Jive Turkey

Just quietly sitting here going crazy. 

But one can literally drive themselves crazy, can't they? I mean focusing only on what's wrong is easy, and detrimental to any chance of positivity. I swear, this dark and dreary winter has done just about all it can to depress even the happiest of people. But I'm done with it. I'm done complaining about it and I'm done feeling helpless. There's power in change! Turning over a new leaf means accepting whatever life hands you and that despite it all you know that you will be ok. I will be ok. The snow will melt-the dirt and salt will get cleaned up, the sun will come out and the world will look new again. Renewal is inspiring. I will look for action in that inspiration. 

Elanor Roosevelt once said that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I say, "Can't let the turkeys keep you down!" Down is not where I belong. 

I found my funk and funny, it is precisely that same funk that pulled me out of one. 

When Did The Flip Phones Flip Flop?

So lately I've been binge watching "Breaking Bad" on Netflix. It's quite possibly my favorite TV series of all time, but I've noticed a curious fact while watching.

Everyone on the show has a flip phone...

So I thought about this for a second and I realized that not only do they have flip phones on this show but NO ONE texts each other. In fact, I am currently on the very last season of the 5 season blockbuster and so far there has been only one text message read in context to the plot and it was on Season 5 circa 2013. I then looked back at the air dates of each of the seasons and I started to understand the flip phone thing a bit better. The Pilot episode first aired in January 2008 and the series then progresses over the next 5 years to it's final episode that aired on Sept 29th 2013. The iPhone didn't launch till 2007 and it revolutionized the mobile device industry over the next few years.                    

So then I got to thinking...where are the "smart phones"on the show? Where are the iPhones and why aren't the cast constantly checking their emails and Facebook updates on their phones during the episodes? Why are they not texting each other incessantly like we all do now? I had to think about it. Not even in the later episodes dating 2011 and later, does the phone become a central part of the plot?

When did the "smart phone" revolution start? There's no question that we are now a mobile device driven society. Do you check your email on you cell phone? Do you use a social media site on your cell phone? If you answered yes to both of those questions then you are a living, breathing adult that functions in the world today. Even my dad, just this morning, texted me something important. So much a part of our everyday society today that 48% of all online sales come from a mobile device.

So I gotta ask again? When exactly did the smart phone revolution take over?

The Curious Case Of The Missing Takeout.

While away on a small respite with my family, we indulged in one of our favorite traditions back home-Sunday Chineese dinner. The food was great, the company better and we enjoyed our family ritual in a different state and atmosphere. After dinner was done, we asked for the left over food to packed up and then headed to our home away from home where we safely ensconced said leftovers in the fridge.

Important to note-there were 5 boxes of Chineese takeout. 4 large boxes and one small box.

Day 2 of our fabulous vacation, and the family decided to grill dinner on the fantastic grill out back. That morning, we went to the supermarket and got all of the needed items for the feast. The menu was planned-including some of the stir fry veggies from the Chineese take out. I confirmed the veggies were still a viable entity, by opening the box and tasting a cold piece. Frick, who is here with some friends, informed me that she would be eating some of the leftovers for lunch. I know that the veggies are safe around a bunch of young girls so I then went on about the rest of the day.

It's now later that afternoon and I come back to the house to begin preparations for our cook out. I had to start the water for corn, marinate some of the meat etc, when I noticed that there was only 

1 takeout box left in the fridge- and it wasn't the stir fry veggies. No biggie, I thought, the girls must have eaten the veggies with lunch and I thought I probably should have told them of my intended use for the veggies for dinner. When the girls come back, I jokingly say to them, "hey, you must have been hungry because you ate the veggies too, huh?" Frick is surprised. "No mom, we only ate what was in 2 of the boxes." Really? I asked where the other 2 boxes had gone. They had no idea. 

I then asked My Guy. He had no knowledge of the whereabouts of the 2 missing boxes. Ok, I thought now this is curious. I'm so curious that I decide to satisfy my curiosity by checking the trash can. Interestingly enough, the trash had just been taken out. I inquired with everyone in the house as to who had taken out the trash? My Guy said he had taken out the trash, but did not throw away the missing 2 boxes. Now I'm more than intrigued. WTF had happened to the 2 missing boxes? If Frick and her friends had not thrown them away, and My Guy had not thrown them away, and I know for sure that I had not thrown them away, then where were the 2 missing boxes? 

I tried to dismiss the whole incident as unimportant, but the nagging mystery poked at my psyche. Who was lying and why? And was there a stranger who came into the house and took the 2 boxes of leftover takeout? The empty trash can held the answer and my curiousity was just about killing me, so I went out to the garage and I opened the trash can. The nearly empty can held the white kitchen garbage bag clearly visible, so I reached in and retrieved the bag. Yes, I opened it because at this point I needed to know if the 2 missing boxes were in there. Just as Frick and My Guy had said, the 1 large box and 1 small box the girls had eaten for lunch were inside the bag but not the 2 missing boxes. 

I can't say I wasn't disappointed. Now Im really perplexed with this strange situation and I tie up the white garbage bag and throw it back into the trash can. It was then that I spot 1 of the 2 missing boxes thrown at the bottom of the can! Right next to it is the other missing box, but curiously they are without a trash bag, just thrown randomly into the can???!! And none of the food had been touched, as they were both still full of food and veggies.

What the? And here's the kicker- no one is admitting to anything. It has now become a running joke between us, with everyone accusing one or the other of lying about the missing boxes of takeout.

What do you think happened here bloggers? I'm just about ready to think there is a ghost on vacation with us. 

Friday Funny

A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

RE: INSTALLING HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewelry Applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another valuable program, Romance 9.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SPORTS 4.1

What can I do?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to download
Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the applications Jewelry 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are unsupported applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Cute Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.

Happy Friday bloggers! And try to remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. 

Today's Special: 2 For 1 A "Real Bargain"

So there has been a lot of funny talk about marriage at The Daily Dandy lately. I called to memory-and even pulled up and recited-a post that made me chuckle. I thought it really put things into perspective then and I still do now, as I have repeated this story more than once in the past week.I hope it brings you a laugh and some perspective too.


This is a RE-POST which first appeared here on July 29th, 2010. Titled "Divine Intervention"

So I was at my store the other day and one of my favorite customers and I were having a chat. We were talking about marriage and spouses and such, seeing as I'm heading down that path again in just 5 short weeks. We talked about longevity and commitment and how marriage is work. I was telling her that my mom has been complaining that she is really frustrated with my dad lately, for one reason or another. My customer then relayed this story to me, which I found to be quite amusing, indeed. I then, immediately relayed the story to my mom. True or not, this is one I will remember.

She told me that she had seen an interview with the Rev Billy Graham and that she always calls it to mind when she is feeling less than amorous with her spouse. She said it gives her peace.
The story goes like this:

The Reverend was asked by the interviewer if the Lord had ever spoken to him directly. The Reverend response was, "Only once." He went on to say that he had been arguing with his wife one day and while shaving his face alone in the bathroom, still stewing over the specifics of their argument, the Lord spoke to him and said, "You're no bargain, either."

I couldn't help but think it was genius.

Whether or not the higher power actually intervened and spoke those words of truth to the Reverend is completely irrelevant to the point, which is, so true.

"You're no bargain, either"

Damn, ain't that the truth.
This is not an endorsement of the Reverends teachings, or a religious or political agenda advancement. It's just a simple take on that age-old commitment of marriage.

It sure puts things into perspective doesn't it?

Monday Minutia

• Saw a post on FB that cracked me right up. It said, "If Mondays were shoes, they'd be Crocs"

• And on that note, the funniest thing I ever saw on Twitter was a tweet from a dude who said, "Whoever just left me a voice mail, could you send me a text and let me know if I should listen to it?" 

• So all the weather people here are foaming at the mouth over the fact that we need 2" more of snow to break the record for the snowiest winter ever. I'm thinking, really? Tell that to the thousands of us here dealing with ice dam damage and seasonal depression..

• I'm almost finished with the 3rd season of "Breaking Bad". Why did I never watch this show when everyone was telling me I had to? I'm now obsessed! This is the greatest thing on television! I love the whole dynamic between Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston. And Aaron Paul's, " Yo, where's my money?...Bitch!" Interesting to note: "Breaking Bad" is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the Highest Rated TV Series.

• The Boston Herald reported that My Tommy is thinking that after he retires from football, he may go the Hollywood way, via an acting career. I say whatever My Tommy is selling...I'm buying.

Sheer perfection...I'd pay to watch him recite the alphabet.

#WhatIsBeauty

I talk about beauty all day, every day. My job is to interpret, educate and inspire in people a simple beauty style. I am constantly inspired by other women; by what they say, by how they act,  who they are and by how they interpret themselves. I often wonder, do they see the beauty that I see?  And what does that mean to them? So I decided to make it my job to try and find out.

What is beauty? To you? What's your definition? 

Send me: in the comments section, via email or social media, a 15-25 second video (or written statement. Videos are preferred) with your answer. Your answers will be compiled and used to promote a #WhatIsBeauty message on all of The Candy Bar sites. 

I encourage you to send me your video! We are all beautiful and together we can inspire other women to define beauty on our own terms!

Click on the link below to send your video to any of these sites! 

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The Candy Bar- click on Contact Us and send your video via email.

Join the movement #WhatIsBeauty

"Maybe it’s NOT Maybelline. Maybe you were just born with it."

- Mandy Hale

Papa Bear

There's something profouldly primal about a man who defends his daughter's honor. It's also quite admirable.

Former Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling took to social media yesterday to rant/campaign against some cyber bullies who, in my opinion, really deserved it. It all started when Schilling posted on his twitter page a heartfelt congrats to his daughter, who had just been accepted to college where she will pitch for their softball team.

 Innocent enough, right? In fact, I personally know about a million dads who proudly post to social media their children's accomplishments. What happened next set off an incredible series of events.

A group of idiots-for lack of a better term-decided it would be smart to post incredibly vile and threatening sexual things about Curt's daughter. Did I stress enough that the responses were incredibly vile, threatening and offensive? They made extremely poor judgements-like referencing Curt's "bloody sock" legacy and then referred to his daughters menstrual cycle and worse. 

Schilling explained that he expected some college boy responses to be like-"can't wait to party with her" and even "can't wait to date her." In his own words this is what happened:  

"In between a fight with Kevin Millar, congratulating Juan Pierre on a wonderful career (just hated facing him) and praying Josh Hamilton gets right, I started to see this sort of tweet.

And tweets with the word rape, bloody underwear and pretty much every other vulgar and defiling word you could likely fathom began to follow.

Now let me emphasize again. I was a jock my whole life. I played sports my whole life. Baseball since I was 5 until I retired at 41. I know clubhouses. I lived in a dorm. I get it. Guys will be guys. Guys will say dumb crap, often. But I can’t ever remember, drunk, in a clubhouse, with best friends, with anyone, ever speaking like this to someone…"

The gang mentality with these complete idiots continued throughout the day and Schilling took it upon himself to terminate the behavior. He posted his thoughts to his blog 38pitches and "outed" the two biggest offenders. 

“The Sports Guru”? Ya he’s a DJ named Adam Nagel (DJ is a bit strong since he’s on the air for 1 hour a week) on Brookdale Student Radio at Brookdale Community College. How do you think that place feels about this stud representing their school? You don’t think this isn’t going to be a nice compilation that will show up every single time this idiot is googled the rest of his life? What happens when a potential woman he’s after googles and reads this?

The other clown? He’s VP of the Theta Xi fraternity at Montclair State University. I gotta believe if Theta Xi is cool with a VP of one of their chapters acting like this I’d prefer to have no one I know in it.”

The repercussions have been sharp and swift. 

One idiot was a New York Yankees employee who has since been fired, and the other a college DJ who was immediately suspended from the college pending a disciplinary hearing. Both organizations affiliated with the perpetrators immediately distancing themselves from them citing a "zero tolerance policy". 

I have to ask, what the hell were they thinking? 

I'm not sure where these two came from but I can't understand how they thought their behavior was OK in any forum let alone a public one. Schilling himself warned in his post that "the real world will hold you accountable for your actions" and I for one am so VERY glad that Schilling did just that. 

Can't Keep A Good Man Down

Ever since my beloved Amos went to heaven last November, I have noticed a change in Buddy. I expected him to be affected, but the diffence in Buddy was one that I had not anticipated. I worried that Buddy would be depressed like he had when his beloved sister Jingles died. I worried that he would be lonely being the only dog in the household and even entertained bringing a puppy into the family. Interestingly enough, none of those worries were even close to what has happened with Buddy. 

Buddy's life was one of a pack. He spent his early days with his sister Jingle then two years later, Amos, aka. Boss Man was added to the pack. Their days comprised of loving each other and bonding, but It was clear early on that Amos was the Captian and that he ran a tight ship. Buddy had Jingles, who he loved her like a sister, and it was almost as if the two of them aligned to commiserate about Boss Man and his regime. Then Jingles was called to heaven way too early and Buddy was devastated. He layed around lethargicly and uncharacteristicly left food in his supper dish. Boss Man showed no evidence of emotion but stayed close to Buddy, and then there were 2...

It was life as usual for the boys and they had what seemed like a happy existence. There was definitely  a balance between them. When the altercations became physical, which they did occasionally, Buddy was always the victor due to his obvious size advantage. Still Boss Man never let him forget he was boss. There were rare occasions that they slept in the same doggie bed, which almost always prompted a photo to document as proof. They loved each other, it was obvious, just in their own way. Amos was advanced in age-we never knew exactly because My Guy rescued him-we estimated his age to be around 17 years old. We knew his day would eventually come. Come it did, and we worried how Buddy would react. 

The first few days without Amos, he seemed fine, still we waited. Nothing. There was no evidence of depression and dare I say it, Buddy had a new bounce in his step! Yes, Buddy is now The Man and he is loving it! Evidenced during treat giving, Buddy no longer has to quickly scarf it down so that Amos won't come over, snap, growl and confiscate it for his own. Nights are easier because Buddy can now sit on the end of the sofa comfortably without vicious growling and sharp teeth showing. Meal time has now become a joy without the threat of violence. Buddy has come into his own and now that the kids are gone, the empty nest is all about him and he is loving it. 

They say souls come into our world for a reason, and Buddy and Amos were destined to share their lives. Now Buddy is last man standing, left to be his own man alone and seemingly happy to be doing it on his own terms.