Got Blonde?

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive and well endowed blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed...

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

http://blonde-jokes.101funjokes.com/

We Pardon This Interruption In Your Regular Programming

So I woke up this morning in Florida.

Long story short, I needed to come here least minute to take care of some family stuff, and its all good. Funny thing is, I feel kind of strange, you know, like this is a interruption in my "regularly scheduled programming". Even the air is different. The second I stepped off the plane, I could smell it. It smelled liked warm and balmy and it smelled good.

I'm just beginning to adjust and the weather helps with that process greatly. I can see why people want to come here to retire. If you've never been here, I can tell you that its got a kind of vacation feel, with plenty of palm trees and sunshine. Then there's the restaurants and strip malls. The place is inundated with miles of strip malls and fancy restaurants. And let's face it, lots of old people. Tons of them. This is their place and they are everywhere. They don't call it God's waiting room for nothing.

Florida is also the home of golf courses, lakes, Gators and Mickey Mouse and during the short time that I will be here, I hope I see none of them. I'm sure I will be seeing a lot of the inside of several of the local malls and a lot of the back of my eyelids. Yup, while sitting pool side. I'm going to squeeze in some quiet time by the pool, because soon enough I'll be back in the home of snow and ice.

And even though I have billed this as an inconvenience in my life, I need to understand that this is a small gift and enjoy myself.

Yeah, I think I can do that.

Chicken Soup For Your Face

Great titles for the American woman.

I just sent an email to my customers about my new, organic skin care line called Patyka. In the email, I admitted my obsession with skin care products. I thank God that I am obsessed with skin care, because when you take good care of your skin, it shows. Right now it is winter and this is the time to utilize those "special care" products to protect and hydrate dry and tapped out complexions.

Just about every day, a customer will come into my store and tell me that they have a million little bottles on their shelves, but really don't know what to do with them. I tell them this is the time to USE them. "Just do it", like Nike says, pick up the bottle and put it on your face. If I had to break it down for you I would categorize skin care into three basic steps:

CLEANSE

TONE

MOISTURIZE

Every day, twice a day. It's really that simple. I hear a lot of women tell me that they are too tired at night to cleanse and tone their faces and I say, "If you're gonna shag your ass into the bathroom and brush your teeth before bed, you should be able to wash and moisturize your face properly." It take 5 minutes and it makes a marked improvement in your skin's appearance.

Your night time skin ritual is like chicken soup for your face and when you skin does most of it's work, so pick up those little bottles of serum, the ones you are not sure about, and use them. The serums are the best thing you can do for your skin. Power packed with anti-oxidants and essential minerals and vitamins, serums can improve skin's overall clarity and texture and can be a boost in the anti-aging process. They fall under the category of SPECIAL CARE and they fall into place right after TONE and just before MOISTURIZE.

There are so few sure things in this world, but I guarantee you, it's a sure thing you will see an improvement in your skin's appearance and quality by making the commitment to skin care. You know you got talked into the product by an enthusiastic sales lady (like me) and probably paid a fortune for it, right? I say USE it and feed you soul by feeding your face and taking care of what God gave you.

They don't call it your "money maker" for nothing.

You Do The Math

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol.

The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained.

The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16mph over the limit. At $12 for every mile, plus $40 court costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?"

I replied, "Taking that total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be any-where without teachers, I'd say zero."

He handed me back my license. "Math was never my favorite subject," he admitted. "Please slow down."

http://unsourcedhumor.blogspot.com/2010/05/rushing-math-mistake.html

Business As Usual

I fell asleep on the sofa during the State of The Union last night. I might have even been snoring, a little.


Melissa McCarthy was nominated for an Academy Award for her role in Bridesmaids. I'm so pumped for her because she definitely stole the show. How's about we celebrate? I say Fight Club and we beat the shit out of her!


I read an article in the paper today about Kelly Clarkson and then Kellie Pickler sang a song on Good Morning America while I was on the Elliptical (I liked it too!) then Carrie Underwood's face was on the back of my US Weekly magazine in my kitchen. I swear to you, I even thought about dedicating a whole post to it. Which Idol will be flashed before my eyes today? Talk about a powerful machine.


Been watching the show "Person Of Interest" on CBS. Jim Caviezel..Yummy. Wasn't he Jesus in Mel Gibson's "Passion of Christ"? Lusting after Jesus? If that's wrong I don't wanna be right.

Planning a party for Frick. She's graduating from high school, ya know. That makes me officially old. But I don't want to think about that now. I'll think about that tomorrow.

Jingle Bells

The bells may be ringing, but they don't soothe my broken heart.

My memories of you are red and raw, like my tired eyes today. I chose to let you go, but that choice cut right through me and left me broken. I know you will suffer no more, so I must take comfort in the pieces of our life.

You came to me when I needed you, wanted you and you never wavered. Always at my feet, or anywhere you could hear me, smell me; just to know I was there made you happy. It was your comfort and mine and love was our bond.

You were feisty, like me, and you took no bull from the others. You were a woman among men and you could handle yourself. I loved that about you. You licked and snorted and barked to let us know that you loved us no matter what. You protected us and today, I still feel your presence in the tears of your family. The pack mourns too.

You were here yesterday, but today you are gone and I still can't believe it. It's the strangest feeling. In a house full of people, there is an overwhelming emptiness.

My heart is broken.
Our hearts are all broken.

I hope you are at peace wherever you are and I hope you know that I loved you like my own, because you were my own. My girl. My baby girl, what will I do without you?

The bells are ringing because today you got your wings, but they don't soothe my broken heart.

Indy, Here We Come

A Lusty List

Things I'm currently lusting after:

The ultimate coffee table book about the man, the myth, the legend behind...the shoes.

Any and all things Iris Apfle:



Seven grand. Stop it. Just stop it.



Now seriously, and I need TWO of these. Price tag? $25,000.00. Each.



I have yet to make these babies my own:



Cooking expeirence to go with my brand new pressure cooker from Santa:


Cooking excellence:




And most important:



A WIN and we are INNNNN!!

Peace bloggers. Have a great weekend!

Proof That Men Should Not Be Allowed Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make-up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

Reply

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Walter


I jacked this AS IS from http://www.jokesaboutmen.net/men_jokes_sixteen.html

Glee-ful Noise

(don't click to watch, it's disabled)

Glee returned true to musical form last night, in the episode entitled "Yes/No" and kicked off the show with a sentimental favorite, Grease's "Summer Nights". Sam and Mercedes, pursued by their friends to tell the story of their romance, sing this adorable classic to perfection and keep to the original. To say I LOVED it, is an understatement, and any self respecting Grease fan was loving it right there with me.

Love and marriage was in the air when Coach Bieste tells Emma that she and Cooter eloped! This news sends Emma scrambling for answers as to why Will/Mr. Shue hasn't proposed. Emma goes into an internal song, singing the Laura Nyro and the 5th Dimension "Wedding Bell Blues" with Bieste and Sue as back up. While this song was cute, nothing was funnier than Sue waltzing down the hall behind Emma, dressed in full on bridesmaid, wearing Princess Beatrice's abominable hat from last year's royal wedding. It's the little things like this that make me love Glee.

That and little things like casting reality star, Real Housewives of Atlanta's NeNe Leakes, as the synchronized swimming coach. Sam, determined to get a letter man's jacket to win Mercedes' heart, joins the synchronized swim team. While most of her lines were overly cliche and questionable, "I had a dream," and "40 acres and pool", NeNe was spot on and surprisingly worthy of the role.

Becky decides that Artie will be the object of her affections as we learn in her internal dialogue, complete with Dame Helen Mirren's elegant voice overs, "In my mind I can sound like whom ever I want, so lay off haters!"Not wanting to hurt Becky, Artie invites her to come and see him perform the mash up, "Moves like Jagger/Jumping Jack Flash". Could you guess that this would be My Download Pick Of the Week? Am I that predictable? Maybe so, but even though I was moving like Jagger myself, it's a toss up for two songs this week, this one being the first. This was pure magic. Artie, the strongest male voice on the show, handled it with ease and I can hardly wait for this one to make it onto my beloved iPod.

Finn learns that the truth sucks. He grew up thinking that his dad was a war hero, and he tells Mr. Shue that he is contemplating enlisting in the army so he can honor his father. A concerned Mr. Shue calls his parents and Finn's mom breaks his heart by telling him the truth. His dad was dishonorably discharged and then died of a drug overdose in Cincinnati. Poor Finn. Why must they turn this kid into a loser? A depressed Finn, Rachel and Kurt console each other over dinner and Rachel sings David Guetta's "Without You" to Finn. I'm a sucker for love and this one pulled me right in, as it was intended to and my second Download Pick Of the Week.

A somber girls chorus sings Roberta Flack's, "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" for Mr. Shue. Rachel, Santanna, Tina and Mercedes do this sultry classic justice with the right amount of emotion and soul and prove that soulfulness transcends generations.

Sam tell Mr. Shue he has an idea about his proposal to Emma, and the next thing you know we are at the pool, with the synchronized swim team and the glee club while they serenade Emma with Rhianna's "We found Love". At first, I thought this was an adorable way to propose(even if Artie and his wheel chair made it into the pool), then they ruined it. Mr Shue in a cheesy white tux with a white satin top hat walking on water? No..please...because if that wasn't bad enough, he then dives into the pool and comes out soaking wet for the proposal. A little too much for me, and I love this show. Emma evidently didn't feel the same way I did, because she said yes.

But will Rachel say yes? Finn proposes to Rachel and while the actual proposal does not seem out of place, the fact that the story line has left Finn with nothing else even slightly redeeming for his future is tragic. He went from hero to zero, all in the span of 4 seasons. The show ended without Rachel's response so we will have to wait till next week for Rachel's answer.

But for now, we have the music. Ah yes, the glorious music.

Candy Culture

Hey Bloggers!

Welcome to the first edition of an exciting new segment on Candy's Daily Dandy called:

CANDY CULTURE

Video blogging is something that I have been thinking about for a while, and I decided that 2012 would be the year to launch these bi-monthly video blogs. I have to confess, while my video skills were slightly rusty and being the cast, camera crew and producer all at once posed a slight challenge, I loved the process and as time goes by, it will only get better. I promise.

So sit back, relax and enjoy the maiden voyage of Candy Culture.

Dark Swagger

That's how I'm feeling today. All business.

The business at hand is all Pats, and I'm perceiving it as a dark, serious place. This isn't going to be a cake walk and sweet little me has no warm and fuzzy, "Go get em', fellas!" feeling. No, it's more like a, "Take no prisoners, and offer no mercy," kind of place. A dark kind of swagger.

Tim WHO? C'mon now people, let's not forget who the opposing QB is? Even the Boston media is all caught up in Tebow mania.

Not me. He's cute and all, but he's no Tommy.

I know who Money is, and I know who will prevail, but I prefer to be cautiously optimistic. I'll keep my swagger personal and quiet because there is business to be tended to and we will not be denied. It's been a painful couple of playoff years and this is our time to rise...again.

Yes Virginia, there is a God and he's a Patriots fan.

Diary Of An Obsession

The woman pictured here is Isabella Stuart Gardner, the famed art collector and philanthropist who housed an amazing compilation of eclectic and very important artworks in her Boston home. Her collection is considered by some to be one of the greatest private collections of art in America. Mrs. Gardner spent years amassing these works of art and transforming her Boston home into a museum which she bequeathed to the city of Boston upon her death. Born in 1840 and died in 1924, Isabella Stewart Gardner was an illustrious and notable figure in the press and the subject of much scandal and fascination. Her museum in Boston is also the place where the most notorious and unsolved art heist in the world took place.

She's just my kind of gal, and the subject of my newest obsession.

For me it all started with a simple conversation with our UPS delivery guy. We'll call him T. T and I were chit chatting one day about this new book he was reading called,"The Gardner Heist". If you live in Boston like I do, most Bostonians are fascinated with any and all things that have to do with crime, Whitey Bulger and the Gardner Museum heist. T was telling me about how speculation surrounding the famous 1990 Gardner Museum art heist, where 13 rare and precious artworks were stolen by two mysterious characters in the middle of the night, could be the handiwork of Whitey Bulger and his crew.

"I'd like to read this book when you're done," I told him. And T delivered. About a week or so later, the book was on my desk. It took me a while to pick it up and actually start reading it, but when I did I couldn't put it down. I was hooked. There are so many people in the world who are today, still trying to solve the famous and elusive Gardner Museum heist. There are people who dedicated their life's work to trying to figure it out, and those who've died trying. But this salacious tale is about so much more than crime, and recently I find myself wanting to learn more and more about Isabella Stewart Gardner and her art.

I have never been to the Gardner Museum in Boston. I read the book in late November of last year and then decided to take trip to the museum. I learned that it was closed until January 2012, when it would be reopening with a grand new wing. The grand opening is next weekend I'm looking forward to spending an entire day immersing myself in every aspect the museum has to offer. Like a true art lover, I wasn't wasn't aware of the impact this story would have on me until it was presented before me. But of the countless, precious artworks housed inside the museum, some of some of which I have viewed on the museum website and seen in the book, the ones that intrigue me the most are not the precious Vermeer or the Rembrandt that were stolen in 1990. Yes, those works are fascinating, but the ones that I am most looking forward to seeing are the portraits of Mrs. Gardner herself.

Like a book with the last pages having been ripped out, or a movie that I didn't get to finish, I feel the need to be a part of this wonderful place so I can complete the story in my head. Or somewhat complete the story, because until they find the stolen art there will always be a page missing from this script. But I'm looking forward to walking on the same floors that Isabella Stewart Gardner did close to hundred years ago, as she intended me to.

First Impressions That Last A Lifetime

So my friend sent me this and I thought I'd share with you.

Her First Date
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. ! ! They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car,yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

Oh and how did the first date turn out?

He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

Too Real

I dreamt last night that Adrienne and Paul Nassif were overnight guest in my home. That's probably because I watched the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on Bravo before I went to bed. It's quite possible that I dreamt about them because I can most relate to the Nassif's, more than any of the other cast members on the show. They appear to be somewhat grounded, which is more than I can say for some of the other cast members.

Where do I start?

Let's start with Brandi Glanville. Bandi is the ex-wife of scumbag, cheater, actor Eddie Cibrian and the newest member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast. Ever since Cibrian cheated on Brandi with country singer LeeAnn Rimes, his life is pretty much been the toilet. Save for the fact that his new wife LeeAnn's flush with cash, the guy would have no luck it weren't for bad luck. There's no denying that Brandi is smokin' hot! But on the end of "smoking hot" I feel I have to add "skank". I'm sorry, but the chick's a skank and there's really no better adjective to describe her. I also think she's using drugs more than frequently, a fact that she does not try to hide. But dang, I got a give her credit, I want to have her body when I come back in another life.

Then there's Kyle and Kim. Two sisters who are the blood related Aunts to Paris Hilton. At one time, in her youth, Kim was Disney royalty, but like most child stars, her fall from grace has been hard to say the least. Kim's a train wreck. She's so obviously abusing substances, that it's almost wrong to watch on television. The excuses, the lies, the lateness and the disappointment that her family endures is hardly tolerable. Knowing now that Kim has entered a rehab facility makes watching this take place even more poignant. Kyle keeps needling Kim and Kim keeps disappointing Kyle and everyone else. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's going on here. Yet the entire cast only hints about the fact that something is wrong and they continue on with their scripted shooting schedule, so that everyone can make a paycheck.

The tragic figure of the entire cast is Taylor whose husband Russell committed suicide just days before September 5 Real Housewives of Beverly Hills television preview. That's too Real. These are real people dealing with real issues that are both serious and tragic. Last night we saw Taylor in the throes of the aftermath of the end of her marriage. Even her therapist told her to get out. He came right out and said, "You can't live like this any longer. It's time to make some tough decisions." We now know the result of that marital breakup; Russell suicide. There were allegations that some serious physical and mental abuse was taking place and there is a child involved.

The stuff is all too Real.

And we watch their lives play out in front of us on television for our personal entertainment. TV executives who exploit these characters and give them a vehicle to showcase their drama make millions and become celebrities themselves because they make Real their business.

I feed right into that business. I buy what they're selling hook, line, and sinker because we, as a whole, LOVE to watch. My dad always says," If you lived in a cul-de-sac and brought all of your problems into the center in a trash bag, then you put that trash bag into the middle with everyone else's problems; you'd sure as shit pick up your own problems and run." I think the Nassif family is benefiting from this way of thinking.

Because like the MTV show that trail blazed the way for all others always said, "to find out what happens... when people stop being polite... and start getting real"

I Was Just Thinking....

Is it just me or did Beyoncé have the shortest pregnancy in the history of the universe? I mean, didn't she like, just announce her pregnancy at the VMA awards? I think that was in September and if she was three months pregnant at the time, that would make her eight months pregnant now. Is there some super expensive, Fast Lane, Fast Pass sort of VIP baby delivery ticket that you can buy that the general public doesn't know about? Cause I'm thinking thats how Beyoncé delivered a baby on Saturday. And in record time. (no pun intended) I read this morning that they rented out an entire floor in the Lenox Hill Hospital in New York with a price tag of $1.4 million for the delivery. Evidently this is how the rich and famous give birth these days.


It's a My Tommy, Tim Tebow match up for Saturday and are you ready for some football? I feel good about this one and I think it's going to be a great game. I might be a little worried, though. Even though Tommy and the Pats handled Tim and the Broncos with no problem on week 15, and I think they will again on Saturday, I think Tim Tebow is Jesus's homeboy. I'm just sayin, the kid's got momentum and the good Lord on his side. That can't hurt when you're playing football. I still predict that the Patriots will prevail because I believe in My Tommy.

I discovered this weekend that I'm a hard-core foodie. I love to read about food. I love to cook food. I love to eat food. My favorite magazines are Rachel Ray Every Day and the Food Network Magazine. I spent several hours organizing my magazines, compiling new recipes and reading new recipes on Sunday. I don't throw out my food magazines, I file them away by month and year so that I can refer back to them when I need to. Doesn't this sound slightly obsessive? The fact that I start every day thinking about what's for dinner may be an indication of how important food is in my life.

I also discovered this weekend that I'm going blind as a bat. (are bats really blind?) I find myself wearing of my reading glasses more and more frequently. Take for example that while I was going through all of my recipes and magazines I was wearing my reading glasses. When I took them off I found it harder and harder to focus on any type of print in front of me, i.e: my cell phone. It's like going from regular TV to HD. It wasn't that long ago that I used to brag about how great my eyesight was, but just this year that all changed and quickly. Dang, getting old sucks. Oh well, if you know anything about me, you know that I now have 6000 stylish pairs of reading glasses and that I turned being "vision challenged" into a fashion triumph. The Candy Bar is a proud distributor of Eyebobs.


I have some exciting new goals for 2012, some of which will be announced right here, on The Daily Dandy. So stay tuned, you hear?

Freaky Friday

You'll go mad for these deals.

So it's Friday bloggers, and that means it's time to get your freak on!

I'm thinking of going to see," The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I hated the book, and just couldn't get through it but everybody says that you need to force your way through the first few chapters. Duh? Why would I want to read a book that I have to force my way through the first few chapters? So, I think I'll go see the movie first and then decide whether or not I want to force my way through the first few chapters and complete the book.

And speaking of freaky, this kind of freak is the funniest freak I have seen in a while. The audio here could be considered NSFW, so be forewarned.

Enjoy and make sure you get your freak on this weekend bloggers!

Got Commercial?

So I spent half of the morning searching for a STUPID commercial on YouTube that I saw about business that totally reminded me of myself. I wanted to share it with you today so that I could cheap out on a quick post and finish my year end stuff, inventory and taxes for 2012 and at least give a legit excuse for said cheap post.

Like I got nothing better to do??

Now, completely frustrated, this made me laugh so I'm posting it instead. AND I have no audio, so I have to post it then play it on my iPhone to get the audio.

And it probably wasn't worth it.

Positive Affirmation

Today is kind of a big day for Frick.

So I just text her, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important."

I want my children to always remember this, and I want to tell them this as much as possible because positive affirmation mixed together with love can convey a powerful message. It's a life strategy that can manifest wonderful things.

My mom always told me that there was nothing I couldn't accomplish if I put my mind to it.
And I believed her.
She told me repeatedly, and she also told me that if I didn't reach for the stars, someone else would.
And I believed her.

It's so simple, really, but it holds so much power.

Stuart Smalley thinks so too.

Candy Makes A Dandy Swami

So, I have to have the world's WORST newspaper delivery guy. Seriously, the guy delivers the paper whenever he feels like it, wherever he feels like it, and on Sunday morning, my newspaper arrives around 10 am. Long story short, he didn't deliver it today early enough for my schedule, so I had to use my iPad to get my morning news. (oh the horror! I roll old school on very few things, but my morning newspaper is one of them)

Anyway, I caught this site that had some useless, celebrity news videos and I saw a couple of people making predictions for the 2012 year. I decided to try my hand at Swami, and make some Dandy predictions of my own. I never claimed to be clairvoyant or even close, so someday I'll have to check back to see how I did. Here they are in no particular order:

Candy's Dandy 2012 Predictions:

1. Mitt Romney will defeat Barak Obama for the Presidency of the United States. Yup, I just see it, like you know how you visualize winning a race or scoring a goal? I just see Mitt as our next leader of the free world. This is by no means an endorsement of any candidate or political party by Candy's Daily Dandy. This is just a feeling, a hunch and I could totally be wrong.


2. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will get married. This one's kind of a no brainer. I'm not the smartest or most incredible swami for making this prediction, I'm just a mother and a woman and right around, kind of, the same, not exactly but sort of the same age as the Hollywood power couple. Since they have 6 kids together and family is their number one priority, the next logical and romantic step is to make it legal. Really, who are they going to move onto? Both are the top of their demographic when it comes to picking a partner of the opposite sex, so it only makes sense. Plus, there is nothing more romantic or fulfilling. Again, just my opinion.


3. Over sized glasses will be all the rage. Take my advice here, and buy a pair of over sized sun glasses, but the real fire will spread with over sized reading and eye glasses. The bigger the better. Geek is chic and big, geeky, nerdy glasses will make a huge fashion statement in 2012. You know how I know? They are hot all over Europe in 2011 and we follow suit.


4. Robert DeNiro will make a huge Hollywood comeback as Bernie Madoff. DeNiro's Production company, Tribeca Films, will produce the film as HBO bought the rights to the Madoff Family's Book, "Truth and Consequences: Life Inside The Madoff Family". Written by Ruth Madoff, Andrew Madoff and Andrew's fiancee, Catherine Hooper. I venture to guess that there isn't a person out there who isn't curious about this story, and this predictions about DeNiro. It should be released by year's end, so DeNiro will have at Oscar in 2013.


5. Ok, so I'm going out on a limb here, but it's no fun otherwise. AND you know that I truly believe this: The New England Patriots will defeat The New Orleans Saints to win Super Bowl XLVI in 2012. Yup, they just may be on their way to peaking right now, and just in the nick of time. I may be off about the Super Bowl opponent, so if it's not the Saints, it's going to be the Packers. Even though the Pats have serious, serious issues on defense, and they can't afford to fall behind more than two scores with either of these teams in the beginning of the game, we have Tommy. He's the best in the business and he knows how to get it done. And he will. Also, My Tommy is the MVP of Super Bowl XLVI.

So there you have it bloggers!

Not a big stretch of the imagination, but my predictions nonetheless. I guess you could say I have now gone on record.

Happy 2012

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.

'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.

'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.

'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.



http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/christmas/new_year.htm