For Real? This Is A Good One.

I nearly fell off my chair when I saw this today...

Shared on FB by my blogger friend Sybil Law, this morning, it's a story that's about as crazy as it gets! The cookies you see above were made to look like.....vagina's. Yup vagina's but that's not the crazy part of the story. I'll get to that part but first I have to comment on the absurdity of the cookies above. Like those things are LOL worthy, but somewhat appealing at the same time. Which makes me LOL even harder!! Vag cookies.....good times.

Anyway, the crazy part of the story is even better than the cookies made to look like vaginas.

The crazy part of the story is that those cookies were made by a mother of a second grader for said second grader's entire class. Reportedly the mother was "excited for the opportunity" to bring in some baked goods for the kids. According to mommyish.com , the mother brought the treats in and announced to the teacher that she should use this as her opportunity to teach the children about vaginas! When the teacher removed the tin foil and saw the cookies, adorned with ALL KINDS of vagina's, she emphatically told the mother that she could not serve the cookies to the children as they were inappropriate. The mother, furious at this, stormed out of the classroom leaving the baked vag's behind.

OMG...that is a good one! Crazy bat shit mom then sends the teacher an email with the rantings of an insane person about how she's missing the opportunity to "educate and empower women". Hilarious. She claims she's trying to spread her message?

I gotta say, I'm not quite sure if it's her message, that's she's trying to spread. It's obvious to me that this mother is definitely off her meds.

Fat Bottomed Girls

Is there any truth to the saying in the song, "Fat bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round."? Being somewhat of a "fat bottomed girl" myself, I wondered.

I'm sitting on the beach with a bunch of people this weekend, and the conversation casually turns to the shape and size of all people. The topic was about someone that knew someone in high school, that happened to be a "fat bottomed girl". It was told that this certain "fat bottomed girl" got all the guys.
Really?
We questioned this collectively. Yes. It was affirmed. This girl happened to get both handsome and not so handsome guys with relative ease.

OK, we said. "Was that because she was easy?" We couldn't help but wonder. The answer may surprise you. It was told that she was not easy in the way that one may think, but easy in that she was available. Then the fellas all chimed in.

"I'm not sure that's true," one said. "I've never been into fat girls."

"Oh yeah," one said. "In my twenties? After hitting back a few?" another said. "They all look like supermodels."

Another said, "I'm pleading the fifth here." And we all knew what that meant.

And one actually said. "Yeah, that could be true."

While there are much more important and pressing topics to be discussed on the pages of The Daily Dandy, I decided to poll it out to my boys.

OK fellas... to all the boys that comment here.Is it true? Is it a rite of passage? Does the "Rocking World Go Round"? Tell us what you think.

They Lift You Up

Friends are like gems...so a good friend of mine inspired me to say.

I think he's right on. When you need it, it comes in the most amazing packages. Is it our faith? Is it our karma? I will not question why. I will only be grateful. Whatever the reason, good friends can elevate you to a place you never thought was possible. It is then that you realize that they are your family and family comes in many forms.

They lift you up, become your cheerleaders and keep you going knowing that you should not be afraid to try to achieve because they believe in you. They see it all. The good, the bad and the ugly, and yet they still care about you and give you strength. It's reciprocal, this friendship thing and it only works if you too, care enough to lift them up. And it happens when you/they may not even realize it.

This is the true gem, the diamond in the rough. And that cannot be valued, for friendship like that is truly priceless.

Bad Weather Stew

Are you kidding me?

This time they got it right. No beauty emergencies today, that's for sure, so it looks like a lost day of revenue. I just made that FAB, slow cooker beef stew you see up above and I'm hunkering down for a day-long blasting of snow.

• The beef stew I made is from a blog called Butter with a side of Bread. I have made it before and let me tell you, it is just about the closest thing to perfection on a day like today!

• My Guy was out last night, so it was a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills MARATHON> Those bitches are so juicy...always fighting and swearing. It feels like home when I watch it! No wonder I love it so much. I'm half kidding, but really, after the latest episode, I was left feeling pitty for the ladies. Yes, they get paid a ton of money per episode and they have attained some twisted form of celebrity, but they fights and the petty drama that goes on makes me wonder about the toll it takes on their real lives...they have to fight to stay relevant or they get axed! I guess it no different than any other job except their bad behavior is rewarded.

• I bought a coat for my dog. Yes, I did and you know what? He needs it! He's an old fella. (we're not quite sure how old exactly-pound rescue) And his little Jack Russel body is slowly shedding hair. He doesn't mind his little velcro coat, it's bright orange and waterproof and as a matter of fact he kind of likes it! He has taken to wearing it around the house on really cold days. But on days like today I'm wishing I bought one for Buddy too. ( See Buddy here- it's funny. He's my Boxer)

• Tequila? A no no for Candy. Went out for My Guy's birthday on Sat night. I think I had a good time. 

• Since I'm  stuck at home today, I've decided it's the perfect time to study. I'm in the process of putting together The Candy Bar's E-Commerce site and I've been doing a ton of research on social media and online presence. It's very interesting and very motivating! So the good news is the day won't be a total loss! Happy Hump Day Bloggers!

He Who Walks Alone Walks Faster

He walked right into my store!

That's right! That picture there is of me and the infamous Walking Man! The Walking Man and I got to spend the day together talking and shooting the breeze. He's over here in MA on some family buziness, and he gave me a call to arrange a visit. He decided to take the trip to my store and when he entered The Candy Bar, the big bear hug he gave me told me just about everything I needed to know about this most lovable character.

It was immediately like I had known him my whole life!

We spent the first few hours "shooting the shit" about life, God, relationships and family. I even solicited his sage advice about parenting and before I knew it we had devoured  the better part of a very enjoyable afternoon. The Walking Man even got to meet my mom, dad and FRICK!!! And you should have seen her face as he bear hugged himself right into her heart.

He told me the story of how he got the name The Walking Man, and about his life before he came to reside in his beloved (I'm kidding) Detroit. I always love meeting up with my Blogger buddies, but this visit was extra-special, as The Walking Man is one of my most very favorites. It's always nice to be able to put a face to a blog, and his kind face and warm heart belies his tough looking exterior and his sometimes serious prose.

I consider myself very lucky to call him my friend. I miss him already!

1000 Things I Need To Say

Somewhere along the way in this crazy, fast paced thing I like to call my life, I let a little milestone pass without proper fanfare. And the funny thing is, I just kind of noticed it all nonchalant and then it hit me. I reached 1000 posts. One thousand posts on Candy's Daily Dandy!!! To date, this will now be 1016 posts.

Maybe now Cinemax, HBO or Showtime will come a calling and turn my blog into a fabulous series starring Sarah Jessica Parker as me!!! Right? Turn a dream into reality. Just sayin and dreamin..There can't be only one Candace in the world that's a famous writer. One can only hope.

Anyway, 1000 posts comprises the largest body of my work to date. Some of it complete crap, some of it brilliant, some of it hilarious and some of it poignant and somber. I've shared with you my life, my kids life, my crazy family moments my childhood, my friends and general trivia, news and junk that no one really cares about except maybe us. And let's not forget the comments!! Bloggers, you never cease to make me laugh out loud, cry, and think and inspire me to keep going every day. For you and your loyalty I am grateful. Without you it wouldn't be nearly as rewarding. Heck, Heff, Scope and Zibsy, you all made it into my children's toast at our wedding. Really. I've never met any of you, yet you are all an important part of my life. Thanks for coming along for this crazy ride.

And this crazy ride, so far, has been....one of the greatest things I have ever done. (besides Frick and Frack) My blog is right up there with my favorite things in life. And you are all a big part of it, and for that I thank you and I love you and I am eternally grateful that you take a moment out of your busy day to see what kind of Dandy Candy has to share today.

I'm gonna keep on sharing little Candy Dandy's Daily and I hope you all will keep coming.

1000 Thank you's just doesn't quite seem enough, because I get so much more from all of you.

I'm Off Like A Prom Dress....

Happy Friday bloggers!

It's the kickoff to vacation week here in the burbs and we are off again! We all headed to Gotham City, or New York as it's known, because this weekend is for accepted students at NYU. Frick is pumped and Frack is pissed. (he'd rather be golfing in Florida) The only request he had was to go see "Spiderman Turn Off The Dark" on Broadway, to which we all agreed, so he can't be that pissed.

So that means that The Daily Dandy will be on hiatus from today, Friday, April 13, 2012 and will return on Thursday, April 19, 2012.

I'm pumped too. I'm going to see the Statue of Liberty because I've never seen it up close. Yup, and I wanna go eat at Eataly, and I want to go to St. Patricks, (maybe Sunday Mass?) and Saks Fifth Avenue and of course, Bergdorff's and Barneys. I've just got to go to Dylan's Candy Bar, don't I?

My bestest friend in the world lives in NYC, so I'll be seeing lots of her and I have another close friend there and then theres THE MAD TEXTER!! Corey James, I'm coming for you. I want to meet you one day at The Evolution Store in SoHo. My inner Goddess of The Skull LOVES it there, and I must buy myself a souvenir. (it's also directly across the street from the Kardashian's Dash store, so we can go over there and have a field day ripping them).

Needless to say I'm excited.

Have a great week bloggers, I'll see you on the flip side and take a moment to enjoy some city life!

Who Knew Cameron Was A Kansas City Fan?

I'm a little behind schedule bloggers, because I got home last night at 1:00 am after Monday Night Football at Gillette Stadium. Sitting behind me was the guy from ABC's Modern Family, Eric Stonestreet. I don't watch Modern Family but I read enough rag magazines to know who he is and to know he is hilarious on the show.

He's absolutely adorable, and I kept turning around and staring at him (I know, soo rude) because I wasn't quite sure if it was him or not. He was slightly unshaven and I might not have even known who he was if weren't for people taking pictures of him.

Anyway, that's not really what I wanted to tell you. This morning I was working out a bit later than usual and I caught the Rachel Rae show. Today she had her "Thanks-give-away" show spectacular and she was giving away lots of great stuff. Oh yeah, she was giving away designer cookie baskets, Sears gift certificates, Dyson vacuums, watches, Kindle's, bikes, designer cookware and lots more. It got me to thinking about how all the talk show hosts today all vying to create the next "Oprah's Favorite Things" show frenzy with crazy giveaways. Ellen has her "12 days of Give Away" and Dr. Phil and Nate Burkus have been know to stow some goodies underneath the audience seats.

It's like a sweepstakes to become the next heir to the talk show taping Gods, and here's the thing...I WANT IN!!

How do I get tickets to Rachel Rae's "Thanks-give-away" show next year? I am a huge Rachel Rae fan and a true-blue magazine subscriber to Rachel Rae Everyday Magazine. (I don't throw them away and I file them by month). Count me in for the next one!

And Ellen? I guess if I had to I could fly out to LA to see my niece, nephew and his lovely wife next year and see a live taping of Ellen's "12 days of Giveaway". You certainly wouldn't have to twist my arm.

Who wants to come next year? Cmon, it will be fun and we'd have a whole year to plan it. New York or LA? Who's coming? Let's DO it together bloggers!

Candy And Corey's Excellent Adventure

So New York City was a great trip and like all great trips it was over before we knew it. Frick, My Guy and I headed out to the Big Apple early Saturday morning and after a GPS snafu that landed us in Brooklyn, (we input New York, New York instead of Manhattan) we made it to our destination an hour off schedule. This, of course, killed any opportunity for an afternoon matinee, so My Guy bribed Frick and I with some Benjamin's and the promise of a few hours to kill spending them in Times Square.


And who did I have the wonderful pleasure of meeting whilst there???

None other than my blogger buddy Corey James, aka, Mad Texter!! We had been texting each other on the ride in, Corey offering his moral support for us ending up in Brooklyn.


"Crooklyn?! Boy did you make a wrong turn. Enjoy the added tour and try to get yourself on the FDR on the Eastside."


Upon arrival at the W Hotel Times Square, WHICH TOTALLY SUCKED, (can you say dirty bathroom?I'm so disappointed) Frick and I wasted no time getting out with the cash burning a hole in our pockets. First stop? Forever 21. Remember, I was with Frick and Forever 21 is a 17 year old girl's dream destination. Not so much for me, but this trip was all about her, anyway. Corey James met us there, and I knew him from the moment I saw his handsome face descending the huge escalators in the center of the store. We bonded immediately and the three of us corralled about the tacky hookers dream store together.


I think Corey was in shock, to be honest, that cheap, tacky fashions could be all the rage for teenage girls, but as he surveyed the premises and the hundreds of young girls around, I think he understood that we weren't kidding. We even checked out the cheap guy fashions at Forever 21 and believe it or not, we each found something to buy! Then it was off to the mother ship.

That, of course being the Sephora in Times Square. Corey, being a true Candy friend, knew that Sephora would be on my list of shopping destinations.

CANDY: "We are in Times Square. Would it be possible to meet there somewhere?"
COREY:"I'll be there in 15. I'm sure you're going to Sephora first!"

CANDY: "You know me! Hahahahaha! Love it!"

We fought the freaks and tourists in the street, and Corey showed us how to navigate our way through a crowded New York sidewalk, and we made it into Sephora. Frick became completely enamoured by the new magnetic nail polish and decided to give herself a manicure right there. Corey and I touched, smelled, played and tried almost everything in the store. I, of course, spent almost my entire Benjamin on MAKE UP...Seriously I have issues. (do they have a product rehab program?) but I managed to buy a new Urban Decay Eye Shadow Palette that is all neutrals and to die for.

Corey bought some FAB Fresh Lemon Sugar roll on fragrance, on my recommendation, and Frick wanted just about nothing. We left there and sent Frick to Starbucks for Chai Tea Latte's and Corey James fell in love with this new beverage. I showed him how to download emoji free on to his iPhone and now when we text we can use cute ;) little icons instead of words. We spent a few more minutes together and then it was off to dinner for us. We begrudgingly said goodbye to Corey and hurried up to our shitty hotel room just in time to freshen up and leave for dinner.

Yesterday was all about Frick. We arrived at NYU early, had a nice lunch and walked a very nervous young lady into her audition. After about 2 hours Frick came out smiling, but said couldn't gage anything because her auditioner gave her no feedback whatsoever. She said she thought it went well, but in the interview afterward, she wondered if she rambled a bit on one question. And it wasn't like this was the most important audition she had ever been to. It's not like she didn't obsess about it the whole 4 hour ride home wondering if her responses to his questions were good enough., quick enough, and memorable enough. She felt like she was left there on audition island all by herself and I had to talk my little actor off the ledge. She did great and I know this because she had a huge smile on her face when she came down after, but the not knowing was wreaking havoc with her psyche.

Welcome to the rest of your life baby. This is one of those life lessons that I couldn't teach her. She had to learn for herself.

In life we don't always have someone there to reassure us of a job well done. We just have to believe in ourselves enough to know.

Little Heffy's Gotta Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom??

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite, What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"

Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.''

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table," the teacher said.

"And you, Little Heffy, can you show us your good manners?"

Little Heffy said:"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted!

On The Road Again

It's a the kick off to a lovely July 4th weekend, and I'm off and running! It's our traditional July 4th family fun get together on good old Cape Cod and I'm outta here later today. I will be returning to the bloggesphere on Tuesday, July 5th.

I'm looking forward to some BBQ, sun, fun and some good old relaxation and it couldn't have come at a better time. I want to wish a happy one year anniversary to two of my favorite bloggers who met on these here internets, fell in love and got hitched a year ago this weekend.
Cora and Scope! True love is ever so wonderful that way.

So have the very best holiday weekend bloggers! And make some serious fireworks....

I Am Blogger

Sorry about yesterday bloggers, but unforeseen circumstances prevented me from my daily routine of blogging. You see, I spent the day in the ER with a beloved member of my family and I didn't have time to grab the laptop. Time was of the essence. It was not a bloody emergency, thank God. No, it was more of an intense, acute, back pain that caused this person extreme discomfort. Turns out it is a kidney stone and This Person, STILL has not passed it, poor thing. But I'm not supposed to be blogging about it.

I'm not supposed be blogging about it because This Person asked me, in the midst of all the ER craziness, not to blog about it. "Please, no blogging about this. This is not material for your blog," This Person said. I get it, so I won't be blogging about it, except to say that's why I missed a day of blogging for the first time in two years. (without, of course, letting you all know I wouldn't be blogging) But it did get me to thinking...

Blogging and I have become one. I am blogger and proud of it. Yesterday morning, while sitting in the doctors office, then the ER, knowing that This Person was going to be uncomfortable, but ultimately fine, I became a little anxious with the knowledge that I had not blogged and probably would not be blogging at all. I felt like I was shirking my responsibilities. Like I was skipping school for the first time, only as an adult, and the guilt would rear it's ugly little head every now and again. Now, I'm not saying that what I do here on The Daily Dandy is important. I'm saying that what I do here on The Daily Dandy is important to ME and if others are enjoying it, then that's a huge bonus.

I know I am a blogger because my family reads my blog regularly. Every once in a while someone from my large, crazy, family will tell me they liked my blog last week about.... Sometimes, My Guy will go on my blog to try and figure out what I'm thinking or ask me why I chose to share some intimate detail of our lives with the bloggersphere and I'm pretty certain he always checks The Dandy the day after a big fight. My best friend who lives in Vegas will shoot me a text every now and then that says, "love the blog today! hee hee." and some of my clients have become regular readers. I know this because I have received several emails congratulating me on my recent marriage, while scratching my head wondering how they knew until I figured it out.

For me, the evidence of my blogger identity came to light at my recent wedding when my children, Frick and Frack, gave the most elequoent, sincere, articulate and heartwarming toast/speech. In that speech, they mentioned that I was a blogger, in case people didn't know, and they dropped my blog name and told a story of one of my blog posts involving them, misbehaving badly. They even went on to quote all of you, by name, and repeat your comments. It was a laugh out loud riot, coming straight from them, and I realized that they read The Dandy more than I thought. It gave me pleasure to know that they too, check every now and again to see what mom is "ranting about today".

But most of all I am blogger for me. I don't think I have ever done anything in my life that felt so right, where I had the freedom to just be me and I knew it from the day I started. Oh I know, most days I suck badly and some days I'm lazy. Some days I'm funny and some days I'm serious and sad. Sporty, quirky, celebrity-obsessed, ridiculous or nostalgic, blogger is a big part of who I am and you all are too. Please, keep reading The Daily Dandy, and I'll keep reading your wonderful blogs. It's not rocket science, what we do here. It's just blogging. But for me, it's become a very important part of my day and my life.

I mean, where else can one go to find the latest, greatest, commentary on those crazees over at WalMart (besides Thepeopleofwalmart.com) or the inside scoop on Tom Brady's ingrown fingernail? That's right people, it's important work I'm doing here and I'm damn proud of it. I am Blogger; hear me roar.

July Moves Forth

Happy Forth Bloggers!

I'm taking off today, (after work) to Cape Cod for a long weekend to observe the holiday with my loved ones. I'll be back here on Tuesday morning.

I want to give a BIG BLOGGER shout out to my friends Cora and Scope as they enter into the bonds of holy matrimony on Saturday!!!! I'm so happy for you both. God Bless and enjoy every minute of your big day. (I wish I could have been there)

I also want to say best wishes to my best friend, who decided to pull off her wedding this weekend. It all happened in a week and sometimes that 's the best way to do it. I'll be there to witness your moment, shed a few happy tears and toast you and your groom into a new life. I can't wait.

As July moves forth, life does too and we come to realize how precious it really is when you share it with someone you love.

So share your forth with the love of your life and cherish the memories!

Peace.

6 Reasons Why We Are Way So Much Cooler In General

So RW wrote a post the other day about why his Chicago White Sox are "much cooler than you". In that post he called myself and BE Earl out for being the most passionate fans on the planet, who are engaged in the greatest sports rivalry of all time. HA! Kids these days...

Earlsie then took to the sphere with his rendition of why the Evil Empire strives to be cooler, and being a bleeding red, white and blue Sox fan I had to follow suit. So fellas, step aside. It's time for the real "show" to start. (see what I did there? little baseball euphemism...)

#1. We are the Cubs Daddy: Just ask Pedro Martinez, cuz he coined the phrase. The Cubs are nothing more than a poor man's Red Sox. As I stated on RW's blog, we left those losers in the dust in 2004 and fact is fact. There is no more "wait until next year" because we turned around and did it again in 2007, proving that Cubbie's and every other poser, we be your daddy! Dare I say it, sometimes, (and I mean SOMETIMES) I kind of miss that underdog, loser team that we used to be. At least when we lost we could all agree to how bad we sucked. In that we were unified. But taking a look at our 2 shiny and spankin' new World Series trophies this decade puts all those feelings of inferiority to rest. History baby. We made history.



#2. You can be Bad Ass, I'll take the Idiots any day: Lovable idiots. They are the ones who brought us home the hardware. They had long hair, beards, cheeks stuffed with chew and baggy pants and they didn't care. And neither did we. We loved them as long as they were winning. And win they did. They took the Nation on a ride one October in 2004 that we will NEVER forget. Grown men cried and women who cared nothing about sports were suddenly spewing *Pedro* pitching stats like Jerry Remy. Grubby dirtbags who shocked the world and Reversed a Curse, making the stuff of legends.


Heroics, sacrifice, determination and drive are what those idiots coughed up and when the end of the ALCS championship was over, this Nation had really won the World Series. The Cardinals were just a technicality. Major League Choke makes Major League history. Those bloody sox are seated at the right hand of the Hall of Fame.


#3. Sweet Caroline: It's actually very cool that the Na-na-na-na chant heard 'round the world originated in Cominsky, but we invented a true blue Fenway tradition. No other ballpark in the world delays the play of game in the seventh inning so that it's fans can sing Neil Diamond's classic, "Sweet Caroline". It's ours and ours alone. We may look and sound like idiot's, but we don't care. No self respecting Red Sox fan would dare leave a game before "Sweet Caroline". (unless we were being brutally spanked) It's so good, so good, so good! Also, I believe Jordan's Furniture, a local furniture company was the first ever to run a promotion before the start of the 2007 season:

"As a promotion in 2007, Jordan's offered full rebates on certain pieces of furniture bought between March 7 and April 16 - provided the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. The store took out an insurance policy for approximately twenty million US dollars. Since the Red Sox did win the World Series, Jordan's Furniture gave an estimated 30,000 qualified orders away for free."

#4. Disco may suck, but Fenway believes, "Long Live Rock": The Boss, The Stones, The Police, Neil Diamond, Buffet, and McCartney are just a few of the Rock and Roll legends to have performed on the fields of "America's most beloved ballpark" to an adoring nation. This summer our very own Bad Boys of Rock & Roll Aerosmith, will perform and I will be front and center. The Stones concert was so mammoth, that rumor had it almost destroyed left field irreparably. The Winter Classic played at Fenway this year?? Poetic and beautiful. It brought a tear to a sports fan's eye.









#5. Harry God Damn Frazee, sucker: The bastard owner of the Red Sox who sold Ruth to the Yankees in 1919 and kicked off The Curse. All for a skirt and a Broadway show called, "No, No Nanette". Before then, the Red Sox were one of the most successful baseball teams in the majors, winning the first World Series and five more since the first. That all came to a halting stop after The Babe was sent packing. The rest is 86 year history. Bastard.






And Number 6???: This is The Nation.

It's not pretty, but we own it. It's the only place in the world where sitting down with your kids to have "the talk" means talking and teaching "Yankees smack-talk".

Any questions?

*this has been edited for accuracy*

Big City Of Dreams

I'm sure you are all expecting a couple of great pictures of Beckeye and I from our fabulous NYC meeting, but I dropped the ball and forgot my camera and my iphone took some pretty bad ones, so you'll just have to use your imaginations.

NYC was great! The good weather gods were smiling down on us, and we arrived late Friday night to find a FREE parking street spot smack dab in front of my BFF's front door. (After we had already parked in a 24hr garage around the corner. I went back to get the car and had to pay $12 for a full 10 minutes. Welcome to NYC)

Saturday was a perfectly glorious day! One BFF had to work till 6pm so the other BFF and I had mapped out our retail therapy day. Before we left, in true NYC fashion, I crawled out onto my girlfriend's fire escape to breathe in the splendor of the city. I had been sitting out there for a few minutes, when I spied a simple everyday task being performed that I found most fascinating.

Someone's Nonna was hanging out the laundry. I gotta tell you, she had it down to a science. She lined up all the clothespins in the window sill and she expertly hung each item with precision and skill as she moved them down the pulley in a most efficient fashion. I was entranced, but was startled back in reality when I realized I had wasted almost 20 minues watching Nonna and the laundry show.

Off we went. First stop, Bergdorf Goodman, where the shoe sale was 65% off!! Apparently the entire designer shoe wearing population of NYC was aware of this as well, because all that was left was the red-headed step-child of designer shoes, picked over and discarded. Sadly, we left empty handed. We did, however, manage to catch a white-trash, cash padded pimp and what I am assuming were his two ho's, buying at least 10 pairs of shoes for the girls as they giggled and caressed his bald head. I heard him say to the ladies, "I don't want you girls wearing these out on the streets, ya'll hear me?" Where else but the big city.

We visited Henri Bendel, then hopped a cab to Soho where we ripped that place up as well. It was about 3pm, and since we had not eaten any lunch, we decided to stop for some oysters and champagne. I stepped outside and gave Becks a ring on the telly, so we could plan our meet up time. The plan was to meet up at 7:30, but like most well laid out plans that get messed up by a few glasses of champagne, we were late. We had planned to meet down on the Chelsea pier on an old boat that is now a bar called The Frying Pan.

We arrived closer to 8:30, and it was a good thing, because Becks was running late too. I had already talked to Beckeye at least 4 or 5 times to assure her that we were on our way. The sun was just setting pink on the Hudson and the night was clear and picturesque. It was a beautiful sight. We saw our destination, which turned out to be 3 separate boats attached to each other, jam-packed with people. As I walked up to the line at the dock, I spotted Becks. In pure Candy fashion, I started screaming her name like an excited fool. I gave her a BIG hug, introduced her to my friends, and we were off to mix and mingle among the masses on the boats.

We managed to find a table amidst the chaos, (sorry for the pic, but the boat sways, although you don't realize it unless you are looking over at one of the other boats) and we chatted and had cocktails on the Hudson. I have to say it was really beautiful. Beckeye is AWESOME, and beautiful and funny and sweet and smart, as I knew she would be, and we talked about all of you and the bloggersphere. We talked about lots of things, and I found our conversation to be easy and interesting, as we never really ran out of things to talk about. After a while, the music got louder and we got tired of screaming and were all getting hungry, so we left and went to a GREAT Italian restaurant that Becks suggested and had a late dinner.

We sat outside in a quaint little back patio and had some really great food. Becks friend met up with us there and all 5 of us enjoyed each others company over some Sangria. The portions were huge and the appetizers were so great that by the time dinner was served, we were already stuffed. BUT, being the trooper that I am, I managed to keep going, and continued on with my meal. Can't let a fabulous meal go to waste, right??

At dinner we laughed and joked about the funny, stupid stuff, and I was now beginning to feel the effects of the "crash and burn" syndrome. The food had grounded me back to earth and I knew I was "stick a fork in me" done. Christ, I'm old. What do you expect? We wrapped things up around 12:30 and I knew it was a night for me, so I sadly said my goodbye's to Beckeye (who continued her night on. She's my hero). We decided that she NEEDS to come to Boston, (since she has never been) and she needs to come soon, so I can take her to the sacred grounds of Fenway Park. Becks admitted to being a huge baseball fan as a young girl, but since the Pirates are not gunning for titles every year, she has lost her desire for America's favorite pastime.

Here's hoping a trip to Fenway, "America's Most Beloved Ball Park" will change all that. Hell Becks, we'll even get you a Sox baseball cap so that the chances of you being beat up and mugged in your neighborhood while wearing it, will increase by at least 50%! Good times.

In all, it was a wonderful meeting and I'm so glad Beckeye and I met.

Now Becks girl, I'm talking to you, c'mon and let me show you my city!! AND this time, we'll take pictures...

Candy's Excellent New York Adventure

HOT BLOGGER HOOK UP!!!!

I am pumped!

I'm going to the BIG APPLE tonite with my girls for a little excellent adventure and to meet up with my very first blogger!!! WHOO HOO!! Somebody pinch me cuz I must be dreaming!!!

Yup, I have arranged to meet with the fabulous, world famous, most ingenious, truly gifted, one and only......


wait for it.....


BECKEYE!!

Oh yeah, Becks and I are going to paint the town purple and talk all about you people and various celebrity dribble and all kinds of important chick shit and such!!!! And there is the very good possibility that we will be meeting with BE Earl of The Verdant Dude too. (I'm still waiting on his email as to whether or not he is in)

Can't wait. This will be my very first blogger hook-up. I think my buddy Scope holds the record for the most blogger meet and greets, he's got to have at least 10, I think. That includes the love of his life, that he found in the sphere, his lovely lady, Cora. He gets extra special bonus points for that one!

Anyway, I'll tell you all about it on Monday and Becks and I will discuss the possibility of pictures. Or not, but I can guarentee there will be pictures....

So get on it people and start spreading the news......I'm leaving today........I want to be a part of it!

Have a great weekend!

Payton Is A Gangsta Manning

To continue yesterday's conversation about criminals in the NFL, my blogger buddy Chris from Maugeritaville commented on my Michael Vick editorial:

"Seriously, if you're going to ban guys from the NFL for being criminals, we'll be left with a two-on-two game . . . Peyton Manning and Greg Jennings against Kurt Warner and Warrick Dunn."

A great point. But I hate to break it to you Chris, as it brought this little gem to mind. (and dammed if I couldn't find a better clip of it. The voice is out of synch, but you get the point)

Yes, the NFL looks to be in great shape with role models like our poster boy Peyton.

My Girl Beckeye Is Eagle Eye

(Sorry Becks-I totally jacked this from your site)

Plagiarism is a dirty act, plain and simple. It is one of the first sacred rules you learn about in journalism school; one that you NEVER break. (See: Mike Barnicle) Heck, in high school, they threatened that engaging in plagiarism was punishable by expulsion or worse-criminal charges. Long story short-don't do it unless you credit your source. It's a bad move that can destroy literary careers and reputations and turn into a lethal career killer.

To plagiarize is defined in Merrriam Webster's online dictionary as:

to steal and pass off (the ideas and words of another) as one's own: use (another's production) without crediting the source.

to commit literary theft: present as new and original an idea or product derived from an existing source.

I tell you all this because my blogger buddy Beckeye from that FABU pop culture website, The Pop Eye, has loyally brought it to my attention that The Daily Dandy has been plagiarized....I know you're shocked!!! So was I!!! That's right people, The Dandy has become the victim of a horrendous literary crime, a plagiari-ee, so to speak.

In other words, I have arrived!!!!

WHOO HOOO!!!

I'm kidding....I take this sh*t very seriously and the fact that this person BLATANTLY passed off my words as his really pisses me off.

Becks sent me an e-mail alerting me to the fact that this clown, a "Mr. Ash gee" from the Indian website nhatky.in.com, jacked my American Idol recap post from the night Adam Lambert was in the bottom two. It's not like he stole a few gems here and there, NOOOO. He jacked the entire post!! Even my photo!! (which I jacked off google) It looks like he cut and paste the entire post, passed it off to his editors, and then went on about his day. Like it was business as usual, which I'm sure it probably is.

I never would have known........ but Mr. Ash gee, you made one too many fatal errors in judgement, dude. Beside engaging in "dirty plagiarism", you discounted the loyalty between fellow bloggers. Big mistake on your part, HUGE. My girl Becks totally had my back, and now you have been busted!!

The thing about this is that in my ORIGINAL post, I used a very conversational language, as if I were speaking directly to my Dandy readers about the previous nights episode of AI. Possibly not my best work, as I used a few "inferred profanities" to get my passionate point across. (Couldn't he have jacked some of my better, less profanity laced stuff? sheesh)

To prove my point, here is my ORIGINAL post dated April 30, 2009,

http://candysdailydandy.blogspot.com/2009/04/tragedy-and-comedy-of-last-nights.html

And here is the cheap, ripped off from The Dandy, "Mr. Ash gee"'s pathetic attempt at his own American Idol glory,

http://www.nhatky.in/american-idol-tragedy-in-last-night-12334436

Look, as writers, we all must be readers, and as such we are certainly inspired by something we read some where out there in the World Wide Web, but for God's sake, credit the source! If you lift an idea here and there, how much time does it take to add a link and cover your literary a*s???

SOOOO, as punishment, Mr. ASS GEE, or whatever your name is, I will send an e-mail to your purported employer over at nhatk.in and inform them of your blatant theft of my words and let the chips fall where they may. You only have yourself to blame.

As for us over here at the Daily Dandy, we take care of our own.

For one day only, as your American punishment, I urge my readers to please feel free to insert Slumdog and Seven Eleven jokes into today's comments.

Karma's a bitch dude.

What Is NORMAL?

That's right. The Insultatron says God has a crush on me. Hold the applause, please. I am more the modest type.

I know what you're thinking though and it's OK really, cuz I was thinking it too. Can you blame him?

The Insultatron is the ever knowing, ever insulting brain-child of my friend Poobomber/or God, as he is now known, over at The Other Side of Normal. Poo is a Seth Rogen-looking genius who never ceases to create a stir in the bloggersphere with his web pedigree. I think he got it right this time, because he may just be God.

Case in point. I got this beauty at his place a few weeks back, and I held on to it so that I could properly introduce you all to Poo. His stuff is da bomb, and his humor is completely uproarious. Back in the day-(last year)-Poo was self-employed and worked from home so he would regale us with two to three posts a day. Then, in the winter he became Dan Dan the Corporate Man and he could post only once a day, but never lost a step. Some of his greatest moments were in parodies of our very own former Commander in Chief-W.

I decided today was the day for Poo over at the Daily Dandy, so I went over there to drop him a line and let him know I still love him (I really do) and I was going to post big love right here today. In PERFECT Poo fashion, PT Barnum got his favorite sucker, yet again. To understand what I'm talking about you need to go HERE. Yes, once again, Poo's geinus cloaked me in gullibility.

Now-since I had already visited Zibsy's site before Poo's-And I was FIRST- you will notice that I had already read Zibsy's post and commented before I linked to the post over at The Other Side Of Normal. Oh the shame of being gullible and manipulated by a master. The funny thing is it took me a good 10 minutes to figure it out!!!

HELLO?

Run along little girl, your mommy is calling you. It's time for just the big kids to play.

Poo/God/Peebs/Dan, I love you.

And really, it's OK if you have a crush on me because I have one on you too.

Queen Beeyoch

The ladies over at Scandalous Housewife have bestowed upon me a most distinct honor; that of Queen Bitch.

Hell Yeah! It's nice to be recognized for all your hard work and dedication. Thank you my bishes!

Scandalous Housewife is the home to three lovely ladies-Team Cougar-Scandy-the smokin hot Scandalous Housewife herself, Lush-Ess, her sexy, MILF counter part and Suburbia Steph, the deliciously naughty suburban house wife extraordinaire. Please check them out, one click over there and you will be hooked! (Heff, these lovelies are right up your alley) Oh the trouble and mischief we could conjure up if we lived near each other. One can only dream.....LOVE THEM!

Anyway, enough of the Scandalous love fest! So with this prestigious award I must adhere to the following:

With this award,the Queen duties include:

1. List 7 things that make you awe-summm.

2. Pass the award onto 7 bloggers that we love.

3. Tag those bloggers to let them know they are now Queens, too (and link back to the Queen who tagged you).

Ok bishes, you ask and you shall recieve.

I decided that since the Scandalous Ones inspired this post, I would list 7 things that the bishes would approve of that make me awe-summmmm.

Warning: This could get a little racy.

1. I have no gag reflex. Nuff said.

2. I was a dancer and I still occasionally take ballet class to stay fit. Let's just say that FLEXIBILITY is my strong suit.

3. After my ex-asshole and I broke up, one of the first things I did was hook up with a hot, young, strapping, hottie that had a thing for me in grad school. Since I was married at the time we met, we became good friends until that evening....revenge sex ROCKS!

4. My breasts are real and still perky-after forty. My cleavage is a weapon I use wisely.

5. I practice a very disciplined form of exercise daily called Kegels.

6. My Guy says that I am insatiable. Like this is a problem?

7. I shop regularly at La Perla. Nuff said.

So because I love all you bitches and I couldn't choose between you, I invite you to take this award and run with it!

Thanks to Scandy and the crew for providing the inspiration for today's fun. Now if you'll excuse me, some of us may need a cold shower.

Peace Bishes!