Wedded bliss. A celebration of love. Weddings are a huge day in the life of two people who pledge to unite in love forever. Guest come and wish the couple well with toasts that bestow wisdom and blessings. It is a cause for celebration and a memory for the ages. Yes, marriage can be a great send off to the rest of your life.
But what if it's not what you thought it was going to be? What happens when-you know- like you know deep in the pit of your soul- that the decision to marry is not right? And you confide your fears to people you love and trust, listen to their advice, then convince yourself that you are doing it for all the right reasons. Because you convince yourself that you can't get out of it. Then what? Do you then become a statistic? And the "how long is this gonna last?" pool begins amongst your closest allies. Sorry, but we all saw this coming a mile away.
What happens when you cry, like a lot? And you are really not into the whole planning thing and you start drinking, like a lot, and lounging on the sofa way too long and sort of give up. It's probably a warning sign that this "wedding thing" is not for you. Is there pressure from your partner? From your family? Financial obligations involved in the wedding? I'm thinking you gotta play the "in the long run" game. What stings now will soon heal. And believe me-you are not the first one to feel this way. I looked this whole phenomenon up today and the best quote I read was, "If you have to ask the question, 'Should I be getting married?', I think you know what the answer is."
Weddings are not for the faint of heart and quite possibly not for you.
At this time.....
During my years as an active minister, I officiated over 100 weddings. During the premarital counseling that preceded each wedding, I would point out to couple that there was a 50% chance than anyone married today would be divorced within 7 years. The primary purpose of premarital counseling was to increase the chances that they would not be among the divorced statistics.
ReplyDeleteShit i just asked my divorce attorney who had been made a judge to officiate, invited a bunch of friends to bring their musical instruments with them, rented the basement of a Jewish temple and did it. 25 years this year and no we won't celebrate shit because we'd have to pay for that party too and I lost touch with the band. *shrug* I think it's best not to think about "should i or not."
ReplyDeleteGot fully screwed 3 years after the first one and ain't complaining now.
What's the old joke?
ReplyDeleteQ - Why are divorces so expensive?
A - 'Cuz they're worth it!
I'm rapidly approaching 4 years married. Never asked the question. Didn't need to. Still on my honeymoon.
Hope whoever needed to read this read it, though.
I think too many of us chalk it up to pre-wedding jitters and blow off the intuitive feeling in your gut that it's not right to proceed. My first marriage was exactly that way. I knew - KNEW- that I should NOT be getting married, even as I walked down the isle. Seven years later I found out my husband was gay. Biggest MISTAKE of my life not to listen to my instincts.
ReplyDeleteI've now been married to my second husband for 24 years and have never once questioned it, regretted it or looked back. In fact it only gets better each day. And, I knew the minute I laid eyes on him that he was my forever love.
I wished someone would have stopped me the first time, but so many people stand back and say it isn't their business to get involved. Also I was pretty young and didn't know better to ask someone for help, or probably listen to them if they did.
First time I got married, it was a disaster from the reception to the whole six months it lasted.
ReplyDeleteSecond time I made sure, very sure. And things are going good.