Birthday Baby!

It's still my birthday!!! Really?

Yes! Beginning tomorrow,Saturday December 28th, I will be celebrating my fabulous birthday gift from my equally fabulous husband! We-including Frick and Frack-(it was a prerequisite) will be departing for sunny, gorgeous Puerto Rico to enjoy some fun in the sun and some family team building! I couldn't need it more...

I will be returning to the bloggersphere on Friday, Jan 3, 2014. So bloggers, have a very happy and healthy New Year! And  for goodness sake, don't behave if you don't have to.

But do be safe..See you next year!

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Dandy, every creature was stirring, not least of all Candy.

The children were smiling, there was something in the air, it was the magic of Christmas and it was just about here. The store, it was booming; the sales, there were lots and the year had flown by with special memories in spots. Frick had been cast in her first NYU show and Frack was just accepted into college, ya know. They were joyous and pleasant and had matured as they grew, but Frack? He still tested the waters a time or two.

And Candy in Balmain, her guy dressed in Burberry had settled into party mode making the atmosphere quite merry. The dogs were excited, lots of crumbs to be had, even they could sense the spirit; this was no time to be sad. The prognosis was good for Candy's sister; she was tough. Everything else was unimportant, compared to her fight this crap was just fluff. They were grateful, for things had worked out quite well, wouldn't you say? So the adversity, the trying times, they were put aside for the day.

And My Guy had taken care of the kids who didn't think there was hope. They had a Christmas because of him, yes this was not the end of their rope! It gave him a quiet joy, because he remembered Christmas was rough when he was kid. So he made sure every wish was taken care of and special, you bet he did! Frick and Frack delivered the goods, the feeling was a gift in itself. Doing Santa's work for others was so fulfilling, acting just like an elf. He never forgot them, for those kids were his passion, and he solicited donations from corporate sponsors and made giving "in fashion".

As the families gathered, the good spirits abound, along with the wine and the food that was everywhere around. What a gift, was this life! And it felt good to cheer with the ones who mean most to us at this time of year. So when all was said and done and the day drifted into the night, Candy and her Guy settled in for a quiet moment to reflect on the season, so bright. 

And I heard them exclaim as they rose for the night, 

"Merry Christmas to all, may your holidays delight!"

Way To Go Frack!

Dreams really do come true...if you work hard and you believe. Class of 2018 here he comes! Division 1 Golf and so much more. Life begins now.

So proud of you college boy!Congrats, it will be a very Merry Christmas.

Toilet Paper Tales

So I'm watching those crazy Kardashians, and the episode is all about how Khloe and Kris go out, get drunk, and proceed to toilet paper Kim's house. Right? I know what you are thinking, but his post is not about those crazy bitches. The episode make me laugh so hard because I've got some Toilet Paper Tales of my own to tell.

Back in high school, I was kinda wild. Are you shocked? Me wild?? But it's true, we were a pack of wild kids. We used to stay out late, drink and get this...steal our parent's cars and cruise around after hours without our drivers licences!! How the HELL we got away with it I will never know, but I would KILL Frick or Frack if they even attempted some of the crap we pulled.

Having said that...

We were "the coolies" as my dad dubbed us, and one night "the coolies" decided that we were going to toilet paper the football team's houses. We were probably sophomores, none of us old enough to drive, yet we hatched a plan to stay out all night and create mischief. The first thing was to secure the all nighter..we each lied about a sleepover at so and so's house, then we were free! My BFF's parents owned a gym for gymnastics and they had lots of vans that were unattended at night. We took a cab down to the gym, My BFF had the keys to a van and we took off to pick up the others! There were about 7 or 8 of us and like a team of Navy Seals, we set out on our stealth mission dressed all in black.

We needed lots of toilet paper, and being young and wild, we soon realized that the four pack that we had each stolen from our houses just wasn't going to do the job we needed to do. Steal being the operative word here...
It was then that we decided that every late night fast food joint would outfit us with all the toilet paper we would need. It took about 4 or 5 trips to different Burger King and McDonalds within a 5 -10 mile radius, but each bathroom had an ample supply of overflow toilet tissue which we heartily helped ourselves to. Rotten kids, we were, but we thought it was the greatest thing. When we were supplied to the brim with extra toilet paper, our mission began.

Oh what fun it was to throw the rolls over the trees, creating the effect seen above at each house. Trying to stifle the giggles and voices of 8 sophomore girls in the wee hours of the morning was a feat in itself, but we somehow managed to pull it off. I can still remember the rush of excitement when one or more of the houses were decorated in our special way. And it continued all through the night. One after the other, each home properly vandalized, the team we had assembled joyously worked, creating laughs and memories. It seemed like such good clean fun until....

The next day.

At the football game, it spread like wildfire that we were the ones responsible for the mess at each residence. And would you believe that no one thought it was as funny as we did?

The things a bunch of crazy kid will do for the hell of it.

I'm sure today if we had completed such a mission, all 8 of us would have at least received a visit at our homes from the local authorities with either the threat of criminal action or forced to clean up what we thought to be a hilarious mess. Thank God for the good old days. Beside a few snarky remarks from the guys on the football team about how they themselves had to clean it up, we escaped the consequences of our actions.

Again, it's a good thing I didn't know Frick and Frack back then. And I'm sure I never relayed to them the exact details of the story.

I don't think the world would find it as funny..

Cheeky Children

Buy-agra!

Tis the season....

So I'm watching Sunday Morning yesterday and they did this piece on buying on sale and what it does to your brain. Journalist Mark Elwood, who wrote the book, "Bargain Fever", says we are more conditioned to buying items on sale than we are at full price. Elwood noted when we are presented with a savings when making a purchase, our brains release a chemical that makes us feel good about buying and makes us come back for more. He stated that a decade ago, retailers sold between 15-20%  of their inventory at sale. Today that number is more like 40-45% and rising. 

The dopamine in my brain responded to this. Yes, I could completely relate. Not only do I love to get a bargain, but as a retailer myself, I see an increase in sales when I offer a discount at The Candy Bar. Since Black Friday, I have seen offers of 20-30% off flooding my email inbox daily. I even took advantage of these deals this morning when I shopped at Old Navy and Macy's online. I received 20 and 30% on both purchases AND free shipping! (which I couldn't take advantage of because I worried that they wouldn't be here in time for Xmas) Even during non-holiday times there are coupon sites you can use to apply discounts to your purchases online and we offer discount incentives multiple times throughout the year. It's a must to stay competitive in the retail world.

It really is BUY-agra!  And I'm not calling my physician if the sensation lasts for more than 4 hours either! 

So what does this say about brick and mortar competing with online shopping sites? The jury is still out on that one, but if Cyber Monday's sales totals this year say anything, (the largest online shopping day to date with over $2 BILLION recorded in sales) all signs point to easy access with the click of a mouse. 

It just confirms that an online presence for any retailer is as important as great products at a great value.

Tell me what you think? 

Wacky Wally Weirdos

Hey Bloggers! It's Friday and sometimes that means I travel to another dimension.....to check out what those Wally World crazee's have been up to. It never ceases to amaze me...

Around this time of year you know this guy is playing the Santa card for all it's worth! Hotties taking selfies and giving him kisses, you know the Santa thing is working out for him.

Oh hell no.... Girlfriend here ain't no jolly little Santa's helper! Doesn't she have a full length mirror at home? I'll give her credit for trying though...at least she's covered up. But those brown leggings aren't doing her any favors.

The crime here? It's not the striped tank with the chartreuse Grinch shorts. It's not the saggy boobs with the questionably unsupportive bra. No, the crime here are those shoes!!! I think those might be slippers with the sole crocheted to the bottoms??

Holy...I'm not really sure what this is, but you can be damn sure Mattel and myself are not putting anything like that under the Christmas tree this year.

I'm giving this guy props...I LOVE Snoopy!

A Snowman for every Redneck! Yup, right next to the santa in the RV. Oh the joys of Christmas.

Creepy...just really creepy. And why he gotta be driving the electronic scooter too?

But we finish on a high note! This little cutie restores my faith in WalMart humanity.


Have a great weekend Bloggers! And good luck with your holiday shopping..

A Boy And His Toys

We all know how little boys love their toys! Especially on Christmas morning, the joy of toys at Christmas is like no other. This post is about another kind of boy, although not little, both share the same excitement when presented with their toys.

I'm talking about My Guy.

He just re-did our garage. Yup, our garage, and you should see his peacock strut whenever he enters into his newly pimped out garage. Now, I'll admit, it looks great! Tools and sports equipment now have a newly designated place of their own, neatly displayed for easy access and even the trash bins look better, with their own space. But he didn't stop there. He added a heating system and painted floors and I swear, the man would add a  great big flat screen if I let him. He's like a kid at Christmas with everything in its place and a place for everything.

It's totally adorable.

Driving the car into the new garage is like a new adventure  too and sometimes I feel like, when the weather is bad and the car is all dirty and wet, like I'm doing something I shouldn't be. We have an extra fridge out there and it's much more pleasant to walk out to a warmer garage to get the milk. I got to thinking, was it really that easy? Was it a tiny change like a newly appointed garage that could make him so happy? All of us a little bit happier? Life a wee bit better?

I guess so.

And with all of that new fangled garage paraphernalia out there, I'm happier because he just made some of my X-Mas shopping a bit easier.

Sneaky Pest

I HATE sneaky people. And nosy people too.

I just want you to know that I'm on to you, dude. You're not fooling anyone. Fu*k off and mind your own business. Why are you so worried about mine?  You can't be doing well if you are stalking me, so my suggestion to you is to worry more about what you are doing and less about what I am doing.

And don't think for one second that your little spy/flunkies are fooling me either. Back OFF! or I will take action and you don't want to get on my bad side.It's not pretty over there.

I guess I should be flattered that you think I am such a threat, but now you're beginning to annoy me.

Take this as your warning and don't push me.

You Go Girl

So I'm sounding off today. Being the mother of a trained actor I have a few notes on Carrie Underwood's performance of the television event last week of the beloved "Sound of Music" and her performance as the lead Maria Von Trapp.

First thing's first:

• Underwood's vocal performance was amazing! Being on stage live with Broadway veterans like Audra McDonald and Christian Borle couldn't have been easy for her yet vocally, I think she held her own and did a great job with the music.
• Stephen Moyer was dull and uninteresting and there was no chemistry between the Captain and Maria.
• Carrie Underwood is not Julie Andrews. But really, is anybody? Queen Julie is an icon. Those are some seriously large shoes to fill. 

Ok, so Carrie is not a trained actor, nor does she claim to be one, but she was chosen to play the part and what was she going to say? No? I doubt anyone would say no to a role like that. I'm thinking that Carrie did her very best, being a singer and entertainer, at being an actor. At this point I would say that the acting was her biggest failure. Acting evidently does not come easy to her. Was she miscast? It's possible, but again, would you turn down the role if you got it? 

I think that Carrie did what they wanted her to do which was look and sound pretty. The production is at fault for more than just Underwood's acting chops. While there were highlights, there were far too many lowlights that I think people wanted to blame on Carrie. All I could think of is that could have been my baby girl Frick, and the pressure that preceded and followed the live performance must have been monumental.

How do you solve a problem like the haters? Haters gotta hate and hate they did. Social media blew up almost immediately with venom and mean, mostly directed at Underwood and I'm sorry but she wasn't the only problem here. Evidently the criticism got to Carrie because she responded in a classy way via social media and I give her kudos!

"Plain and simple: Mean people need Jesus," the singer tweeted on Friday, Dec. 6, a day after the live special. "They will be in my prayers tonight... 1 Peter 2:1-25," she added.

Merry Freakin Christmas

So I was dreaming of this song all night...go figure.

• Merry Freakin Christmas..Jacoby Ellsbury signed with the Evil Empire for a gazillion dollars. Ouch! We knew it was bound to happen. Ellsbury's agent is Satan and nobody wants to deal with him. Ellsbury is from CA, so no ties here to his East Coast team and it's like Wes Welker all over again. Thanks buddy, for the dedication and the memories. 

• Black Friday was a great success. Small business Sat-not so much-and Cyber Monday was a huge blow out. What's that all about? Are brick and mortar stores a thing of the past? What does that say about stores like mine? Delivery by DRONE?? And according to Amazon CEO Jeffery Bezos, if you can buy it, you can get it from Amazon and have it delivered to your door. "Complaining is not a strategy," Bezos says to small business owners. Ok Jeffery, who died and made you retail boss? I can embrace technology too. You started small once and I can only imagine the possibilities today, but the second you think you are invincible is the second you are dead in the water. Jus sayin..(for the record that last statement is not a challenge to the world's largest online retailer. Just an opinion is all)

• Still don't have my Christmas tree yet. My house is decorated but this is late for us. I'm beginning to feel the XMas pinch. Why are the holiday's so competitive?

• It's like the song above says," I don't need expensive things. They don't matter to me." Even though the holidays are a crunch and a hustle and busy and crazy, I still love Christmas and the anticipation of the holiday like I did when I was little. This is, for sure, the best time of the year. And for all my complaining, I really love every little twinkling light and ribbon and all that holiday music. 

Merry Christmas everyone. 

A Little Nonsence Now And Then Is Relished By The Wisest Men

Today would have been my Dad's 85th Birthday.  He passed away when I was 23 years old on April 18th, 1990. While I'll never forget that day, today I choose to celebrate the man he was, and continues to be in my heart.

My Dad was special.

He was always the center of attention at any gathering and if you were in his prescence long enough, you were laughing. My Dad had a gift, which continues on in his children, most notably in his youngest son. He was funny. He was so funny that I remember thinking at his wake, when I noticed all in attendance smiling and laughing, "this is the way to go out".  Daddy was beloved by all who knew him. Nobody could command a room like him. Nobody could tell a joke like him and Eddie P, as he was known, is still remembered and missed.

As a child, I was always being sent out of the room when Daddy told "The Strawberry Joke", and for years I couldn't wait to be old enough to hear the joke. Turns out "The Strawberry Joke" wasn't even that funny. It wasn't the exact joke, per say, it was the way that Daddy told it. You were already in tears before the punch line was even uttered.

Today I celebrate him and all the funny men in my life: my brothers, my son, my nephews and My Guy, but most of all my Daddy. If it is true that laughter is the best medicine for anything that ails you, Dad had his Doctorate in humor.

Happy Birthday Daddy. I'm sure I can hear the Angels laughing up in heaven.

I'm The Birthday Beeyotch

Here's a toast to you and me; May we never disagree.

But if we do?Screw you! 

Here's to me!

Another year older. Another year wiser? I can only be sure of one thing.

It definitely has been one hell of a ride!!