress she is more than a formidable enemy.

As a lover of fashion and all things beautiful, I'm at a loss to find flaw with her here. She is sheer and enviable perfection.

Damn it. I might even admit to a slight girl crush on Gi after seeing her in this dress. It's Alexander McQueen, and what a coup d'etat for her to appear in the worlds hottest design house since the Royal wedding, the designer of the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton's wedding dress.

Damn.

The Tommy and his bride Giselle=WINNING.

Now let's take that to the field.

You're Killing Me

So this is precisely why I am in love with Hollywood.

Leave it to them to give me a LOL moment in the middle of all this.

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

President Obama announced last night that Osama Bin Laden is dead.

And that the US killed him and took possession of his body after a fire fight.

The weird thing is, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this. Should I be rejoicing and singing a jolly old tune about how we can now "get out of bed because the wicked witch is dead"? Well I don't feel that way. In fact, I'm not sure what I feel about this, but I'm more than sure it's not great, what I feel.

Is there something wrong with me? I felt this way too, when we captured and imprisoned and then executed Saddam Hussein. It just doesn't feel right. So this then begs the question, what is justice for the hundreds of thousands of American lives these two evil dictators have cost us?

The bible says, "an eye for an eye", so why am I having such trouble with this? It's the death thing I have a problem with. Is it up to us to decide the fate of these terrible, horrid human beings lives? I guess so. We have the death penalty in some states in this country for punishment for horrible crimes committed. I would say that Osama and Saddam both deserved the death penalty for their crimes, but when it comes to actually flipping the switch, I'd have a hard time.

I suppose I would feel differently if (God forbid) one of my children were the victim of their reign of terror or a member of my family, and I hope I never have to find out, but I hope we have somehow gained our freedom from Al Qaeda today.

And a horrid human being like Osama Bin Laden.

That's A Wrap

Congrats to Wills and Kate for getting it done so that we can all go back to a normal life now that its over!

Stunning, elegant and regal were the words that came to mind as I turned my TV on at 6:15 EST to catch the precise moment the couple exchanged vows. Kudos to me for impeccable timing.

Happiest are the days of a wedding and I wish them much love, patience and happiness as they enter into this blessed union. I pray the press of the world have learned their lesson from Prince William's mum, Diana, and please respect the dignity and the need for privacy of another human being's life. But I fear they won't and Kate hunt is just beginning. The paparazzi have their new sacred cow.

I wondered what Diana might look like in the pews of the Abbey and how vibrant her smile might have been as her boy became a married man. The bit of mischief in her younger son Harry's eyes gave way to the warmth of his mother and her several breaks. with protocol. Indeed, she was there. I couldn't help but sense the "commoner" in Wills bride, and I hope she never looses that quality as she ascends into her inevitable position of the most photographed woman in the world.

Let the celebrations begin, and hoist a cold one to the Royal Couple today.

Well done.

A Fedora Fashion Experiment

It wasn't that long ago, 50 or 60 years, that hats were a staple of American fashion. Both men and women wore hats when they went out. Everywhere. Today, these same hats are considered a fashion risk or more of a "look at me" call for attention that possibly only Hollywood hipsters and stylists could pull off. Not so much for your average Joe.

The fedora is a new trend that seems to be putting hats back on the fashion map. I bought a fedora for myself last October, but never wore it. Or should I say I never had the fashion nads to wear it, until yesterday when I instituted a Fedora Fashion Experiment. (and trust me when I tell you, I have a lot of fashion nads)

I work in a fashion environment, perfect for my initial entry into a fashion realm of the unknown. The question? Could I pull it off for an entire day? One thing I knew for sure was if I wore it I would have to be committed and wear it for the entire day. No exceptions.

So this is me in The Candy Bar in the morning, hopeful and ready to conquer the day. Walking into the boutique my co-workers immediately greeted me with a "oh wow, don't you look cute?". I can report that at his point I felt a little silly and a bit out of my comfort zone, but I trudged on. With the weather a bit muggy and the temp inside the boutique at a balmy 80 degrees, my head began to sweat a bit and the nagging feeling of hat removal nipped at my psyche.

I was not to be deterred.

As the day progressed, I began to get my hat mojo on and I was feeling pretty good. Customers had only positive comments like:

"You look great in hats"

"I love this look" and

"Only you could pull that off."

By two pm I began to get a slight headache and I wondered if it was from wearing a foreign object on my head for so long or the fact that I had yet to eat my lunch, (which very well could have been) but after lunch I still had my groove. And it reflected in my enthusiasm.

Bottom line: The Fedora Fashion Experiment was a success! So much so, that I've decided to add the Fedora to my fashion repitoire regularly. I high recommend it to you and to all us Average Joe's who are afraid to let their Fashion Freak Flag fly.

Sometimes a little "look at me" is just that, in the most positive way possible.