Jingle Bells

The bells may be ringing, but they don't soothe my broken heart.

My memories of you are red and raw, like my tired eyes today. I chose to let you go, but that choice cut right through me and left me broken. I know you will suffer no more, so I must take comfort in the pieces of our life.

You came to me when I needed you, wanted you and you never wavered. Always at my feet, or anywhere you could hear me, smell me; just to know I was there made you happy. It was your comfort and mine and love was our bond.

You were feisty, like me, and you took no bull from the others. You were a woman among men and you could handle yourself. I loved that about you. You licked and snorted and barked to let us know that you loved us no matter what. You protected us and today, I still feel your presence in the tears of your family. The pack mourns too.

You were here yesterday, but today you are gone and I still can't believe it. It's the strangest feeling. In a house full of people, there is an overwhelming emptiness.

My heart is broken.
Our hearts are all broken.

I hope you are at peace wherever you are and I hope you know that I loved you like my own, because you were my own. My girl. My baby girl, what will I do without you?

The bells are ringing because today you got your wings, but they don't soothe my broken heart.

Now Ain't That Some Sh*t

0-4?? What's this sh*t? Should we hit the panic button?

Firmly sitting in last place in the AL East is not where the projected winner of the World Series should be. That visual this morning made me slightly sick. I read this quote today in the Boston Herald, "No team that started 0-4 has ever won a World Series." But we're not talking about any ordinary 0-4 team. This is the "fully loaded" 2011 Boston Red Sox, and everybody knows that when you count them out, they make you look silly.

Now that's a bold statement coming from a bold Sox fan, and after last night it's more than questionable.

But let's add a dash of reality and not get crazy here because our boys have yet to touch the green grass of their beloved Fenway this season. We've got some time, and looky here, we've got the home opener this Friday which begins a three day home stand with the Evil Empire. Nothing more rejuvenating than a series win over those Damn Yankees.

Then we host Tampa Bay, who last time I checked were dancing at the bottom of the standings with the Sox. So if we do a little simple math here, the Sox have seven games ahead; two more with Cleveland, three with New York and a couple with Tampa. If they take 5 out of the seven against those teams, (which is totally possible) my standing visual becomes much more palpable. Yes? And if they don't we best be hiding the cutlery, just saying.

"We need some kind of spark right now," said newly acquired free agent Carl Crawford after last night's game. A spark? After four games on a brandy new, high hopes season? I hate to break it to you pal but it looks like "we" need a fricken propane tank to light a fire under this team because nobody here likes loosing streaks.

And what if they get their baseball swagger on and win the next seven games? Then we would be in the same place. Yup, we would then be able to comfortably say, "Now ain't that some sh*t!" Here's to hoping for that.

As Old As The Crust On Your Underwear

Holy Sh*t!

I just realized that I'm old.

Like, this just happened no more than five minutes ago and the realization hit me like a mack truck. Old. Older than dirt. Just plain washed up. One minute I was up; way up, then like Newton says, I came down for the count.

How did this happen? When did this happen? I did not OK this sh*t...somebody pinch me because I'm dreaming.
Let me explain.

Five minutes ago I was in the car with Frick and Frack on the way to school. Frack gets dropped off first, then it's Frick's turn. As Frack is exiting the car, I say to him, "Hey, since the Seniors are gone from the high school, I think you are now officially a freshman." I say this because his sister reminds us, almost daily, that since the seniors are now out of school, she is officially a "junior".
"Not really mom," she says. "He's still in Middle School." Whatever....God forbid she throw him a bone here....

So Frack tells Frick that she's a jerk, and then he slams the door and he's off to school for the day. We proceed on to the high school. As we pull up to the drop off point, Frick triumphantly announces that at this time next year, she will be driving to school. (because at her age EVERYTHING revolves around getting her licence)
"Oh yes," I say, as I matter of factly contemplate the driving rules of the high school. "You will be driving to school because you'll be a junior, and only upperclassmen are allowed to take their cars to school."

Then she drops the big bomb.

"No mom, because this time next year I will officially be a SENIOR"......and she shuts the door and goes on her merry way......

The word SENIOR hangs in the air like the sulfur from a burnt match. I suddenly feel as if I can't catch my breath, and my extremities are instantly numbed and paralyzed. As I sit in my car, unable to move, thoughts begin racing through my mind at a lightening speed and a tsunami of emotion washes over my motionless body.

According to her, she will be a ....don't say it. Don't think it......If I squeeze my eyes shut really tight, do you think it will go away? Will it??

Oh. My. God.

My baby girl will technically be a "Senior" in high school one year from now. When the HELL did that happen? I had to take a deep breath. I didn't say she could grow up. She never asked me if it was OK to technically become a SENIOR next year. And what? I just have to sit by and take this crap? Somebody stop this ride because I want to get off! Right now!

And then it hit me like a driving foul ball at Fenway Park on a warm July evening; I'm old.

It's all over for me. I'm not going to fight it. I'm going to break out the rocking chair and the orthopedic shoes, because my time has come. Do you think Louboutin makes orthopedics with a red sole? Just because I'm old, it doesn't mean I have to change. I can still be stylish. So what if my designer purse will now be filled with rumpled Kleenex and Splenda packets.

And just as I am about to give in to the old that is climbing up my body like a greedy choke vine, my mother comes to my mind.

The woman who taught me everything about who I am.
The woman who has been a shining example of motherhood and style.
The woman who everyone marvels at and wonders how she still looks so great.

And I realize that old is nothing. There is nothing old about my mother. She laughs every day in the face of old and wins.
I realize that I have been blessed with good genes and the chutzpa to flip old the bird.

And my breathing returns to normal.
And I think about Frick as a senior.
And a smile creeps across my face, as I remember the excitement of my senior year.

And as I push the lump in my throat back down into submission, I whisper to myself quietly,

"Bring it on."

The Loss Of My Good Friend $Bill

I went to the beach yesterday. We had a great time. I took my daughter, (my son is away at camp) and we met my cousin and her children at Nantasket Beach in Hull, MA. It was an awesome beach day. The sun was shining, the temps were in the 80's and all was well. My cousin expertly packed a cooler full of good stuff; sandwich meats, bread, fresh fruit, Doritos, Fritos, soda, water, juice bags and other assorted snacks. We had lunch and spent the afternoon fighting the rising tide. You would think that we had everything we needed for a perfect day right at our finger tips. Almost everything.

Across the street from the beach parking lot there is a board walk with lots of ice cream stands, gift shops and clam shacks. So what's a trip to Nantasket beach without an ice cream cone to complete the day? And I always say,"When in Rome...". We decided the time for ice cream had come, so I wrapped a towel around my waist, put on my flip-flops and went up to the car to grab some money. I took a $20 dollar bill from my wallet, and since I was wearing a bathing suit, flip flops and towel, I folded the $20 and put it into the bra of my bathing suit for safe keeping.

Yes I did. This is something I have done a thousand times before.

I stooped at the bath house to go to the bathroom, washed my hands and as I was staring into the mirror, I noticed the money just barely peeking out of the top of my bathing suit, securely. I came out, met the group and off we went to get the summer treat. We walked a mere 1/4 of a mile to the ice cream stand and when I got there I reached down for the $20 dollar bill and it was GONE!!!!!!
I know it wasn't lost in the top of my bathing suit because there was no hiding anywhere in that suit, so I un-wrapped my towel to see if it had somehow fallen in between, but there was no such luck. It was then that I realized that it must have fallen out somewhere between the bath house and the ice cream shack and that with all the people walking around I could be more than sure that someone had picked it up in the few minutes since I made the walk over.

Now I know what you're thinking, no big deal, right? Yeah, there were a few moments of the "no big deal" thinking going through my head, but those were quickly replaced with feelings of complete loss. I was pissed. I was more pissed at myself for being so irresponsible. What a dumb-ass!! Granted, I had more money in the car, and that on the walk back to the car the lost money was no where to be found, but I couldn't help feel bad about it. What would I tell my daughter? What kind of example am I as a mother??? Most of all I missed my friend, Mr. $20 dollar bill.

We got the ice cream, but somehow it wasn't as good as should have been and I couldn't get my mind off my good friend $Bill. I though about $Bill while I swam with the kids in the big waves and rode the surf, laughing. I thought about $Bill as we watched an awesome Tall Ship (they were in Boston over the weekend) sail by on the horizon. I thought about $Bill as we sunbathed and my cousin and I told funny stories to our kids about our childhood. I thought about $Bill as I watched an old man in dirty, tattered clothing retrieving bottles and cans from the trash bin and I suddenly realized that $Bill was probably in a better place.

I decided that I didn't need to beat myself up over my irresponsibility any longer. Maybe $Bill became someone else's good friend. It's possible $Bill helped someone through a tough time or provided them with an essential they needed. Maybe $Bill fed a hungry child or made someone happy. I can live with that. I wont think about the other possibilities. I'll just think about my good friend $Bill doing Gods work, helping someone in need. It's the best way to deal with the loss of such a good friend.

Michael Has Left The Building

Michael Jackson has left the building for good.

In what would seem to be a very sad ending for a supremely sad man, Michael Jackson will entertain no more.

Regardless of your opinion of him as a human being, you cannot deny The King of Pop's influence on the music of the eighties. When I think about Michael Jackson and his music I can literally map out my adolescence using his music as the soundtrack. Today I will remember the Michael I loved, the Man in the Mirror.

I was 13 years old and at my friends house after school when we saw "the moonwalk". Taped at the Apollo theatre for the Anniversary of Motown, Michael shocked the world when it appeared he could defy gravity. It was exciting. It was special, and when you watched Michael perform this never before seen dance move, you knew you were witnessing greatness.

I was a sophomore in high school, a kid of the MTV video generation, and my brother and I watched in awe as the greatest ever, Thriller music video played out on out living room TV. It was a rare bonding moment for my brother and I, and I still have my red leather jacket, just like Michael's.

Beat It, and the choreography from the video dominated my dance classes. For a brief time, a young girl dreamed of becoming a dancer in Hollywood or a Michael Jackson video. While Michael was King, the possibilities for a career as a dancer were real.

Off The Wall, which I consider to be one of his greatest albums ever, has countless hits that trigger memories of parties I attended and boys I danced with or kissed. Michael Rocked with us All Night.

The Jackson 5's A B C made a little girl Shake Her Body Down To The Ground and feel the joy of their special, soulful sound. It was then that I realized I had the music in me.

There were countless times when I loved Michael Jackson. There were countless times that I hated Michael Jackson. There were times that I was embarassed by him, yet intrigued by his bizarre life. I was never NOT interested with him and today I am sad that he has been taken so soon.

I will always remember him, and when I hear his music, I will dance. And I Won't Stop Until I Get Enough.

This Is All I Have To Say Today

WHY?

I'm devastated.

This is a black day at the Daily Dandy. I just heard the news.

Tom Brady & Gisele Bündchen Get Married!

In case you weren't aware of my obsession with Tommy please refer here.

My BFF and I had this text exchange no more than ten minutes ago.

HER: Brady's off the block.

ME: Who r your sources???!!! I read it in the Boston Globe today and it is unconfirmed!!! (the rumors about the engagement have been swirling for months-all confirmed as rumors and NOT true)

HER: People dot com

ME: SHUT UP!!

HER: Yup. lol small intimate ceremony...Sorry bic

ME: (still holding out hope that it's just a rumor) I'm going to check it out right now.

(after a good six or seven minutes)

ME: I just puked! Oh nooooooo, why? Why? Why? I'm devastated. Bitch. He just ruined his image. Now he's just a pussy-whipped has been. OMG-did I just say that??(see how devastated I am-I resorted to that level of LOW-forgive me Tommy)

HER: (forever my bestest friend-trying to console me) No worries at least he married quality.

ME: If she fucking jinxed his career I will stalk and kill the bitch MYSELF.*

All I am left with is this: WHY???

*Of course I would NEVER kill Giselle or any other living creature. I'm a pacifist whose just mad as hell right now.