Would it be considered "over parenting"? Lately I have been guilty of taking on the problems of my grown, somewhat adult children? This is a new sensation to me because in the years leading up to now, it was my JOB to take on the problems of my kids. Now that Frick and Frack are 20 and 19 respectively and out of the house, I find myself obsessing over the silly little day to day stuff that they complain about which really has nothing to do with me.
For God's sake wouldn't you think I have better things to worry about??
Yet here I am worrying and thinking about their small stuff. Things like social issues, romance issues, the influence of peer pressure, academic pressure and I worry that they are unequipped to deal with these things. Despite my worry, they seem to be handling the world without me just fine, and its not like I am constantly calling them or texting with my advice. I silently think about their stuff and find myself wondering how they may have handled a situation, ever careful not to let on that I have been worrying about it. Sometimes I think I worry about their crap more than they do.
I finally realized that despite what I think, my children are equipped to handle these minor navigations through their lives. Dare I say it, it's probably good for them to handle these things alone, even though I don't want to admit it. I have taught them well. Then it dawned on me-maybe they are happy? Maybe something that I may not agree with was actually born out of a choice. A choice that they made for themselves to keep their lives in harmony. After all, it is their life to lead.
It's never easy, this parenting thing, is it? But I realize that no matter what I'm not going to change who I am. I just have to learn to let them be who they are. If they want my advice, they'll ask for it and I will be ready and waiting to give it. Yes, hard as it is I'm going to have to learn to keep my mouth shut when it comes to my kids and their small stuff.
Whether I like it or not.
As a mother of a soon to be 30-year-old, you never stop worrying about your children and the small stuff in their lives. I try to remember how my own mother handled this and for the most part she stayed out of my business, and was genuinely happy to talk with me whether it had been only a day or as long as a week since we spoke.
ReplyDeleteThere is a saying though that I think about that helps me stop the constant "trying to come up with a perfect solution to solve all the problems in their world"...and that is "Not my circus...Not my monkeys". Plainly put, you stop thinking about their problems pretty quickly.
With a fairly sheltered 18 year old heading off to college soon, this is a scary post.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure they're luck to have you fussing over them. And I bet they appreciate it.
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