Payton Is A Gangsta Manning

To continue yesterday's conversation about criminals in the NFL, my blogger buddy Chris from Maugeritaville commented on my Michael Vick editorial:

"Seriously, if you're going to ban guys from the NFL for being criminals, we'll be left with a two-on-two game . . . Peyton Manning and Greg Jennings against Kurt Warner and Warrick Dunn."

A great point. But I hate to break it to you Chris, as it brought this little gem to mind. (and dammed if I couldn't find a better clip of it. The voice is out of synch, but you get the point)

Yes, the NFL looks to be in great shape with role models like our poster boy Peyton.

Michael Vick Is Free, But Is He Free?

Disgraced and suspended former NFL Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick ended his 23 month federal dogfighting sentence yesterday. Vick's attorney announced to the media that Vick has been released from federal custody as scheduled, and Vick no longer has to wear the electronic monitoring bracelet that he wore during the last two months of the home confinement portion of his 23 month sentence. In other words Michael Vick is a free man. But is he really free?

29 year old Vick was convicted and sentenced to two years for horrific crimes against animals. Some would say he did his time. Others would say there is no redemption for the crimes he committed by torturing and killing dogs in his dogfighting den of hell. Either way Michael Vick will forever be synonymous with the evil crimes he undoubtedly committed. Granted, he did his time and hopefully his penance, and one would argue that he deserves some sort of chance to resume a normal life and live in peace. I would agree. But do we have to allow him into our living rooms on Sunday afternoons and root for him or his team with our families and friends? That is the question.

Vick's legal troubles cost him an estimated $100 million in salary, endorsements and his future earnings. If you're gonna do the crime, you've got to do the time. Pitty the thief who's not sorry he stole, but is so sorry he got caught. It was Michael Vick and Michael Vick alone, who ruined his legacy and quite possibly his life, so does he deserve a second chance in the NFL? I wonder.

Let's put aside his disgrace for a moment and troubleshoot his NFL comeback.

• Chances are Vick is in great shape. Not much else to do in Leavenworth except hone his 29 yr old NFL athletic quarterback body to a chiseled perfection.


• Vick has surely lost his timing, but how difficult is that to get back? Odds are he is hungry for a victorious return to the gridiron.


• Vick has been released from his former team, the Atlanta Falcons, in June of this year. Who would want him? Depending on his QB ability, post incarceration, which team is desperate enough to take on the PR nightmare that would be Michael Vick at hero position.


• What does an NFL with a highly compensated Michael Vick playing weekly say about America? What does an NFL without a Michael Vick, banned for life, say about America?

There are those who say that Vick has done his time. NFL Commish Roger Goodell wants to have a sit down with Michael about his future in the NFL and is quoted in today's Boston Herald as saying, "Michael did an egregious thing. He has paid a significant price."

Indeed, Mr. Commish, as I would not want to be in your shoes when the time comes to make the Michael Vick decision.

I doubt if Michael Vick will ever be free.

Mute Monday

Bob really should have listened to Leona when she told him to keep Fluffy out of the hen house.

Scenes From A Batty Life

INT. Master Bedroom- Last night-10 pm

CANDY has just finished her nightly ritual of washing her face and brushing her teeth before retiring to bed. CANDY turns out bathroom light and enters Master Bedroom where MY GUY is awake, but drifting off to sleep in the DIMLY LIT room. DOG 3 is laying on the end of the bed. CANDY hears a slight PINGING noise in the hallway, and quickly does a mental inventory in her head. Everyone in the house has retired to their rooms for the evening and all dogs are ensconsed safely in their beds. Quizzically, CANDY focuses a look to the direction of the hallway when a small black arial creature DESCENDS upon her.

CANDY: (SCREAMS) Ahhhhh! Honey, there's a bird in the hous...oh my God, it's a bat!!!

(CANDY immediately DROPS to the floor)

MY GUY:(JUMPING out of bed and DROPPING to the floor) Holy Shit!! It is a bat!

The bat FLYS frantically around the bedroom, DIVING to ground sporadically, causing CANDY and MY GUY to DUCK thier heads repeatedly. DOG 3, neither MOVES or REACTS to event taking place before him.

CANDY: (LAUGHING hysterically while DUCKING) Honey, get it out of here!!!

MY GUY: I'm trying!!!

MY GUY brilliantly crawls over to two small french doors, that open to a small sitting perch outside the bedroom and carefully OPENS both doors creating a large area of escape for the batty intruder.

CANDY: (still LAUGHING hysterically) Is it gone???

MY GUY: (CRAWLING over to the bedroom door to shut it) Not yet...

Five minutes of the bat frantically FLYING over head and DIVING ensues. The bat finally finds the open escape route and FLYS out. MY GUY quickly SLAMS both french doors shut.

MY GUY: (now STANDING on his feet) What the F was that??? How did that get in here??

CANDY:(returning to her feet) Honey, you are my hero!!!

CANDY and MY GUY gaze at each other in relief as DOG 3 ROLLS over to continue his evening slumber, unfazed.

FADE TO BLACK

The Dastardly Shart

A note from the editor: I apologize ahead for today's content as it may offend some readers. My bad. As Forrest Gump somewhat said, "Candys Daily Dandy is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

My cousin told me a funny story the other day about her son and Disney World. Seems the famliy was enjoying a wonderful afternoon at the Most Magical Place On Earth. They had gone into one of the hotels for a character dinner and after the meal they stopped at the hotel game room for a rousting game of air hockey.

Evidently the food did not agree with her son because things were going great until...it happened...that dastardly little party crasher....THE SHART reared it's ugly head. My cousin said it was evident immediately, as her son's face contorted into a look of, at first surprise, then complete horror. He ran to his mother to inform her that he was indeed in a precarious position. Here they were in Disney, of all places, miles away from the sanctity of their hotel room, with a slight, shall we say.......issue.

What to do? What to do?

Seems dad took him into the men's room and they handled the problem like real men. They stripped the boy of his undergarments, cleaned up with the aid of some moistened hand towels and disposed of said undergarments in the trash receptacle located in the bathroom. Problem solved! Good for them that they did not let that little shart bastard ruin what was a fun family vacation.

I think the shart should be outlawed in all 50 states.

Mini Me

A while back, on some,"10 random facts about me" meme, I posted the fact that I love miniatures. I still have my childhood doll house, pimped out with awesome, life like mini-furniture and home accessories, rugs, lighting, etc, that would rival any museum-quality reproduction. In certain places in my home today you will find a few miniatures, here and there, tastefully placed as to enhance the decor of the room. My mom used to joke when I was a kid that I would one day marry a midget to encapsulate my love of mini things, (I married a mental midget, but that's a story for a different day) and both of my kids got the "mini" gene.

Having said all that, I consider myself a discriminating mini collector, as a coveted mini, for me, must have that certain aura of duplicity to send me into a frenzy.

By now I am sure that you have all seen the SmartCar.

Adorable, economical and all over Europe. I thought they were cute, but they did not leave me running for the car dealership wanting to make a deal.

Today that has all changed. I got an email that sent my mini-instincts into overdrive, literally! I'm not quite sure these are real or not, but I am more than sure that I want them all!!!

I present to you my mini fantasy.

heehee, The Smorvette! For those "just you and the open road" days.

The Smaudi A3, for the one child pick-ups after the soccer game!

The Smorche!! This one is quite possibly my favorite, as I am a Porsche owner. (My Guy technically is the owner, but I drive it more than he does)

The Smerrari! AHHHHHH! This one is so stinkin' cute I can hardly stand it!

The Smamborghini!! By BFF's hubby has the exact big version. G-Dog, this could be for you and Big's weekend driving!!

How could I choose between them? I want them all!

I think I'm in love.....

The Loss Of My Good Friend $Bill

I went to the beach yesterday. We had a great time. I took my daughter, (my son is away at camp) and we met my cousin and her children at Nantasket Beach in Hull, MA. It was an awesome beach day. The sun was shining, the temps were in the 80's and all was well. My cousin expertly packed a cooler full of good stuff; sandwich meats, bread, fresh fruit, Doritos, Fritos, soda, water, juice bags and other assorted snacks. We had lunch and spent the afternoon fighting the rising tide. You would think that we had everything we needed for a perfect day right at our finger tips. Almost everything.

Across the street from the beach parking lot there is a board walk with lots of ice cream stands, gift shops and clam shacks. So what's a trip to Nantasket beach without an ice cream cone to complete the day? And I always say,"When in Rome...". We decided the time for ice cream had come, so I wrapped a towel around my waist, put on my flip-flops and went up to the car to grab some money. I took a $20 dollar bill from my wallet, and since I was wearing a bathing suit, flip flops and towel, I folded the $20 and put it into the bra of my bathing suit for safe keeping.

Yes I did. This is something I have done a thousand times before.

I stooped at the bath house to go to the bathroom, washed my hands and as I was staring into the mirror, I noticed the money just barely peeking out of the top of my bathing suit, securely. I came out, met the group and off we went to get the summer treat. We walked a mere 1/4 of a mile to the ice cream stand and when I got there I reached down for the $20 dollar bill and it was GONE!!!!!!
I know it wasn't lost in the top of my bathing suit because there was no hiding anywhere in that suit, so I un-wrapped my towel to see if it had somehow fallen in between, but there was no such luck. It was then that I realized that it must have fallen out somewhere between the bath house and the ice cream shack and that with all the people walking around I could be more than sure that someone had picked it up in the few minutes since I made the walk over.

Now I know what you're thinking, no big deal, right? Yeah, there were a few moments of the "no big deal" thinking going through my head, but those were quickly replaced with feelings of complete loss. I was pissed. I was more pissed at myself for being so irresponsible. What a dumb-ass!! Granted, I had more money in the car, and that on the walk back to the car the lost money was no where to be found, but I couldn't help feel bad about it. What would I tell my daughter? What kind of example am I as a mother??? Most of all I missed my friend, Mr. $20 dollar bill.

We got the ice cream, but somehow it wasn't as good as should have been and I couldn't get my mind off my good friend $Bill. I though about $Bill while I swam with the kids in the big waves and rode the surf, laughing. I thought about $Bill as we watched an awesome Tall Ship (they were in Boston over the weekend) sail by on the horizon. I thought about $Bill as we sunbathed and my cousin and I told funny stories to our kids about our childhood. I thought about $Bill as I watched an old man in dirty, tattered clothing retrieving bottles and cans from the trash bin and I suddenly realized that $Bill was probably in a better place.

I decided that I didn't need to beat myself up over my irresponsibility any longer. Maybe $Bill became someone else's good friend. It's possible $Bill helped someone through a tough time or provided them with an essential they needed. Maybe $Bill fed a hungry child or made someone happy. I can live with that. I wont think about the other possibilities. I'll just think about my good friend $Bill doing Gods work, helping someone in need. It's the best way to deal with the loss of such a good friend.