1000 Things I Need To Say

Somewhere along the way in this crazy, fast paced thing I like to call my life, I let a little milestone pass without proper fanfare. And the funny thing is, I just kind of noticed it all nonchalant and then it hit me. I reached 1000 posts. One thousand posts on Candy's Daily Dandy!!! To date, this will now be 1016 posts.

Maybe now Cinemax, HBO or Showtime will come a calling and turn my blog into a fabulous series starring Sarah Jessica Parker as me!!! Right? Turn a dream into reality. Just sayin and dreamin..There can't be only one Candace in the world that's a famous writer. One can only hope.

Anyway, 1000 posts comprises the largest body of my work to date. Some of it complete crap, some of it brilliant, some of it hilarious and some of it poignant and somber. I've shared with you my life, my kids life, my crazy family moments my childhood, my friends and general trivia, news and junk that no one really cares about except maybe us. And let's not forget the comments!! Bloggers, you never cease to make me laugh out loud, cry, and think and inspire me to keep going every day. For you and your loyalty I am grateful. Without you it wouldn't be nearly as rewarding. Heck, Heff, Scope and Zibsy, you all made it into my children's toast at our wedding. Really. I've never met any of you, yet you are all an important part of my life. Thanks for coming along for this crazy ride.

And this crazy ride, so far, has been....one of the greatest things I have ever done. (besides Frick and Frack) My blog is right up there with my favorite things in life. And you are all a big part of it, and for that I thank you and I love you and I am eternally grateful that you take a moment out of your busy day to see what kind of Dandy Candy has to share today.

I'm gonna keep on sharing little Candy Dandy's Daily and I hope you all will keep coming.

1000 Thank you's just doesn't quite seem enough, because I get so much more from all of you.

I Was Just Thinking..

It would seem to me that as a society, we are all obsessed with the concept of an upgrade. Onto bigger and better things, so out with the old and in with the new. But is the new always the better option?

• Technology says yes. Newer phones with the latest technology that are quicker, clearer and thinner than their older counterparts who just can't compete create a societal frenzy. If the lines of people camped outside the Apple store in all kinds of weather don't speak volumes about our voracity for upgraded technology, I don't know what does.  It's a techie's wet dream of being the first to own the newest in the industry. 
• Jewelry. They say that diamonds are a girl's best friend, so who doesn't want a bigger, brighter version of our very good friend? On second thought, maybe not everyone needs bigger, but if offered the opportunity to own a more valuable gem or stone, you'd be hard pressed to find someone to say "no thanks".

The question still begs..Is it always better? Is an upgrade a better grade of life? 

• Weary traveler's say yes. A first class seat airline seat is bigger, softer, roomier and comes with a better meal with a more attentive waitress than it's coach counterpart. Does that mean that there's also an upgrade of people in first class?
• Academic papers that are "upgraded" may be the only exception to the question at hand. An upgrade on any academic work is always a good thing.

But when it comes to the people in our lives, the concept of an "upgrade" is fuzzy at best. Can one really "upgrade" the old ball and chain? Can you actually replace a person with a newer version of the same person? I guess you'd have to ask Hugh Hefner. It would seem that he has perfected the art of "upgrading" his women. It's a funny dinner party joke with your friends, to kid about "upgrading" your spouse, but in truth I would guess that most people would rather not. In fact, I think most people who tend to poke fun at the concept of replacing one person with another "newer" version know exactly what it means. 

It means they know for certain that for them, there is no better grade. 

It's Just My Bag

I've always been obsessed with bags. I love all kinds of bags; handbags, totes, backpacks, clutch bags, you name it and I've got it and chances are I own it in almost every color, size shape and fabric. So it should come as no surprise to you that I sell all kinds of bags at The Candy Bar. This being my first few months of selling accessories, I wanted to conduct a survey of sorts to find out the buying habits of women and their bags so I can better buy for The Candy Bar.

Women carry handbags for a plethora of reasons, but nothing is more recognizable as a symbol of style and status than a woman's handbag. There are those like me who get all giddy with pleasure at the sight of a new, gorgeous bag. There are thousands of websites and blogs devoted to everything and anything handbag related. The building above is designed to look like a handbag and it houses the Simone Handbag Museum in Seoul, South Korea. A testament to architecture or fashion? A testament to the love of a woman's constant companion, her handbag.

To my blogger buddies, I ask you to do the following: Ask your wives, girlfriends, friends, significant others the following questions and respond. If you are out there reading this, and you don't have a blogger account, email me your answers. I want to know what women want, think and need when it comes to a handbag purchase.


1. Do you buy designer handbags or are you a bargain handbag shopper?

2. What is the price point you consider to be "expensive"? What is the price point you consider to be "reasonable"?

3. Do you prefer a tote or a more structured handbag?

4. Do fabrics and colors factor in you purchase?

5. Do you buy always handbag for yourself or have you received one as a gift that you liked and used?

6. How many handbags would you say that you have in your closet? Which is your go to bag?

7. If you are going to spend over $500.00 on a bag, will it be a designer with a recognizable logo?


And in case you were wondering, all handbags at The Candy Bar are currently 30-50% off the original price.

Bad Joke Friday

Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas party. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party.

As bad as he as feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.

And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotlessly clean.

So was the rest of the house. He took the aspirins, and cringed when he saw a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he noticed a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

“Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!”

He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating.

Jack asked, “Son, what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 A.M, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??

His son replied, “Oh THAT! Mum dragged you to the bathroom to clean you up, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone b*tch, I’m married!

Baby It's Cold Outside

So I built my house precisely 13 years ago. At the time I was a bright eyed, young ingenue with nothing but hope and pride for my new project. I had a great general contractor and a great architect and I was able to incorporate some fabulous design elements into the home. We sub-contracted everything out, so I was mulling over every bid for every job daily. It was a wonderful experience.

Did I mention that I was young and bright eyed?

Ya, cuz they saw me coming a mile away...I'm talking about my Viessman heating system. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't say I wasn't smart, I just said I was young and hopeful. At the time I chose the Viessmann European system, I had done my research. It was the newest, brightest, most energy efficient system money could buy and I drank the Viesmann Kool Aid heartily. When my shiny new system was installed into my fabulous new home I practically patted myself on the back!

If I remember correctly, it wasn't until the second or third year I began to run into some serious problems with my Golden Boy system.

• Problem: When the temps outside reach epic numbers, ie: -Minus Zero or above 100 degrees, the system struggles to keep up with the demand. And I mean struggles. 
• Problem: The original guy that installed it quickly went away...he closed up shop and moved to God knows where, leaving me to find a new repair service. Easy enough right? Wrong. I cant tell you how UN-funny it is to have service company after service company tell me, "Golly gee lady, that boiler sure is pur-tee, but I reckon I ain't knowin how 'ter fix it."

Long story short, about 9 years ago I found a company that works with the system. They have only one guy that works with Viessman, and he comes to my home twice a year to maintain my unit. 95 percent of the time I am in good shape, but the other 5 percent is a bitch and only happens when the temps get extreme. Like this past week in frigid cold temps.

Efficient my ass...

Tell that to the pockets of cold areas in my house. 

PT Barnum would have LOVED me......

My Tommy Laid An Egg

I'm SO over it...

Athletes, Football, The AFC and Faith

On this day of football,
we look upon ourselves,
Think of those whom we love,
and know by which we play for.

God grant us victory,
As we come to battle...
We fight to win.



I watched the Oprah Interview with Lance Armstrong late into the night last night and I came away with an uneasy feeling. The man appeared uncomfortable, smug at times, remorseful at times, incredulous and groveling. I'm not sure what to think. I do know firsthand, that liars believe their own lies. The lies become truths to them and that's how they get away with it. Not for long because Karma is a fierce mistress and she will make you pay.

I did find him to be quite physically appealing, and I'm not talking about attraction or sexual desire (I will save all of that for the man pictured above) I'm talking about his physicality. Lance is the epitome of an athletic specimen, chemically enhanced or not and I couldn't help but be distracted by his chiseled facial structure, and his defined cheekbones. (I just want to highlight and contour that face)

The point is, it's easy to see how he used his physicality and his cunning to get those around him to drink the Lance Kool-Aid. And they did, and now that the jig is up, they are all coming clean. Lance had that invincible "athlete" mentality that Tiger Woods and Roger Clemens so famously choked on too. He then got greedy and says that none of this would have happened if he had not decided on the come back. An intriguing interview at best and the greatest infomercial ever invented for the OWN Network.

Which brings me to football.

I'm not feeling any swagger, making any predictions or talking any trash. I'm grateful to the man above, (My Tommy) for the luxury of  being able to keep watching Patriots football in mid January. I have faith in my team and I have enjoyed every second of this pro football in the NFL at Foxboro's Gillette Stadium ride. I pray that Tommy never has to sit down with Oprah for anything other than to discuss his Hall of Fame NFL career.

Let's just take it one game at a time.  Good Luck. Go Pats!

"Aint Nobody Got Time For Dat!"

Check this out!

It's hilarious!! I guess sister Sweet Brown is a real internet sensation now, judging from the response this piece got. Good for her, cuz I'm sure she got plenty of time for dat!

I'm thinking her porn name could be Cinnamon too...

Bunch Of Blondies

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


http://www.ahajokes.com/blo055.html

Cinnamon Says...

Listen honey:

•  “I also didn’t get the acting nomination. I noticed no one was saying I was snubbed there!” Ben Affleck said after the press asked him how he felt about the Best Director Oscar snub.  I love that! Sexy Bostonian.

• Watched "Seal Team Six" last night. Interesting, powerful and somewhat hard to believe? Two of the actors are from TV shows that I used to watch, and I found that to be distracting. I am embarrassed to admit that missed the most important part! I fell asleep before they executed mission. I'm just an old bag. Good thing it's a two-day rental. I'm going to watch the last 25 mins tonite.

• Oprah talked to Lance...Did she make him cry? I'm especially intrigued. Although I think Babs (Barbara Walters) would have been a better interview.

• What you say? Facebook is expected to make a big announcement today. I'm waiting with bated breath. Even still, I sold my stock yesterday...Is it a smart phone? A search engine? Will it be revolutionary  Life changing? Industry transforming? Should I buy again? 

• Going to my second straight AFC Championship game on Sunday in Foxboro and I'm cautiously optimistic. Just sayin..

• Pannini's for dinner tonite!! Aren't I a fun mom? I got a Pannini maker from Santa and I'm using it tonite. Minestrone soup too!

If I Were A Porn Star...

I'd attend the Porn Golden Globes looking like THIS..... she looked flawless.

So, if I were a porn star my name would be??? Ever wonder what yours would be???? Cmon, you know you have...

I was out some friends and we played this game, and it was hilarious!

Ready?

Your porn name is comprised of:

• your middle name
• the name of the street you grew up on 

Mine? 

Ann Woodridge

Not very sexy. So if you choose to go with  just a single Porn name as a headliner instead, go to the spice cabinet and count the third spice in:

My spice name is AWESOME!

Cinnamon...

Hell yeah, spicy and  sexy! I'll take Cinnamon any day.

What is yours? 

I cant wait for this. It's gonna be good...

Friday Freakfest

Hey Peeps! It's Friday and it's been a while since I've done a Freaky Friday Wally World Wacko's edition on The Daily Dandy, so lets see what we've been missing shall we?

Away we go!

He's kinda cute... and I applaud his use of neons! He's right in the height of fashion because the wedge never goes out of style. Let's hope he can pick out the perfect shade to compliment his ensemble.

Actually, I'm kinda pissed about this one. OK, so shes's too big to be wearing those shorts. OK, but this is the US of A and our forefathers fought so that we could have certain freedoms and wearing shorts with your fat ass hanging out, if you so choose, is one of them.So check out the lady taking the picture in the rear view mirror...and the kid in the back seat. Way to go lady. Teach your kid about kindness and compassion instead.

I call bullshi* on this one.... Really? Cmon, there's no way this dude does NOT know that his ass crack is showing!!! Feel the draft? A true BUTT head, indeed.

I need to present every side to an argument. Looks like our forefathers fought so that hookers could dress they way they wanted too also...

These ladies are fresh off the Butlik groupie tour bus. Restocking the necessary refreshments..

And finally...another great example of outstanding parenting. Yes son, your daddy loves strippers and he wants the entire world to know it.

Well all I can say is this Bloggers, have a great weekend and try to stay off the pole.

Peace!

Someone Needs A "Little" Anger Management?

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend" I know this "little person" with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I'm sending him over." 

The little person arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.

"A female horth," the little person replies. So the owner shows him one.

" Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?" So the owner picks up the little person and shows him the horses mouth.

" Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the little person and shows the eyes.

" Ok, what about the earsth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the little person one more time and shows the ears.

" OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat," said the little person. With that, the owner picked up the little person and shoved his head up the horse's twat, then pulled him out.Shaking his head, the little person says, 

"Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!"




http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/16aw28/this_is_why_midgets_with_lisps_dont_buy_horses/

The Kohl Truth

Sorry about yesterday Bloggers! I left for NYC on Sunday for a buying trip and got back late last night.

Being in the city energizes my business sense and gives me lots of mojo to move forward with plans. I love the buzz of the industry. Being around vendors, craftsman and industry sales people is invigorating and optimistic for a business owner like myself. I met a woman there who forecasts industry trends and we talked a bit about keeping up with the curve in fashion. That whole idea of a "think tank" is soo interesting to me. What if they are wrong? Do they get fired? The fashion and beauty world is so fickle. Things can change in an instant.

The best thing about the trip was that Frick came with me! I LOVED showing her every little aspect of the business and she mopped it up like a Bounty paper towel on a kitchen counter. ( I told her that when I write my book, she will HAVE to star in the movie. Who else could it be??) So the plan was to stay at my best friend's apartment Sunday night and come home Monday. Frick (who is on Winter break until Jan26th) had to stop by her dorm on third to pick up something and while we were there the security guard asked us if we were, "spending the night?"

"We can do that?" I asked.
"You paid for it, didn't you?" her said.
"Yes, I did," I responded.
"You can do that anytime. Lots of parents do. The student just has to sign you in overnight."

So guess what we did?

We stayed overnight in her dorm! It was just her and I and it was a blast!! I would have never done it if school was in session and her roommates were there, but seeing as it was just me and Frick? Hell yes!

We were exhausted from a long day on Sunday, so we had dinner nearby and came back and watched the best, female bonding movie ever made. Bridesmaids.

This has to be our favorite scene:
This is Annie after a roofie, and you may want to keep the volume down a bit if you are at WORK. Kristen Wiig, you are a genius!!!

Cand-nac The Magnificent

OK, so I stole the name from the late great Johnny, so lets hope the spirit of the late, great, Carnac the Magnificent is with me today when I make my predictions for 2013.

Lets start at the top shall we? This is an easy one and I've got a 50-50 shot here, so I'm going with my gut...

1. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will have a...BOY! Just a hunch here, but I'm thinking boy. I was right about My Tommy and Giselle and baby Vivian Lake, so maybe I'm good at this. I'm thinking Kimmy K isn't showing yet, and her face and body don't look different yet, so I say its a boy. Girls take over like little aliens and change you all up when you are carrying them, and Kim  looks like could have held out on the announcement for a while longer. And she's three months along. I'll be keeping a tight watch on her face, if it changes and she starts to look like shit, GIRL. I also predict that Klohe and Lamar will finally get preggers this year too.

2. The US economy will continue its climb upward. Wishful thinking, really. But I am a retailer and I'm watching people spend money (in an affluent community) and I'm thinking that things are looking up. Consumer confidence is creeping back, and I'm hoping that the jobless rate goes creeping down. A bold prediction here, considering that the retail numbers rose at a mere 0.7% for the 2012 Christmas season and was the weakest rise since 2008. I'm still going to predict a better economic climate and the US Stock market to continue to regain it's strength. Today's Dow number is at 13 thousand, just two thousand off it's all time high at 15 thousand back in 2007.

3. NHL Hockey will not have a 2012-2013 season. Greed, greed and more greed will keep the two sides from reaching an agreement by Jan 11th in order for a Jan 19th- 48 game season to be played.. And here's the kicker...NO ONE will care. For us hockey fans out there, we are beyond disgusted by yet another standoff  and if they loose the fan's interest, they will loose the sponsors interest and that ever important sponsor dollar. Not to mention the network air time and network dollars. If life goes on much longer without NHL hockey, I fear that the fans will loose interest and the game, already an underdog in the network money game, and will be in danger of  never coming back from it. GET IT TOGETHER GUYS!

4. Ben Affleck will win an Oscar for Argo. Since I have yet to see the film, I'm not quite sure if it will be for acting or directing or BOTH, so I'm going to predict at least one more statuette for Ben to bring home for  his latest, Argo.

5. I'm not going to do what I did last year and jinx the shit outta my boys, so I'm just going to predict that a certain team from a certain place will make it to New Orleans on Feb 3, 2012, and that  same certain team will WIN the big kahuna in all sports. If you know anything about me, you will be able to fill in the blanks here.


That's it blooggers! Lets see how I did in about 363 days from now.

New Year, New You

If it's true that everyone gets to start anew at some point in their lives, today would be the some point.

Kicking off a new year brings with it hope and excitement and the permission to shrug off the regret and the dread of things we can't control. Today is like a new box of Crayola crayons; untouched.

Observations on 2013:

• I'm older and much wiser. Like it or not this is me and I've decided that me looks good on me. I'm going to rock it. 
• 13 is NOT an unlucky number. My girl Frick was born on the 13th and she has brought me nothing but joy and luck ever since. 2013 is going to be a great year. 
• Change is good and necessary. It may not always be easy, but its usually a good bet.
• Reflection and planning is key to life's successes. Take a moment today to write down 5 things you wish to accomplish or change in 2013. At the end of this year, when you look at them it will be with a much keener sense of self and accomplishment. Who knows? You may not only achieve but surpass those things which you wish for. 

I'll be making my 2013 predictions tomorrow and I'm not quite sure what I will predict yet, but I know I'm looking forward to it. 

Happy New Year and happy new YOU!