Got Blonde?

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive and well endowed blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed...

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

http://blonde-jokes.101funjokes.com/

We Pardon This Interruption In Your Regular Programming

So I woke up this morning in Florida.

Long story short, I needed to come here least minute to take care of some family stuff, and its all good. Funny thing is, I feel kind of strange, you know, like this is a interruption in my "regularly scheduled programming". Even the air is different. The second I stepped off the plane, I could smell it. It smelled liked warm and balmy and it smelled good.

I'm just beginning to adjust and the weather helps with that process greatly. I can see why people want to come here to retire. If you've never been here, I can tell you that its got a kind of vacation feel, with plenty of palm trees and sunshine. Then there's the restaurants and strip malls. The place is inundated with miles of strip malls and fancy restaurants. And let's face it, lots of old people. Tons of them. This is their place and they are everywhere. They don't call it God's waiting room for nothing.

Florida is also the home of golf courses, lakes, Gators and Mickey Mouse and during the short time that I will be here, I hope I see none of them. I'm sure I will be seeing a lot of the inside of several of the local malls and a lot of the back of my eyelids. Yup, while sitting pool side. I'm going to squeeze in some quiet time by the pool, because soon enough I'll be back in the home of snow and ice.

And even though I have billed this as an inconvenience in my life, I need to understand that this is a small gift and enjoy myself.

Yeah, I think I can do that.

Chicken Soup For Your Face

Great titles for the American woman.

I just sent an email to my customers about my new, organic skin care line called Patyka. In the email, I admitted my obsession with skin care products. I thank God that I am obsessed with skin care, because when you take good care of your skin, it shows. Right now it is winter and this is the time to utilize those "special care" products to protect and hydrate dry and tapped out complexions.

Just about every day, a customer will come into my store and tell me that they have a million little bottles on their shelves, but really don't know what to do with them. I tell them this is the time to USE them. "Just do it", like Nike says, pick up the bottle and put it on your face. If I had to break it down for you I would categorize skin care into three basic steps:

CLEANSE

TONE

MOISTURIZE

Every day, twice a day. It's really that simple. I hear a lot of women tell me that they are too tired at night to cleanse and tone their faces and I say, "If you're gonna shag your ass into the bathroom and brush your teeth before bed, you should be able to wash and moisturize your face properly." It take 5 minutes and it makes a marked improvement in your skin's appearance.

Your night time skin ritual is like chicken soup for your face and when you skin does most of it's work, so pick up those little bottles of serum, the ones you are not sure about, and use them. The serums are the best thing you can do for your skin. Power packed with anti-oxidants and essential minerals and vitamins, serums can improve skin's overall clarity and texture and can be a boost in the anti-aging process. They fall under the category of SPECIAL CARE and they fall into place right after TONE and just before MOISTURIZE.

There are so few sure things in this world, but I guarantee you, it's a sure thing you will see an improvement in your skin's appearance and quality by making the commitment to skin care. You know you got talked into the product by an enthusiastic sales lady (like me) and probably paid a fortune for it, right? I say USE it and feed you soul by feeding your face and taking care of what God gave you.

They don't call it your "money maker" for nothing.

You Do The Math

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol.

The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained.

The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16mph over the limit. At $12 for every mile, plus $40 court costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?"

I replied, "Taking that total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be any-where without teachers, I'd say zero."

He handed me back my license. "Math was never my favorite subject," he admitted. "Please slow down."

http://unsourcedhumor.blogspot.com/2010/05/rushing-math-mistake.html

Business As Usual

I fell asleep on the sofa during the State of The Union last night. I might have even been snoring, a little.


Melissa McCarthy was nominated for an Academy Award for her role in Bridesmaids. I'm so pumped for her because she definitely stole the show. How's about we celebrate? I say Fight Club and we beat the shit out of her!


I read an article in the paper today about Kelly Clarkson and then Kellie Pickler sang a song on Good Morning America while I was on the Elliptical (I liked it too!) then Carrie Underwood's face was on the back of my US Weekly magazine in my kitchen. I swear to you, I even thought about dedicating a whole post to it. Which Idol will be flashed before my eyes today? Talk about a powerful machine.


Been watching the show "Person Of Interest" on CBS. Jim Caviezel..Yummy. Wasn't he Jesus in Mel Gibson's "Passion of Christ"? Lusting after Jesus? If that's wrong I don't wanna be right.

Planning a party for Frick. She's graduating from high school, ya know. That makes me officially old. But I don't want to think about that now. I'll think about that tomorrow.

Jingle Bells

The bells may be ringing, but they don't soothe my broken heart.

My memories of you are red and raw, like my tired eyes today. I chose to let you go, but that choice cut right through me and left me broken. I know you will suffer no more, so I must take comfort in the pieces of our life.

You came to me when I needed you, wanted you and you never wavered. Always at my feet, or anywhere you could hear me, smell me; just to know I was there made you happy. It was your comfort and mine and love was our bond.

You were feisty, like me, and you took no bull from the others. You were a woman among men and you could handle yourself. I loved that about you. You licked and snorted and barked to let us know that you loved us no matter what. You protected us and today, I still feel your presence in the tears of your family. The pack mourns too.

You were here yesterday, but today you are gone and I still can't believe it. It's the strangest feeling. In a house full of people, there is an overwhelming emptiness.

My heart is broken.
Our hearts are all broken.

I hope you are at peace wherever you are and I hope you know that I loved you like my own, because you were my own. My girl. My baby girl, what will I do without you?

The bells are ringing because today you got your wings, but they don't soothe my broken heart.

Indy, Here We Come