Wordless Wednesday...Sort of

The Easter Bunny at home:


This is a re-post, so sue me.

What The....?

Is that My Tommy?
Carrying a man/baby/purse at the wedding of Giselle's sister in Brazil over the weekend?
Ask Gi if his balls are in there. And I don't mean the regulation pigskin....
Good grief.

The Stories Of Holy Week

Yesterday was Palm Sunday which marks the start of Holy Week for the Catholic church. I'm not quite sure what it is about Holy Week, but it always seems to lights my inner fire of religious spiritualism. I think it may have something to do with the many stories of Holy Week which follow Jesus on the last week of his life.

I relish the annual Saturday night before Easter Sunday airing of "The Ten Commandments" and I find myself attending the masses of the Easter Triduum, which begins with Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday. I may not go to mass all year, but you can almost bet I will be in attendance during Holy Week. I yearn to be part of the tradition.

I love a good story, and as a story teller myself, I find these stories to be inspiring. The reason I tell you this today is because I read a story this morning, written by a wonderful story teller, that touched me. It was short story, but it's length made it none-the-less important.

"Eric was 87 the day we met, and the story he shared remains a sacred trust, which is exactly what he hoped it would be."

"Tonight would have been his favorite night of the year, the beginning of Passover, commemorating the Israelites’ exodus from bondage under Pharaoh."

"When it was time to go, Eric reached for this writer’s hand and said, “You don’t know what it means to someone like me to tell my story to someone like you, because now I know that when I’m gone there’ll be one more person who heard it from an eyewitness.”

As I said, it's a short story, so if you have a moment go here and read it and Eric's story will have been told to one more person.

In honor of the story tellers everywhere.

I Have An Announcement To Make

"I had sex with both Jesse James and Tiger Woods and I have the racy texts to prove it."

Weston, MA, March 26 2010-Candy of Candy's Daily Dandy reveals proof of her 3 year, steamy, sexual relationships with both Jesse James and Tiger Woods and releases this statement to the press through her attorney.

Why not? Hey, everybody else seems to be doing it. Why shouldn't I jump on the bandwagon and see what I can gain from it? That should at least score me a phone call from Gloria Allred, which should be good because I've always wondered how that woman sleeps at night.

What's wrong with our society today is not the invention of the Internet so much as our dependence on portable electronic devices. They deliver instant access to our social networking world and for some, it's like main lining with your dark side. They are killing us slowly. Our children are occupied by text when we are trying to connect with them. Facebook and IM and ichat are pinging and blooping in the background while the kids are doing their homework and the emotive notification tone of a text message disrupts a productive stream of consciousness.

Have you ever stopped for a moment to listen for your ring tone because you swear you just heard it, only to find it was in your imagination? OR been on your cell phone having a conversation while furiously looking around for your CELL PHONE? Sometimes I'm panicked, searching for my phone only to find that is already in my hand. I'm that dependent on the stupid thing. And it is why people like the aforementioned adulterers were able to continue their lurid behavior on the sly. In the world of electronic sex, naughty, hot exchanges are key to fuel the adultery fire. We'll call it safe sex because no body fluids need be exchanged and it can easily be deleted. The secret is safe. Unless you're a celebrity these days.

I'm not interested in looking at My Guy's cell phone because honestly, I don't want to know. And I shouldn't have to, in a perfect world. But we all know that this isn't a perfect world. There are other ways to pick up on the cheating cues, unless you are married to a psycho-pathic deviant liar. Like I was. Like Elin is and Sandra. How did we not know? They were really good at keeping their deviant, torrid, text sex a secret because it wouldn't be as much fun otherwise. Deviance is like a drug and the sex is the haze of the high. An addict will do whatever it takes to keep the high going and the text message is the needle that delivers the drug instantly. And there's no paper trail. Instant gratification in your front pocket.

And lately, skanky deviants and bimbos are lining up for a handout. Or a photo spread, or some notoriety and a book deal and the skanky deviant celebrity is looking for a fix. But the real villain here is the text message and the cell phone just may be the new sex toy.

Dream A Little Dream For Me

I believe that sometimes the universe is trying to tell you something. It's whether or not you pick up on it, that sets you on the path of that particular destination. Sometimes the cues are subtle and sometimes, not so much.

Today, not so much. The cues were more of the "in your face type" so I couldn't help but pick them up. Funny, long shots have a way of reaching inside of you and grabbing a hold of your safety zone and then they hammer away at you until you tuck them back away, under lock and key.

But I've been here before. This ain't my first time at this particular rodeo I'm older and smarter this time. I call it realistic, really. I was having a conversation about my other passion with a friend of mine, via-email, just yesterday. It got me thinking about the good old days and when the conversation ended, so did the memories. Locked away back in the saftey of my heart.

Until this morning when I opened my email to find a few of my friends had sent me this link.

Subtle? No. Ironic. Yes. And maybe that's just what it is. Irony.

I know I'm too old, but just for today, I'll allow myself to dream about what could be.......

C.P. Casting is seeking a FEMALE, ON-AIR REPORTER from BOSTON with excellent knowledge of the RED SOX -- for a job with NESN to work live and in recorded segments during ALL of the home AND away Red Sox games.

They want a REAL Bostonian who is fun, gutsy, and able to improvise well, on-camera with sports fans at Red Sox games.

This is a large time commitment, working at the home games, AND traveling for many weeks to away games. This is paid work, and all travel expenses will be paid.

Women who have the time, the on-air experience, the improv. skills, the knowledge of the Red Sox, and who grew up here in Boston should reply ASAP!

Meanwhile, Over At the Hen House

Overheard at my water cooler yesterday.

• What did Sandra Bullock expect? He was married to a PORN star?


• Who the hell does Kate Gosselin think she is?


• All I have heard for three days is the incessant drone of the FOX news channel. I'm beginning to think Bill O'Riley is sexy.


• Navy blue and black is the new black.


• The guacamole is the good fat. The six hundred chips you ate with it are the bad fats.


• How could your a*s look fat in those skinny jeans?


• What am I making for dinner tonite? Reservations. hahahaha!


• Tolani scarves are the must have accessory of the spring. "They are all so gorgeous, how can I choose just one." Serious...


• Is this "March Madness" thing a reference to the big winter clearance sale at Bloomingdales?


• Do men curse more than women?


• The Kevyn Aucoin mascara is the BEST EVER! (the item is sold out, but I have it and I'll ship it!! Contact me at candy@thecandybaratww.com )


• Let's meet after work for a few Margarita's and our own brand of March Madness! Hell yes, look out!

Talent For A Tuesday

I have never seen anything like this. WOW!

A Little Nonsense Now And Then Is Relished By The Best Of Men

Sunday night is traditionally is Chinese Food night for my family. On any given Sunday, you can find at least 4-8 of us at the local Chinese restaurant. It's actually kind of nice because, no matter where you are, you know that around 5:30-ish, some body's eating Chinese and the invitation's always open. We don't take part every Sunday, but last night we did.

My son Frack had my iphone and he was sitting on the other side of the table with his cousin. I noticed they were having a grand old time laughing, so to satisfy my curiosity, I had to find out what was so funny. They had down loaded the "Yo Mama So" app onto my iphone and they were generating hilarious Yo Mama jokes, every 10 seconds. With the buttons you see in the photo above, you can tailor the Yo Mamma to be "stupid, fat, old", etc.

I'm surprised we didn't get kicked out of the restaurant.

Once they began sharing them with the rest of the family, the laughter quadrupled. Let's just say it's a good thing my parents are good paying customers.

Some of our favorites:

• Yo mama so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.


• Yo mama so old she owes Moses money.


• Yo mama so poor, thieves rob her house for practice.


• Yo mama so ugly, your grandma threw her on the street and was charged for littering.


• Yo mama so poor, she goes to the dump every day just to see what's on the menu.


• Yo mama so fat, the local all-you-can-eat buffet just put a restraining order out against her.


• Yo mama so lonely, she tried to get arrested just so she could make some new friends.


• Yo mama's fro so crazy, when she gets into her car, it looks like she got tinted windows.

The adults we were enjoying it as much as the kids. You know the old saying, "Simple minds, simple pleasures."

You got any good "yo mama"s?

Photo Friday

My blogger friend Corey James over at Madtexter tagged me for a photo meme. Since it's Friday, I figured what the hey, I'll play!

The rules of this one are easy:

• Go to your first photo file and pick the 10th photo in it.
• Tell the story behind the photo.
• Tag 5 other people to do the same.

This photo was taken last June at my mother's Rockin' Birthday celebration. We had a big surprise party for her where we traveled by bus to a private room in a swank Boston restaurant, ate a swank Boston meal, roasted her, (well, I was the only one who roasted her, everyone else wimped out) and then traveled to an improv club where she was the star of the entire show. Mom said it was the greatest night of her life.

Pictured here with me, from left to right is my handsome as HELL nephew #1, Laurel, My Guy, My boobs,er..umm,.. I mean me, and my handsome as hell nephew #2, Hardy (not their real names). We are standing outside the restaurant, engaging in small talk and smoking disgusting cigarettes.

I love this photo because I love those boys like they were my own. Since I was about their age when they were born, I was their nanny for more that a few summers and I feel like our bond is very strong. Now that they are grown men, I enjoy spending time with them whenever I can, which is not very often. That night was a very special night for my family and I think that's evident by this photo.

I'm not a good meme tagger, so I will do the wimpy thing and just throw it out there to see what sticks. If you like the idea, run with it. I hope it brings you joyous memories, as it did for me. I want to thank Corey James for bringing me back to that great night and I will leave you with a photo from that night of the whole Rockin' fam-damily. My moms is ,of course, front and center.

Oh what a night!

It All Started With The Apple

Tell me it isn't so.

Tell me that it's not true because after all I have been through and I SHOULD know better, I still have the hopes and dreams of a woman who is optimistic about love and marriage.

Tell me that it's only a few bad apples that spoil it for the rest of us.

Tell me anything, "because I'm still kinda touched by 'your word is Oak thing'." (obscure Jerry Maguire reference) and your public declaration of love as "having my back".

Tell me to grow the f*ck up because as history proves, it all started with that God dammed apple.There's no two ways around it, because it's always been there and temptation is indeed, the fruit of all evil.

Another one bites the dust.

In this still-breaking story, the public obsession with salacious, celebrity infidelity takes yet another ugly turn. This time, America's newly crowned sweetheart is at the center.

Oh, Christ. Not that it's any of my or anyone else's business, but are we to believe that these new allegations, by some tattooed vixen, for money, fame, or whatever are FALSE? Do we really care? Yes, we do because somewhere inside of us we were all pulling for this mismatched couple to be happy. Sandy certainly looked happy. Sandy certainly sounded happy. Jesse doesn't look so happy (in that photo). It's ugly and only going to get uglier. In public. My heart goes out to her.

Who knows, maybe they had an agreement. Maybe she has some tattooed love slave on the side too. I would never venture to guess what is acceptable for others in a marital relationship, but I can tell you that it's not what I would agree to. Here's the thing, Adam couldn't resist the temptation and allegedly neither could Tiger or Jesse, so maybe a little piece on the side isn't so tragic.

Grow the f-up Candy, and smell the dirt in the garden. Who the hell am I? Joan of Ark? Am I asking too much for monogamy and fairy tales? Damm Cinderella and her happy ending and Snow White too. They can all go straight to hell. It's that friggin apple and it's not like we weren't warned. It's always been there. In the beginning of beginnings. Maya Angelou once said, "When someone reveals himself to you, you better listen." Did Adam not set the bar for the male species?? And right out of the gate too, so there would be no questions. Insurance for his homeys.

The way I see it serpents, vixens, lust, greed and temptation will always be prevalent, it's how one chooses to handle the temptation that speaks volumes about one's character.

And really, who wants to be married to a character?

The Wearin O' The Green

“God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world!”~ Unknown

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

A Time For Thanks

Today I am filled with gratitude. My heart swells with goodness and it is directly related to the kindness of others that my family and I have been lucky enough to receive over the past few days. There really is good in the world and I have proof.

One Class Act

Remember "The Cupcake Chronicles"? Behold the power of the internet.

A blog entry that was meant as a theraputic rant and a chance to field the opinion of my blogger friends turned into an amazing act of kindness. A local supermarket chain, Roche Bros. that was mentioned only as an alternative to my problem, NOT the source, picked up my rant/blog via alert widget linked to their corporate name. I received an email that same afternoon that read:

Candy-

I am the Bakery Merchandiser for Roche Bros. I have read your blog and would like to help.

I apologize that this has turned into a problem.

I then contacted Roche Bros Bakery Merchandiser and not only did he completely take care of my custom bakery needs, he made it convenient for me to arrange pick up at my local Roche Bros. AND they donated the cupcakes to the event! I was floored. I kept repeating to the bakery employee when I was picking up the 60 mini vanilla cupcakes with red frosting,

"Are you sure there is no charge? I think there is a mistake." I was assured there was no mistake and that they were a donation from the Roche Bros. corp.

To Mr. Bakery Merchandiser and to Roche Bros., I thank you, you are one class act.

That Which Fuels The Fire

Before I first met My Guy, one of the ways he was described to me was as a successful business man. What he later told me was that the success of his company was directly related to the hard work and dedication of the men who work for him. He told me that without their commitment, he would not have been able to achieve the success they, as a company, enjoy today.

On Sunday, those same hard working men didn't let us down either. They were there, within a half hour of the phone call, ankle deep in water in our basement, doing whatever was needed, solving problems and taking action without question on their one day off a week.

I cannot thank them enough for, once again, coming to my family's rescue. I truly don't know what we would have done without them.

To the wonderful people I speak of here today and the rest of the "game changers" out there in the world, I say thanks. With my heart swelling with gratitude, I ask the question,

"Can we really change the world with kindness? "

I couldn't think of a better way to try.

This Sucks

Yeah, that's not my basement. But that's not too far off from what my basement looked like yesterday.

Picture this; a cozy, quiet Sunday morning. A typical New England Nor'easter going on outside with rain and wind so loud, it woke me up in the middle of the night. No problem, it's Sunday, my day off, and with a break from the daily hustle and bustle we are having a quiet Sunday morning breakfast as a family in the kitchen. I decide to go water the plants. As I do so, I am gazing out the windows at the large puddles that have formed in my back yard.

Then it hits me.

Did anyone check the basement? I have lived in this house for 9 years and we have never had water in our basement from rain. We have a super-duper, heavy duty sum-pump (is that what it's called?) so we have been very lucky, so far. Not today, not this day. That photo above is almost exactly what we found when descending the stairs to the basement.

All I can tell you is that My Guy is my hero and I am brilliant for snagging him for my future husband, because he completely took charge. Let's just say that within four hours I had almost every drop of water out of the basement and four guys here ripping up carpets and stacking trash in the garage when no one could even get the Fire Department to help them. From what the Fire Department told us, it became a game of inches and he with the highest water total took priority. Try to call someone to help? Forget it. The town next to us was shutting down flooded roads, evacuating apartment complexes and taking people out on the lift of a front end loader.

The forecast is calling for rain all day today and tomorrow. We made it through the night dry, thank God. I've got the day off today so I will be holed up in the basement trying to salvage and restore whatever I can.

This definitely sucks, but I am grateful that is the most of it. Thousands of people in my state are without power and some have worse flooding than just a basement. I'm hoping the exercise equipment will be ok and so far the biggest loss has been my NEW ipod, which was on the floor in that room. Most of the important, irreplaceable stuff like photos, was off the floor on shelves in bins, so I think we were lucky.

Can you say, "Extreme Basement Makeover?" Where's Ty Pennington when you need him?

Blogaholics Anonymous

I'm a big fan of the TV show House. I watch it almost every Monday night and if I miss it, I record it so it's ready for me when I can watch it. Monday night was a typical crazy night, so I missed the episode and caught it last night.

Did anyone see Monday's episode? About the Blogger???

It was freakin ridiculous.

Seems Dr. House and his team's new patient was a "blogger". The show starts off with the woman on her computer typing on some pseudo-blogspot web site, a blog journal. The camera scrolls down as she is typing things like,"Ryan and I just had a fight. He's gone to bed and I am here typing."
Ryan (or whatever his name was) comes out and says to her, "Are you coming to bed or what?"
To which she replies some garbage about how 8 out of 10 commenter's on her blog think he is wrong. They then have a mini argument over how she wrote about the fight on her blog and what about their privacy and yada, yada, yada. She says, "I write about my life and my readers want the truth." Then she starts bleeding profusely from her mouth and her medical drama ensues.

If you don't watch the show, it usually takes place in the hospital and it usually takes House and his team the entire hour to figure out what's wrong with the patient. This story, "the blogger" hit way too close to home, so I was riveted. And I was embarrassed. For Hollywood. Cuz they so got this one all wrong. The first scene in the hospital is of the woman in her hospital bed with her laptop in her lap and a visitor with a laptop in her lap. She is writing her blog and the visitor is reading it. And we know this because they have just told the doctors as much.

Yeah right, like all bloggers live blog from the hospital...(so what if I did here, and here, that's not the point) Then the docs gave her some serious news and she has to make a choice on which course her medical treatment will take. So what does she do? Yup, you guessed it! She asks the bloggersphere what to do, and her boyfriend has a fit. Now I ask you-do any of you have a "problem" with obsessive blogging?? Have your loved ones told you you have changed since you started blogging? Do you consider your blog an integral part of your life, like you couldn't make a serious decision without checking in with the sphere? Do you over share the intimate details of your life with the world?

The story then takes this dramatic turn about how no one values privacy in our society anymore because we are sharing everything on the Internet. The boyfriend even goes as far as to tell the blogger that their lives have been turned into a performance, a show, because she shares everything. Really? Are we that stereotypical? Just because some enjoy the creative process of writing something, anything, everyday to share with whomever decides to read it does that make them "blog-a-holics"? Are we obsessed with sharing every intimate detail for the purpose of validation from a bunch of "strangers"? Cuz that's what the show was aiming for.

Hey Hollywood, save the drama for your dramas! And that's just what this was, a drama. Not real life and not true. I have been on both sides of the blogger dilemma, too much time/not enough time, and I can tell you that most bloggers blog for the love of the written word and sharing it with a few who love it just as much as they do. It's great when you connect with some great people and yes, when you ask for their advice and they give it to you. It's nice to know you've got a blogger friend and even a small blogger family, but most of us are not addicted to posting. And most of us are scrambling to fit blogging into our lives. Get real Hollywood. Unless a blogger is making some serious bank blogging daily, you can bet that it's just a fun pastime for most and a body of work they can be proud of. Do you agree?

Now if Showtime would just come and option my blog for a mini-series, I'll get as intimate as they want. For the benefit of the art, of course.

Strange Yet Sentimental

So, I'm at work yesterday, in my store that caters to women, and the ladies I work with are all talking about how Nomar Garciaparra has just re-signed with the Red Sox. Since I have been blessed with an extra Y chromosome, my male sports dominance gene kicked right in, as is such in these situations.

"Did I just hear you say that the Red Sox signed Nomar today?", I asked incredulously, with even a slight chuckle.

"Yes. Didn't you hear?"

"Ah no, I didn't, " I said. And in my most condescending voice I said, "And I think you may have gotten the story wrong, honey. The Sox would never re-sign Nomar today."

Again, I chuckled. Chicks, I thought and I walked away giggling and shaking my head. I couldn't get to my computer fast enough to Google that one. I was shocked to find that they were right, sort of.

Breaking news out of Fort Meyers yesterday was indeed, that the Boston Red Sox had re-signed fan favorite Nomar Garciaparra.

"Nomar Garciaparra ended his MLB career where it began; with the Boston Red Sox. As one of the most beloved Sox in recent history, his desire to return to Boston to finish his career was granted earlier today when he signed a one-day minor league contract with the Red Sox and then announced his retirement from baseball as a member of the team he has always missed. He will transition to the broadcast booth as a member of the EPSN “Baseball Tonight” crew as well as an occasional game analyst."

Strange.

It is more than a well know fact that baseball is first a business, played by tough guys and tougher agents, it is law. The Major Leagues is not a game for the physically or mentally weak. It's either kill or be killed and that's why Scott Boras shark-types and self-centered machines like Manny dominate. It's a game that has been described as the game of "Money Ball". But this?

This is somewhat...strange but sentimental. And I'm not quite sure I get it. Yet, there they were, the Sox power that be, Lucchino and Theo, sitting next to Nomar, smiling. I guess in someways it is good for the game. Fans of Nomar's got their happy ending and so did Garciaparra, but it all seemed so contrived.

And for what? His happiness?

I doubt it. I think it has more to do with good press and PR for the team and keeping Nomar in the system. Call me a cynic, but I think the team might have learned a thing or two in the past few years about pissing off former players in hasty trades and not making good on them. It's as if they're not taking any chances.

Let's call it the insurance needed to guarantee that we go another 86 years curse-free.

The Cupcake Chronicles

I'm throwing this out there for your consumption, opinion and general take on what I am fast calling, "The Cupcake Chronicles". So my daughter's high school class is having a semi-formal dance this Saturday, and a committee of parents has put together decorations, food lists, chaperone's, etc for said dance. Let me preface this by saying that I NEVER join those committees because the ladies that preside over them regularly are not my "kind", but I will help out now and then how ever I can, as most parent do.

The ladies sent out a list of foods that parents could volunteer bring to drop off at the dance location on this Saturday morning for set-up. Last week I volunteered to buy "60 mini vanilla cupcakes with red frosting". I figured that this would easy for me, as my shop is located very close to our local supermarket, where mini cupcakes are sold by the dozen. Last Friday I got an email from the parent coordinating the food stating that I should probably order the cupcakes ahead of time because as she put it, "the ladies are very specific about the vanilla and red frosting because it goes along with the "Fire and Ice" theme of the evening."

Ok, I'm hip to that. I like things to coordinate also. So I walked over to the market to place the order. The market bakery tells me NO CAN DO on the "custom mini's" because the mini's that they sell come in already made and packaged. They tell me they can do the regular size-no problem-but the mini's are half chocolate and half vanilla and the icing color is pretty much a crap shoot. So I place the order, figuring the large ones are just as good if not better, but I'm wondering if they still need 60. I shoot a quick e-mail to the coordinating parent to find out if the large ones are OK at 60 and the frosting quickly hits the fan.

I get an email back from the other volunteer who is supplying 60 mini cupcakes also stating this,

"I have two little muffin pans that make 12 mini cupcakes each, so I was thinking of just buying yellow cake mix, white frosting and red food coloring and making 2 and a half batches with my two pans."

You've got to be kidding me. Now they want me to BAKE the cupcakes? Now don't get me wrong, I don't really have a problem with the baking thing. I can bake like nobody's business and actually enjoy the entire process, but here's the thing. I FRICKEN WORK EVERYDAY! I do not want to bake 60 mini vanilla cupcakes with red frosting if I don't have to.

Am I wrong here?

So this goes back and forth on email yesterday, and I was so disgusted, that I didn't respond and I just watched what happened as they communicated via email. They go back and forth about where else I can order them and this and that and how they are for the "Fire side" of the food tables, yada, yada, yada, and I realize that these ladies have too much time on their hands.
Big or small, cupcakes are cupcakes. I'll volunteer to spring for all of them if I don't have to bake them.

So after a good night's sleep, this morning I sent this email:

"Hi Ladies,
Sorry for no response yesterday, as I was unable to check email for most of the day. Looks like I'm baking, unless Roche Bros makes them, but I am not in possession of mini cupcake tins nor the opportunity to go and purchase them by Friday, since I work full time. If Annie could lend me hers, I will commit my Friday night to baking the 60 vanilla mini cupcakes with red frosting.

Thanks,
Candy"

Was that snarky? My bad.

You think my daughter will notice whether her cupcake is mini or not?

You think my daughter really cares?

You're Fired

I'm feeling a little empowered today, because much like The Donald, I fired everybody.

I fired my lawyer, I fired my ex-ASS-husband and I fired this whole Divorce/custody/support cluster-fu*k (I didn't say it) my life has become lately. I have been free of that cancer/man for over 5 years, yet I still find myself in court paying money to get HIM to pay money. At this point I'm completely upside down and still fighting for principle. Guess what?

I'm done and you're fired.

Hey, deadbeats are people too, right? There was a time, long ago, that he was trying to get me to pay him money. You heard me right, me pay him, but the judge kinda laughed at that one. Ridiculous litigation sometimes brings about those kind of responses in judges. And looking back, that's exactly what I have been doing all this time. Participating in ridiculous litigation.

You're either an active, interested, participating co-parent or you're not. I realize that no matter how much money I spend on trying to make sure he holds up his end of the bargian, a deadbeat's still a deadbeat and history shows that is a fact that is not going to change. So for my children's sake, I fired him and I fired everyone else who was bloodsucking off me in the name of so-called justice.

Yesterday I went in pro se (sans attorney) and it was like taking candy from a baby. I have sat in a probate courtroom duing the last five years and seen hundreds of women go before the judge pro se. I've seen them come in dressed down, dressed up and win and loose for whatever reason and I decided I no longer wanted to participate in this game any longer because it only hurts the children. As long as I am on this earth, my children will be my priority and that's all that really matters. I can't legally bully their father into making them a priority...anymore. I don't need a laywer because the laws are what they are, and I'm not asking for anything more than nothing.

Yesterday was proof of that. I need no law degree to stand before a judge and let him hang himself.

Done.

Fired.

I'll be fine and so will they and that's all that really matters. Because I will make sure.

Dandy Sandy

I am up and out today super early today, so I'm posting at midnight, just after the Oscars.

I spent most of the Oscar evening over at B.E. Earl's Oscar Party, live blogging and what a party it was!!! Thanks guys, you made it quite enjoyable!

I just wanted to say how happy I am that Sandra Bullock won her first Oscar for her role in The Blind Side. Even more so, I was impressed by her message of the movie standing for "mama's taking care of babies no matter blood or race".

As for the fashions, there were some seriously beautiful creations, but upon further inspection I feel as if most of the gowns were all similar in design: strapless and trumpet style fitted in every shape and color. Am I right? TREND ALERT.

There were some messy hair dos and I'm not sure if that was intended, but my vote fashion standout winner???

The fabulous Sarah Jessica Parker In Chanel....perfection. It's too early for me to find ANY published photos on the internets yet so you'll have to just take my word for it.

An underwhelming Oscars...

Friday Funny

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband,

"Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin."

The husband, being shocked, replied,

"How's this possible? You've been married three times before."

The wife responds,

"Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it.

My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it.

Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

Joke courtesy of lotsof jokes.com

The Distinguished Office Of The American Presidency

Stress.

Constant exposure to daily stress can take it's toll on the best of us. It can cause serious health problems, early heart attacks, deplete the body of essential vitamins and minerals and reek havoc on a healthy body.

You think you've got stress in your life?? Check this out. Leading researchers have recently completed a study on the physical effects of stress and what it has done to the last 4 surviving American Presidents.

The photograph on the left is of the President and First Lady going into office. The one on the right is of them after leaving office.

Any questions?

I Never Met A Slice Of Pizza I Didn't Love

What is it about pizza that sends me into a complete Pavlovian frenzy whenever I see it?? That delectable, gooey, cheesy, oily, doughy, sensation that pleases the taste buds and produces in me, a most predatory instinct, pizza is my ultimate chioce for comfort food.

And here's the thing: When I see it, I just HAVE to have it.
I could have just finished an entire gourmet Thanksgiving feast, but if there's a fresh cooked pie in the house, bring it on baby...

And I like it thin.
with pepperoni
and grated parmasean cheese
and oregano
and black pepper
and a big glass of iced tea.(I don't drink soda)

I even like crappy pizza. Heck I'll nibble on a oven baked frozen pizza if it's in front of me, even if it's sub-par. It's pizza after all. I love New York style pizza, the kind that the slice is so thin and so big that you could feed and entire family of five with one slice.
Greasy? Hell yes! And I don't blot the slice. That's for amateurs. I just load on the grated cheese and let that sop up all the greasy goodness.

Try as I might, I wish I was capable of experimenting with my pizza toppings. But I cannot. Unless I am sharing a pie with someone else, I gotta have pepperoni. That's all, just pepperoni. I've had chicken, spinach, feta, hamburger, mushroom, pepper, onion, and just about anything else one can imagine. But my heart belongs to the Roni.

So here's a little Daily Dandy ode to Pizza:

Pizza Pie, I love it a lot.
I'll eat it cold, I'll eat it hot.

Both in a train and in a car,
Pizza is the best, by far.

I'll order it North, I'll try it South
and never, ever burn my mouth.

So since I've told you, with pizza how I roll,
I'll thank you much and now shut my pie hole.


*I must be Pre Menstrual, because this is what came out of the creative process today

I'm Doomed To Hell

So while I was on vacation in Disney, I spotted a guy with a massive smudge of dirt on his forehead and found myself unable to look away for a few moments.

What I quickly realized was that it was Ash Wednesday and that I, yet again, missed the boat on an important religious ritual. BUT, since I was on vacation, I said...F**K-IT! and decided to face that particular music when I got home. Well, after a wonderful steak dinner last Friday night, I remembered that that I had forgotten that it was the Lenten Season and that I needed to make my yearly sacrifice and TRY to observe the archaiac religious rituals I had learned as a child.

I have decided to give up cursing, cussing and the use of profanity until Easter Sunday which is ABSOLUTELY REDONK...but I maysuprise myself and get some brownie points for effort.

As I said, I'm doomed to hell, and in case your wondering, this is what any and all confrontations in my world will be like for the next few weeks.




F*#K, I'm screwed.....

Today's Special:Ready For Prime Time

*this one's for the ladies. Sorry Fellas.

I'm more than certain, while out shopping for a new foundation, you have come across a foundation primer. Yes? No?

And I'm also more than certain if you did come across one, that you pondered whether or not you needed to add this extra step into your already, jam packed, beauty regimen.

Why?, you probably wondered. Do I really need it?

My answer to that is do we ever really need anything? But I can tell you definitively that if you wear foundation, you really need a good foundation primer. Women wear foundation for two simple reasons: to even out skin tones and for coverage of skin imperfections. Most women apply foundation once a day, in the morning, and hope that their foundation will last for the entire day. By wearing a foundation primer, a woman can almost guarantee that her foundation will look almost as fresh as when she first applied it, all day long.

Guerlain's Meteorites Light Diffusing Perfecting Primer is my first choice for priming excellence. What makes this product so great is that it's easy pump formula is made to smooth out skin, control color imperfections and slightly camouflage blemishes. The small pearl beads you see reflect light and give the skin a luminous glow. And its easy; two pumps smoothed over cleansed skin and you're ready to go. It gives foundation the perfect base to do it's job.

Next up: Smashbox's Photo Finish Primer

Smashbox is quickly becoming a favorite line of mine because of it's product excellence. My mom introduced me to it, as she is the Queen of QVC, and I have to admit being a bit of a snob about it at first and slow to try it.


Boy, was I wrong. So much so, that I am seriously looking into adding the line to my store. Yes, I love it that much.


Photo Finish is no exception. This gel based foundation primer is loaded with antioxidants like green tea and is rich in vitamins A and E. Not only is it good for your skin, but it fills in fine lines and wrinkles and provides a smooth, flawless canvas for your makeup. It can also be purchased in a similar formula with an SPF 15.

I also love Kevyn Aucoin Primer.

I sell this product and the entire Kevyn Aucoin Line at my store. This small, skinny pump bottle packs a serious primer, that is portable, which makes it perfect for travel. If you have the chance, swipe a bit onto the back of your hand and feel how smoothing and supple this product leaves the skin, when applied before foundation.

Bottom line, if you wear foundation, I recommend the one two punch of a primer/foundation combo. For long lasting wearibility, smoothing of fine lines and wrinkles and keeping foundations color true, a primer is your key component.

It will leave you ready for those "close-up" moments.....Mr. Demille.