What Is NORMAL?

That's right. The Insultatron says God has a crush on me. Hold the applause, please. I am more the modest type.

I know what you're thinking though and it's OK really, cuz I was thinking it too. Can you blame him?

The Insultatron is the ever knowing, ever insulting brain-child of my friend Poobomber/or God, as he is now known, over at The Other Side of Normal. Poo is a Seth Rogen-looking genius who never ceases to create a stir in the bloggersphere with his web pedigree. I think he got it right this time, because he may just be God.

Case in point. I got this beauty at his place a few weeks back, and I held on to it so that I could properly introduce you all to Poo. His stuff is da bomb, and his humor is completely uproarious. Back in the day-(last year)-Poo was self-employed and worked from home so he would regale us with two to three posts a day. Then, in the winter he became Dan Dan the Corporate Man and he could post only once a day, but never lost a step. Some of his greatest moments were in parodies of our very own former Commander in Chief-W.

I decided today was the day for Poo over at the Daily Dandy, so I went over there to drop him a line and let him know I still love him (I really do) and I was going to post big love right here today. In PERFECT Poo fashion, PT Barnum got his favorite sucker, yet again. To understand what I'm talking about you need to go HERE. Yes, once again, Poo's geinus cloaked me in gullibility.

Now-since I had already visited Zibsy's site before Poo's-And I was FIRST- you will notice that I had already read Zibsy's post and commented before I linked to the post over at The Other Side Of Normal. Oh the shame of being gullible and manipulated by a master. The funny thing is it took me a good 10 minutes to figure it out!!!

HELLO?

Run along little girl, your mommy is calling you. It's time for just the big kids to play.

Poo/God/Peebs/Dan, I love you.

And really, it's OK if you have a crush on me because I have one on you too.

This Chick Rox!

Meet 33 year-old Justine Siegal, and as far as anyone can tell, she is the first female coach in men's professional baseball. How cool is that???
Justine is the first base coach for the Brockton Rox, an independent minor league baseball team based in Brockton, MA. Siegal, who joined the team last month, was a former pitcher and third baseman who is also married and the mother of an 11 year-old daughter. According to Brockton Rox bench coach, 50 year baseball veteran Ed Nottle, Sunday's Boston Herald reported him as saying, "People have to be given opportunities," he said. "No matter how this turns out, I think this is going to mean a lot to all the young girls out there. For that reason alone I am behind her."

It would also seem that not everyone thinks this is so cool. Some followers of The Rox have been pondering whether Siegal is a real baseball coach or if this is just a publicity stunt. Siegal was hired by Mike Veeck, part owner in the Rox team, who also owns minor shares in six other independent minor league teams. Veeck is the son of the late Bill Veeck, who at one time was the owner of the old St. Louis Browns. Bill Veeck was the architect of one of the most memorable publicity stunts in sports to date. In 1951, while running the St Louis Browns he signed a midget named Eddie Gaedel who went to bat against Detroit Tigers pitcher Bob Cain, drew a walk and then disappeared, never to be seen again.

The Boston Sunday Herald quoted Mike Veek, "She's an experiment," he admitted. "But some- body's gotta be first. That's all there is to it. It's an idea whose time has come." Siegal herself takes the skeptics criticism in stride.
"I certainly understand that it's unusual," she said. "But I consider it an honor to be a pioneer and a role model to both girls and boys."
Siegal played high school ball and summer league ball, but did not play college ball. She had one tryout with a now defunct professional women's baseball team called the Colorado Silver Bullets and told the Herald's Steve Buckley that she "blew out her arm during the tryout". Since then she has provided instruction for both male and female players and coached on an international level. While working on her Ph. D in sports psychology at Springfield College, she also worked as the assistant coach for the baseball team.

She met Veeck while speaking at a conference last summer and told him,"I want to work for you." Veek told her to send him her resume, which she did and he responded immediately. She told Veeck, "I know enough about baseball to coach and I needed a break."
As for the other coaches, they see Justine as they would any other rookie coach; one who needs to work hard and learn the job. Rox Manager Chris Carmucci reoprts to being skeptical about Siegal's contribution to the team, "The biggest thing for me was: would she be able to help us? And she has helped us." he said.

Publicity stunt or not, the move makes Brockton Rox baseball headlines and gives a deserving woman the chance to prove her worth in a male dominated arena. A bold move that may reverberate through the sport of baseball for years to come, but for now I will watch Justine as she takes her first steps into history. Mr. Veeck, thank you. I concur, it is a great idea whose time has come.

This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

The story I'm about to tell borders on TMI, but sometimes the most amazing things happen when you don't expect it, and a beautiful rose can grow from under a pile of dog shit. It was one of those nights last night.

Thing is, it was My Guy, not me doing the "teaching". Now for the record, no one got spanked. In this day and age it's simply not an option and I, nor anyone else, has never hit my children in anger or otherwise, but for some reason Frack decided that he was going to test My Guy's limits. This was about DISRESPECT.

The back story is that Frack was disappointed, once again, by his (no good, lying) father and he decided to take it out on us. Long story short- said piece of shit, I mean, father, tells Frack that he cannot pick him up today, Friday-his weekend, because he has a "job interview" and that he had dinner plans with his wife Friday night, knowing full well that this is his weekend, so he would pick him up on Saturday. Frack was disappointed, once again. We have dealt with this before, and more recently, since Frack's dad got married. Since then his commitment to Frack has withered to almost nothing, he goes to almost NONE of his games, and refuses to take Frack to any of his sporting activities when he has him on the weekends, we have been quietly trying to help Frack deal with the disappointment. He is having none of it and continues to be embarrassed and defends his father. It. breaks. my. heart.

I must tell you that My Guy never speaks ill of Frack's dad in front of him (I, on the other hand, will let my frustration show occasionally). My Guy grew up without a father and is extremely sensitive to the issue. So much so, that I can safely say that through the disappointments, Frack and My Guy have become very close. My Guy is not his father, this is a fact he is also extremely sensitive to, but he and I have been the ones who try to pick up the pieces. My Guy has stepped in and taken Frack to all his games, does homework with him, plays catch ouside with him, takes him golfing regularly and is committed to providing for him all of the things needed to enrich his life for the past four years, by choice and out of love.

Last night, Frack decided he was pissed. With complete disrespect, he barked his responses to casual conversation with My Guy on the ride home from Lacrosse. My Guy said nothing, understanding Frack's predicament. He barked at me when I told him to take a shower and finish his homework, again we said nothing. The camel's back breaking straw came when My Guy and I and Frack were talking about our plans for this evening. We told him that since we already had plans to go to a Red Sox game, assuming he would be at his dad's, My Guy had arranged for my dad to take him to the Sox game also, my dad and Frack would be in different seats, but we would all go together.

Frack's response, "I'm not going. I don't want to. Can't I stay home alone?"
My Guy, "No, you can't stay home alone. Since when do you not want to go to a Sox game?"
Frack, "I just don't want to go."
My Guy, "Frack, it's already been arranged. Everybody re-arranged their plans so that you could come with us. What's bothering you?"

Then, I had to go and ruin what was a somewhat productive conversation.
Yup, I got pissed and threw my mother anger out there about how ungrateful he is, and that he never wants to do anything unless he chooses it.
Frack cracked, ran upstairs and slammed the door so hard the entire house shook. My Guy followed him, with me behind him saying, "let him stew in his own anger". When My Guy slammed the door even harder than Frack did, I was up at the top of the stairs in a Milli-second ready to pounce like a mother lion.

But I didn't.

I could hear My Guy saying to my son in a stern, loud voice, "We do everything for you whenever you need it, without question. We take you everywhere, give you what you need and put your needs first and I will not have you disrespect either of us like that ever again. Do you understand?" to which Frack replied, "Yes."
Then he was out of the room in an instant, before I had the chance to pounce, the entire exchange a total of 20 seconds. It took a good 15 minutes of everyone in neutral territory, to sort of soak this in, as My Guy had never put his foot down like that before and I was feeling guilty that I had probably been the catalyst of my son's crack.

My Guy and I left Frack alone and we talked for the next hour about everything. He was right. while it's easy to blame piece of shit father for everything, Frack knows that he has us. He knows we are here, always, unquestionably and we cannot allow him to be ungrateful for all the good things he has in his life. We both agreed that the entire exchange probably hurt us so much more than him and in the long run, he will be a better person for it. Someone had to draw the boundary line.

What happened next was amazing.

Frack woke up, bright eyed, happy, and chatting with My Guy at breakfast about tonite's game. If I had any question in my heart about the ramifications of last night's exchange, they were gone. I think we all learned a valuable lesson about love, commitment and respect.

Today's Special: Look and Find

Let's play a little game today bloggers!!

It's every one's favorite: Look and Find!!

The rule are very simple, just look at the photo below and find the seven hidden items.

Since today's game is rated ED, for Extremely Difficult, I suggest you put on your game face and your thinking caps !!


OK peeps, let's get started!


Are you ready?? Just checking.

Oh yeah, and before I forget, winner gets total bragging rights and I know you want that, don't you???

OK, here we go: GOOD LUCK!!!


Find these seven HIDDEN items in the photo:

1. Marlboro Light Cigarette Butt

2. Marlboro Light Cigarette Butt

3. Marlboro Light Cigarette Butt

4. Marlboro Light Cigarette Butt

5. Marlboro Light Cigarette Butt

6. Marlboro Light Cigarette Butt

7.Marlboro Light Cigarette Butt


(notice the area around keys on the key board where only certain keys have been used and the area around the mouse. This computer had obviously been used recently)

I Love My Wife

Every good woman deserves a good wife and I can unequivocally say that I love my wife. My wife is my cleaning girl, and I refer to her as my wife in the most loving and respectful way possible. She is truly my capable counterpart in this household.

Recently I have begun a new project that hopefully set me on the path of a new career, and it is taking up all of my time. By this time next week I hope to be able to reveal to you my new venture, but for now let's just say I've been busy. Extremely busy. My wife has been filling in for mom quite expertly, as she does it all. She does laundry, makes beds, vacuums, drives the kids if I can't, (which is rare) and takes care of the mutt-ly crew. I do all of the cooking for the family, but yesterday I had an all out, balls to the wall kind of day. I gave my wife a brief tutorial on what I had planned for dinner and what she needed to do, which of course was way too hopeful with what's on my plate right now, and she handled it. Dinner was not only FAB but was on the table, on time.

The thing is, my wife gives me the peace of mind to be able to tackle this new project without guilt. I couldn't focus if I knew that things weren't getting done around the house and the laundry was piling up. THAT would make me crazy and be a sure-fire formula for failure. I have also acquired a new skill that I was never adept in handling before-delegation, and one I will need to master in my future work. It's beginning to work for me, as my wife is a stellar student. She has worked for me for three years, and in those years, I have worked both outside the home and inside the home. I trust her completely and we have a mutual respect for each other and a sixth sense about sensitivity to each other's needs. She was always here for the basics, cleaning and laundry, but in the last few months she has taken on some new tasks and I think she is happier, and busier than she has ever been before.

The same goes for me. I have a calming peace of mind knowing that household chores are something I really don't need to worry about at this time and I can let my creativity blossom with a focus and a direction, because my wife's got it covered.

As I said before, every good woman needs a good wife and I love my wife.

The Great Debate Of John And Kate

I am sure I don't need to tell you who these two people are. Unless you have been living under a rock in the past few months, you've seen and heard about John and Kate Gosselin. They have been America's new tabloid darlings, splashed over every magazine and newspaper in the country.
The question is WHY? Herein lies the debate.

John and Kate welcomed sextuplets over 5 years ago and added to their two child family, making them a family of eight. "John and Kate Plus 8" was born and our voyeuristic TV viewing habits were satiated by viewing the daily lives of this family with eight children. As with every great story, there is a protagonist. Kate, is certainly the main character here. Her husband John and the kids; the bit players in this drama/reality TV show.

The transformation of Kate happened right before our eyes, proof that money and power changes people, and not always for the better. There is the money; which is reported that the Gosselin's receive close to $50K to $75K per episode. At 89 episodes to date, estimates say that's somewhere in the ballpark of 6 million. Nice ballpark. Then there's the freebies; plastic surgery,(tummy tuck for her), hair plugs, products, cars, homes and numerous staff. Put that all together and the world has created it's very own monster, a la Dr. Frankenstein.

I must admit that until last night, I had never watched one episode of their reality TV show. I have however, read plenty about the drama that surrounds John and Kate. WHY? Because I cannot escape it. It's in my morning newspaper, in my mail box every Friday and on my email at least twice a week. I'm talking about US Weekly Magazine. I recently started getting a subscription and in the two months I have received the magazine, (that's 8 issues) Kate has been on the cover of every. single. one. I get e-mail updates from US Weekly and they have all lead with a new titillating detail about Kate and John.

WHY? Is this a story about a hair cut that launched 70 million viewers? Or is this a classic example of "The Britney Factor", as we are watching a train wreck of a marriage implode right before our eyes. Tabloid reports speculate on John's extra-marital exploits with a young teacher and whether or not Kate's banging her handsome body guard. The public can't get enough. She has been accused of being a cold-hearted, bully who is hardly a mother, but extols her skills as a mother daily and John is painted as the lazy, hanger-on who is better with the kids, but visibly unhappy and unmotivated. Then there's the kids. Eight beautiful little souls who will bear the brunt of all this ridiculousness for the rest of their lives, all in the name of the all mighty dollar.

Sometimes I'm not sure if it's OK to invite the press into your life and then complain about the intrusion. One could argue that although the Gosselins have created an opportunity to support and raise their brood of eight fiscally responsibly, as young, attractive adults they have acted irresponsibly and created this tabloid fervor. Others may argue that Kate is a money hungry, evil monster who cares more about keeping her next tanning appointment than worrying about exploiting her kids for profit.

It's a tough debate as long as we keep watching and buying her books. I am sure that pictures of Kate or John with a member of the opposite sex are worth a small fortune on the paparazzi open market. One thing is for sure, this drama has certainly reached a fever pitch and if someone doesn't step in soon, we may be following a blueprint for a tabloid tragedy.

Too bad Jamie Spears is unavailiable.

Quarantined

The Daily Dandy is quarantined.

My baby girl has the flu. Yup, she tested positive for the Influenza A flu yesterday. Funny thing is, she is absolutely fine.

She came home from a sleepover on Sat morning feeling sick. She had a temp of 102.7 and I went into panic overdrive. Her eyes were all red and glassy and she was not feeling good at all. I kept a vigil by her bedside, taking her temp every hour. As the morning progressed, the fever broke and stayed at around 100.3. I wasn't taking any chances. Last week, every elementary school in our town was closed for the entire week because of the percentage of kids out sick with flu-like symptoms. Every school except the high school; her school. Her brother tortured her regularly, as he had a week off and was living it up with his buddies daily. She took exception to his ribbing and quietly hoped for the high school to close.

Be careful what you wish for.

I kept in contact with her doctor by phone and she prescribed Tamiflu for her, which she started taking immediately. By Sunday morning she was fever free and feeling better. The doctor still wanted me to take her in, so that she could be tested for flu. I was almost positive it wasn't flu because she was already feeling better. Much to my surprise, it was the flu. Influenza A.
But was it SWINE???? The doctor told me that the state of MA is no longer testing for swine because of an overwhelming number of cases, and that the strain is a lot less vital than they originally thought. The treatment is the same for both Influenza and swine. The doctor said that chances are it probably is H1N1, because by this time, spring, flu is not usually prevalent.

Great.

She also told me that it is state mandated that the child must stay out of school for 7 full days from the start of the fever and that I must inform the school immediately of my daughter's diagnosis. AND...that all three of us in the home, me, My Guy and my son must begin a preventative course of Tamiflu for the next ten days.

Double Great.

Today my baby is better than good and BORED out of her mind. She has been symptom free for more than 24 hours and I can happily report that she is already driving me nuts. I feel like Carol Brady in that episode when the Brady kids all get sick at the same time and they keep ringing that little bell for food and medicine, but at our house she has no bell. What she has is far worse; a cell phone, and is not shy about using it for one trivial thing or another. And I am thanking God.
I will answer the calls for Gatorade, soup and whatever else she wants as long as she continues to be OK.

We will do our quarantine and be grateful for a mild case of Influenza A.

Whatever it is, I'm not questioning it.