Mother Nature Is One Shrewd Bitch

I can't help but giggle. I heard his name is "Dickie".

Hahahaahahahahaha!!!

Time To Change

If you grew up around the same time as I did, you definitely remember the TV show "The Brady Bunch" which was a huge part of my childhood. Now an adult and mother, I recently had occasion to bring one of those legendary episodes to mind. My boy Frack, almost 16 years-old, is currently experiencing an extreme, pubescent changing voice. It would seem that for me, life has imitated art.

It started a few months ago and very slight at first. I would hear the high pitch in his voice when he was talking, but just slightly and only sprinkled in conversation here and there. I even mentioned to him that I thought his voice might be changing, to which he made no comment to confirm it. After spending last week's vacation with the family, we are no longer searching for a cute, minimal pitch change here and there. Frack is in the middle of a full on, four alarm, squeaky, pitchy, voice change.

Frack was having a conversation with my dad, when he tried to casually call his name,

"Pa-PA?" The squeak in his voice, surprising even him.
"What the hell was that?" Frack replied.

We, of course, laughed and offered him our support. Throughout the week, it would pop into conversation. He would stop mid-sentence, revealing his frustration over this inconvenient rite of passage. Now he can't wait for it to be over.

Who really knows for sure how long it will take for the process to complete, but I'm sure Frack will roll with it until then. Just like those crazy Brady's say," it's time to re-arrange who you are into what you're going to be."

Hollywood's Lombardi Trophy

I can't confess to being completely celebrity obsessed and fashion crazed and NOT put my two cents in about last night's Hollywood party of all parties, the Oscars. This is the big kahuna, the Lombardi for Hollywood, the Holy Grail for most recipients and the only place to see and be seen if you are in entertainment.

So much about last night was noteworthy, but here are my observations and in no particular order:

The Awards:

Meryl- How can you even question it? Everybody thought Viola Davis was a lock and then the Iron Lady sweeps in and steals the statue. Meryl (looked stunning for once) is Hollywood royalty and everyone should be in agreement that the Oscar is exactly where it should be. I love her casual elegance. The fact that she is one of the most celebrated and awarded actress today not withstanding, she has managed to have what seems to be, it all. A long marriage, family and a fabulous career. Kudos for a job well done.

Christopher Plummer-The 82 year old accomplished actor finally captured the brass ring. He was quite elegant in his acceptance, and I'm happy that the father from The Sound Of Music can now add Oscar winner to his resume.

Billy Crystal-While I think he played it safe on the telecast, it felt like an old friend was taking us through the motions. His opening sequence, a visual homage to each nominated picture, was comfortably predictable and enjoyable. Billy may not have the pipes to pull that off on Broadway, but it didn't matter. It's Billy and the Oscars. Best line of the night, "There's nothing better than watching millionaires award each other gold statues."

The Fashions:

Gwenneth-It's not that frequent that I have such a visceral reaction to fashion, but she literally took my breath away. Then I learned that her stunning white ensemble was Tom Ford and I understood why I was so touched. He's the King. Pure perfection. I cannot say anything else. Simply stunning.

Jennifer Lopez-No. No, just no. Why? Really? She was the street walker of the night and I hated her hair. Her only redeeming aesthetic was the Scott Barnes Body Bling (which The Candy Bar sells) that she is famous for. Her glow was pure J Lo.

Angelina Jolie-Hmmm, I'm not quite sure here. It was ok, but her ridiculous pose, with her hand on hip and her leg exposed most purposefully was a huge turn off. Ok, so she is the most beautiful woman on the planet and she was beautiful last night for sure, but the problem for me was that the whole pose thing, on stage, made he think that she takes her self and her sex appeal WAY TOO SERIOUS. Huge turn off.

Misc:

Ryan Seacrest-Speaking of taking themselves way too serious, Seacrest beat out Angelina. Sacha Baron Cohen, dressed as his latest movie role, The Dictator, dumped, what was suppose to be the cremains of King Jong II all over the Burberry tuxedo jacket of E!'s Red Carpet host Ryan Seacrest. Ryan just couldn't roll with it. Bizarre, yes. But Seacrest's reaction was embarrassing and down right depressing to witness. Seacrest can probably see to it that Baron Cohen NEVER steps within 500 feet of him again, and that he gets black balled from whatever he wants. Baron Cohen has zero chance of ever hosting ABC's New Years Eve Count down or his own reality TV show on the E! channel. Zero. The whole thing was egg on Seacrests furious face, to say the least.

The Parties-

Wolfgang Puck fed 1500 people at The Govenors Ball and wore a custom designed chef jacket for the event. Rumor has it that his chicken pot pie with truffles was TO DIE FOR.

Miss Piggy was flawless.

I woke up with the name Octavia Spencer on the brain. I guess this lady has arrived.

Hugo won alot of awards. I have had more than a few peole recommend this film to me, so I will now prioritize it on my movie queue. And Scorsese? Not one recipient of a Hugo oscar that did not comment on the great director and what a privilege it was to work with him.

And finally, Cirque du Soleil never disappoints, and they didn't last night. I loved their acrobatic artistry.

It was a great Oscars. Not so boring that I only caught the major awards,and entertaining enough to stay up till 11:30. Then I went to sleep and Hollywood went on to party like a rock star.

Friday Freak-Fest

Hey bloggers! It's Friday and I'm in the mood for some Freaks!!

But before I commence with today's freak show, I have a small order of business.

I will be heading to the North of France...er, um I mean Florida, for a week of fun in the sun. The Daily Dandy will be on hiatus from today, Friday, February 17th until Monday, February 27, 2012, when I will be returning to the bloggersphere.

Now onto today's edition of Friday Freaks! It's our old friends from Wally World and after surveying the photos I got to thinking that there was the distinct possibility that these people were actually TRYING to have their photo make the Peopleofwalmart website.


We'll start with them and you tell me what you think..

Do you think Earl really thinks he's looking hot or do you think Earl lost a bet down at the Knights of Columbus and he had to make good on it?? Whatever the reason, the tragedy here is not the fact that Earl is dressed like a woman. The tragedy here are those white, faux- leather, ruched, thigh high boots. Even a stripper would turn her nose up at those. Poor Earl.

Are they on a religious mission? Or is this a recruiting mission? And why stop in the parking lot of the local Wal Mart? Are they targeting a certain demographic?

You know she was just waiting for someone to ask her about her shirt. You can just tell. Look at the grand way she displays it for all the world to see. I bet her mama be so proud...Now I'm wondering which one she claims to be. Bad or good?

This one just cracked me up. I bet it's a big hit at all the kid's soccer and lacrosse games.

And speaking of crack...no way. There is just no way these guys wear thongs and like showing them off. No way. I think there was a casting call for the peopleofwalmart website and these two showed up and said they would play the gig. There is no other explanation! Unless you have a theory? I'd love to hear it.

That there is some fake-ass, finger tatoo's. How dumb does he think we are? Nobody is that dumb.

I don't think girlfriend here was trying to get her picture taken. I think girlfriend here was trying to get something else...

Pops is wearing his Old Lady's t-shirt. And I hear she's not to be messed with, either.

Now this is truly unfortunate. There comes a time in every woman's life, when she has to consider her attire to be somewhat age appropriate. White trash upbringing aside, if you're wearing a wig, an ill fitting tube top should not be one of your wardrobe choices. EVER.

And finally...I just couldn't resist. Hot dang! Pimp daddy and his main lady. They be trippin' together.

Have a great week bloggers!

Behave and try not to have your picture taken at the local WalMart.

Today's Special: Guerlain Product Haul

Great deals on popular titles like People magazine.

It's very rare that I get sucked in at the beauty counters in the department stores, as I own so much more make up than is humanly possible AND, I do what these ladies do, all day, every day.

Being a shopper, I touch and feel and smell and try everything and occasionally I'll ask for help. I usually end up buying something, but the woman at the Guerlain counter was good. Real good, cuz she sucked me right in and I bought it all. Kudos to her for a job well done.
I always purchase lip gloss, Let's just say that's usuall where I start and then I work my way around the line. The Terracotta lip glosses are amazing! Lightweight, sheer and pretty; these are exactly what I like in a gloss. Pair this gloss with your favorite lip pencil and the result is a soft, sexy lip. It's scent is devine too!

OMG! This is just about the best product I have seen in a while. Inspired by Guerlain's Vol de Nuit perfume, this fragranced loose powder has a subtle irridescent shimmer that can be applied to face, neck and body for a sexy all over shine, and the bottle is pretty too.

This is by far my favorite product in the haul. I didn't even want it, but the girl convinced me that this was "the best mascara" so being curious, I had to buy it and try it. She was right! At $50.00 a pop, this lengthening and lifting formula does just that. It lifts and separates each lash and give your lashes a full, dark and sexy look. The case is a work of art in itself, mirrored for easy application, and get this: it is refillable! Refills are $26.00. It really has everything one needs for dramatic eyes.

Guerlain Meteorites Cruel Gardenia Illuminating Powder. This soft to the touch powder almost feels like a cream, but goes on with a soft powder look. It brightens and highlights cheeks, eyes and face with a soft and subtle illumination that catches the light just right. I apply this beauty last, over everyting on cheeks and eyes for a fantastic glow.

The Sugar Shack

So are we to believe that Sugar could possibly love anyone but herself?? After the buildup of the spoiled, off pitch, silly, dimly lit, daddy's little rich girl that we have seen in recent episodes? Now she's cute and happy and loving and everyone's sweetheart? Huh?

I am truly mystified. Mystified that my favorite show could produce such a BOMB, like last night's episode. The only redeeming thing about last night were Sugar's numerous Valentines Day inspired fashions...and even that's going out on a limb. After many seasons of waiting, we finally get to see Rachel's "dad's", and they are even more ridiculous than I could have imagined. (although, Jeff Goldblum really plays a spot on, gay man) and their story line left me in doubt of where this is all going.

So when in doubt, we still have the music.

"L.O.V.E."-Mike Chang sings...and dances! This cute little montage with Tina and Mike served to highlight the ridiculous love triangle of Sugar/Artie/Rory. I say ridiculous because two episodes ago, didn't Sugar tell Artie he wasn't her type. "Your handicapped and I'm able. We'd look weird together." I guess we weren't supposed to remember that.

"Let Me Love You"-Artie, he of the best pipes on the show, slayed this tune and thank goodness. Because it served as the special elixir that made Sugar fall for him and look past his handi-disability. Good for him. The boys coming in and serving as backup made this one even more enjoyable.

"Stereo Hearts"-Sam, Quinn, Mercedes and new comer Joe (The Glee Project's co-winner, Samuel Larsen) The God Squad group decides to fund raise by doing singing Valentines for students at McKinnley. While the new kid looks like a dread-locked version of Jesus, he's got chops and I love this ensemble production of the song.

"Home"-Rory, seemingly tells a fib about his student Visa expiring at the end of the school year and belts out this bomb. While his vocals were good, for me this rendition of the song brought the whole mood down and put a damper on the happy little Valentine vibe. The good news is, it worked and Rory won over Sugar, as she asked him to be her date to her party at Breadstix.

"I Will Always Love You"-Mercedes, true to her diva-licious form, nailed this Whitney Houston classic. Appropriate for the episode ,but eerily impeccably timed to air so soon after Houston's untimely death. Was it just me, or did Mercedes version pop in and out of HD and seem sloppily edited in comparison with the rest of the show? I was thinking that it was hastily added, to seem as if it were always part of the script. Just a theory. Conspiracy theory's aside, this is My Download Pick Of the Week for obvious reasons, and she did one hell of a job singing it.

"Cherish"/"Cherish"-Sam, Joe, Quinn and Mercedes sing to Brittnay and Santana for all the same sex couples out there. While I love this mash up, I can't help but hope that the creators of Glee don't ruin a perfectly innocent love between two girls by "militantly" shoving it in our faces. I love the fact that Santana and Brittnay are a couple and in love, but I wish they would lay off Santana's angry lesbian vibe a bit and stop pushing the two girls kissing envelope. Even if it is a Valentines episode.

"Love Shack"-Blaine is BACK! Thank God, because I couldn't stand one more minute of a Blaine-less Glee episode. With Mercedes, Brittnay, Rachel and Kurt as back up, this one manages to give new life to the old party anthem. Let's touch a bit here on the creepy Karofsky/Kurt story line, now that Karofsky has professed his love to Kurt with "secret admirer" Valentines he mistook to be from Blaine. It's not working for me. At. All.

Good, bad and ugly, that's what it was for me last night. But if we are talking about love, which we are, I'm giving Glee the benefit of the doubt, all in the name of love.

Who Is Smarter Than A Second Grader?

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd Grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.