A note from the editor: I apologize ahead for today's content as it may offend some readers. My bad. As Forrest Gump somewhat said, "Candys Daily Dandy is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
My cousin told me a funny story the other day about her son and Disney World. Seems the famliy was enjoying a wonderful afternoon at the Most Magical Place On Earth. They had gone into one of the hotels for a character dinner and after the meal they stopped at the hotel game room for a rousting game of air hockey.
Evidently the food did not agree with her son because things were going great until...it happened...that dastardly little party crasher....THE SHART reared it's ugly head. My cousin said it was evident immediately, as her son's face contorted into a look of, at first surprise, then complete horror. He ran to his mother to inform her that he was indeed in a precarious position. Here they were in Disney, of all places, miles away from the sanctity of their hotel room, with a slight, shall we say.......issue.
What to do? What to do?
Seems dad took him into the men's room and they handled the problem like real men. They stripped the boy of his undergarments, cleaned up with the aid of some moistened hand towels and disposed of said undergarments in the trash receptacle located in the bathroom. Problem solved! Good for them that they did not let that little shart bastard ruin what was a fun family vacation.
I think the shart should be outlawed in all 50 states.
I'll bet when Ronnie James Dio sharted, IT REALLY ROCKED !!!
ReplyDeleteEwwww....
ReplyDeletePoor kid.
I used to work with a woman who sharted daily.
Perhaps hourly.
And frequently forgot to change.
I'm no longer hungry.
How old was the child? If he was under 15, that's sad, but over 15, that's comedy GOLD!
ReplyDeleteRonnie James Dio sharts stardust and rainbows.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, this is like the best post title ever.
But you run the risk of being plagiarized by that Indian dude again. You know, all that Indian food makes the odds of sharting go way up.
I've never had it happen to me, but on one gloriously comic occasion it happened to my lovely woman. I wasn't there, but my youngest sister was witness to the spectacle. Poor Gia.
ReplyDeleteThis happened to me years ago on my the way to the county courthouse to get my first passport. I'll never forget it as long as I live.
ReplyDeleteNo gas pain, no perculation down there whatsoever...no, nothing...then woops! WTF?! With pinched cheeks I made it the last two blocks to the courthouse, found the men's room and blasted away. To this day I still feel sorry for the other guy in the room. I'm sure the fact that I was giggling at myself a few stalls away from him made him wonder what was so funny.
I tucked the collateral damage garments behind the toilet, and signed up for my passport G.I. Joe-style.
I still laugh just thinking about the poor sap who had to clean that men's room, and the sight of their face when they saw the gift I left behind the toilet.
Masterful shart management . . . what a quick-thinker.
ReplyDeleteCandy, this one was out of left field, even for you.
Nice job.
Candy,
ReplyDeleteFunny piece, and points for the Ronnie James Dio 'shart' pic!
You know what's kind of funny?
ReplyDeleteI delayed my sharting story until next week in favor of talking about my son's first day of school.
Huh.
Now, here I was thinkin' I was all that - cause I'm down with the current lingo, and you hit me with "shart." I can't believe I didn't know that one, Girl!!! And why'd I have to hear about it this way? DANG!
ReplyDeleteJust back to replace my avatar missing from my above comment!
ReplyDelete(And I haven't even had a glass of Chardonnay yet. Hmmmmpf)
Hey, shart happens.
ReplyDelete"It's just a dollop in the dark."
ReplyDeleteWho dareth make fun of the Dio!?
ReplyDeleteWil Harrison.com
I'm with Wil - who dares to diss on the greatness that is the elf of metal? ;-)
ReplyDeleteThat must have been the most magical shit on Earth!
ReplyDeleteWait, I’m confused. I thought that was a normal fart? That has lumps and all? No? Man I got to brush up on my etiquette.
ReplyDeleteI like how I mention that I had a sharting story, and you guys all jump to the conclusion that I shit my own pants.
ReplyDeleteI love you, too.
I don't know which is more disturbing. The thought of sharting, or the fact that Dio's head looks five times too big for his body.
ReplyDelete