I Hate It When That Happens

Fred rushes in and announces loudly, 'I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic.  Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was this woman in a Jaguar doing at least 70 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her mascara.

I looked away for a couple seconds and then the next thing I knew was she was careering all over my lane.

It scared me so badly that I dropped my electric shaver into my coffee, and it spilled all over my mobile phone.

Monday Minutia

• Saw a post on FB that cracked me right up. It said, "If Mondays were shoes, they'd be Crocs"

• And on that note, the funniest thing I ever saw on Twitter was a tweet from a dude who said, "Whoever just left me a voice mail, could you send me a text and let me know if I should listen to it?" 

• So all the weather people here are foaming at the mouth over the fact that we need 2" more of snow to break the record for the snowiest winter ever. I'm thinking, really? Tell that to the thousands of us here dealing with ice dam damage and seasonal depression..

• I'm almost finished with the 3rd season of "Breaking Bad". Why did I never watch this show when everyone was telling me I had to? I'm now obsessed! This is the greatest thing on television! I love the whole dynamic between Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston. And Aaron Paul's, " Yo, where's my money?...Bitch!" Interesting to note: "Breaking Bad" is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the Highest Rated TV Series.

• The Boston Herald reported that My Tommy is thinking that after he retires from football, he may go the Hollywood way, via an acting career. I say whatever My Tommy is selling...I'm buying.

Sheer perfection...I'd pay to watch him recite the alphabet.

Monday Morning

Ughhh. Monday...

If you ask me Sunday is the greatest day of the week.
But not yesterday. Sunday is my only day of the week to power down and re-charge my battery. But not yesterday.

Yesterday sucked.

Yesterday was right up there with one of the worst days of my life. Top five for sure.
What I learned:

• I'm not superwoman.
• I have to ask for help because I need it.
• I'm fooling no one but myself and I'm not even fooling myself, which means I suck at that too.

So here it is Monday and I'm completely depleted of any optimism or freshness. I'm stuck here in hell and I need to get out. I'm feeling like I'm waaay back at my opponent's 5 yard line and there is not a receiver in sight. Do I take the sack or do I take my ball and get off the field? Neither option is going to give me any relief. And the kicker? It's a gloomy, misty, cold Monday morning. Not even a dose of vitamin D to get me going. 

Why bother?

Anyone seen my mojo? Let it know I'm lobbing a Hail Mary to the end zone and I'm going to pray it gets caught. 

Monday Morning Joke

Two guys are out enjoying a beautiful day of golf.

One guy steps up to the tee box and sets up to take his shot. Just as he's about to swing through, a funeral precession drives by. The man stops and waits for the precession to go by and even bows his head in respect as the procession drives through.

The other guy looks to his friend and says, "Wow, that was amazing that you just did that. That was just about the classiest thing I have ever seen on a golf course."

His friend says, "Yeah, it was the least that I could do. After all, I was married to her for thirty five years."

Politically Incorrect Auto Correct

This has been all over the Internet and I thought it was way too funny not to share. Happy Monday!

Monday Morning Blues

Post mini vacation and this is me.

I suck today.

Just no good. But it's back to the grind anyway because life waits for no man.
So I decided that a joke today should liven things up....of course, this is NSFW, so keep the volume low.

Now that was funny~ Happy Monday bloggers!!

Happy Holiday

Today is holiday in Massachusetts! It's Patriots day and it's a nice little break for us in early spring.

Patriots Day is a civic holiday that commemorates the anniversary of the first battles of the Revolutionary war; the Battles of Lexington and Concord. It is alway on the third Monday of April and the battles are re- enacted in both Lexington, MA, at the Lexington Green, and Concord, MA at the Old North Bridge. Hundreds of Militia groups gather to enjoy the re-enactment of the battles and play war games.

It's also the 117th running of the Boston Marathon, or "Marathon Monday". The 26.2 mile marathon which begins at 9: 35 AM and goes in waves till the last group runs off about 10:40 AM. For me? It's a forced holiday. The famous marathon runs right in front of The Candy Bar  in Wellesley, and closes things down in the town for most of the day. The streets surrounding Wellesley are blocked and there is only foot traffic allowed. It's not a great retail environment, so we all shut down for the day. The weather is not cooperating either. The chilly 43 degree weather will keep the spectators to a minimum.

A traditional Red Sox/Tampa Bay matinee at Fenway rounds out the Patriot's Day events  making us a bustling HUB of activity. I am going to make the most of a rare Monday off and do a few things I never get to do, like cook and clean and go to the supermarket. (seriously, I really just said that)

Happy Monday Bloggers!
I hope yours is a good one too.

Just Because It's Almost St Paddy's Day

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, 'Ma' am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.'

The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!' She asks the doctor, 'Well, what's the girl's name?' Denise.'

'Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?'

'Denephew.'

http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/jokes_moon.htm

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

It was one of those weekends.

The Good: I got to see an old friend and help a good one. Seeing people you used to have a great connection and memories with is always a pleasure. It's nice to catch up and commiserate over shared issues and people and laugh about old times. My good friend finally relented, which is a miracle in itself, but she allowed me to help her through a challenge. I can report the outcome was better than expected and facing the challenge may have helped her more that we both know.

The Bad: The hits just keep on coming, but I will not relent. Forward motion is what I will continue and I will not let this battle deter me from my final goal. I've done my due diligence and I'm moving forward with the plan. Battle I will, if the need be, but I will not relent. The strong survive and I've got that on my side. I am confident the outcome will be worth it all.

The Ugly: Oh yeah, it was ugly, and we all know it. Every soldier on that field yesterday and every fan can all agree, that Patriots loss in the home opener was ugly. No two ways about it. Ugly breeds ugly. I couldn't help but feel like this was payback for the Baltimore loss last year in the playoffs on the same play. Now I know what the fan from Baltimore feel like. It doesn't feel good. Yet, every week we keep coming back for more. Go figure.

And in the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara, "Tomorrow is another day."
I'm holding out hope for today.

A Cowboy Tale

A Cowboy walks into a drugstore and asks the woman behind the counter if he can buy some condoms.
"Scuse me Ma'am, but I'd like to buy a box o' condoms please."

The woman retrieves a box from behind the counter, comes over to the register and rings in his purchase.
"That will be $13.75. Would you like a bag, sir?"

The cowboy replies, "Naw, but thank you. She ain't that ugly."

Weekend Poop

A stellar weekend over at the Daily Dandy.

The Prom was a huge success! Gorgeous and safe are the the two adjectives I would use to describe the event. The sun decided to make an appearance and the kids had a ball. Drama -free is how Frick described her night. Thank goodness.

The Sox/Cubs game didn't go as well. My Guy ended up giving away the tix because I was doing all the PROM makeup and didn't finish till late, then we had to do the picture thing and the kids left around 6:30 and it was just crazy. Oh well, maybe I won't have to wait 93 years to see them shellac the Red Sox again at Fenway.

Elvis Costello was how I spent my Friday night, and although I cannot claim to be a big fan, I really enjoyed the show. He's kinda cute, Elvis is, with his little British accent and his collection of Fedoras. He had a go go cage on stage and a wheel of fortune looking spinner with all of his songs. He would take someone from the audience who would spin the spinner and select a song, then he would sing it for them while they danced in the go go cage.

No, I didn't get to go up on stage.

It hardly rained this weekend, which is a miracle, and I got to enjoy my nieces' graduation party yesterday in the great outdoors. I'm so happy she had a great day.

Now it's Monday and it's raining again.

Whatever. I'll take the rain. I just thank God I don't live in Missouri. Blessings to all of the people affected by the tornado.

Peace bloggers and count your blessings.

Who's The Dumb Blonde Here?

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Monday Morning

I can't say that I enjoy Monday's. Nobody really does. It comes after my favorite day of the week, Sunday, and it has a way of creeping up on the sanctity of Sunday.

Reasons for hating Mondays:

• It's Monday. Need I say more?


• All the crap you left on Friday till after the weekend is staring you in the face, taunting you like an uninvited guest.


• Monday is always the day you swear you are going to stop procrastinating. "Ill start on Monday." And you know that once Monday rolls around you're doomed.


• Monday's can be hopeful. Staring down the face of the coming week, it can seem like you have plenty of time to do what needs to be done. Then you wake up and realize that ain't gonna happen.


• Monday is a buzz kill. It come on the heels of a weekend. The best days of the week are on the weekend, but sadly Monday won't stay away. It's inevitable and sometimes it tries to mask it's responsibility with a holiday. Only when Monday makes a long weekend, do we embrace it with open arms.


• You don't hear pop singers making songs about Monday, do you?


• No one EVER wants to be known as a "Monday Morning Quarterback".


• There's nothing good on TV on Monday Nights. Except for Nurse Jackie.

The best thing about Monday, is that it will soon pass and before we know it, it will be gone .

Then we can get on happily with our lives because we will be one day closer to the weekend.