Friday, April 30, 2010

My Breif Stint As A Serial Killer: A Repost


In honor of my hometown teams ascent into the playoffs and my vicious love of all things sports, I'm reposting this little diddy to illustrate that here in Boston, we are born with that special kind of something that puts the "eek" in sports freak. Some of you may have already read it, and if so feel free to move along and have a great weekend bloggers.


Back in the 80's the Boston Celtics reigned supreme in the NBA. ( kinda like they do today) These were the good old days of Larry Bird, Robert Parish and Kevin McHale. Yeaah, I still wax sentimental when I think of the "Big Green" in those days. At the time, I was a young high school student without much of a social life, so the Celts became my constant companion. Even though a few decades have come and gone since then, I still remember the incident with the clarity as if it happened just yesterday.

It was a Friday night late in the spring of that year. Being the youngest in a family of five without a social calendar to adhere to, I was left alone in the house, as even my parents were out to dinner with friends. The Celts were playing the dreaded Detroit Pistons that night in a battle to sit atop the NBA. The Pistons were the team we loved to hate, with bad boys lining their payroll the likes the NBA has yet to see to this day. We're talking headliners like Bill Laimbeer, Isiah Thomas, and the reprehensable Dennis Rodman. Back in those days, Rodman was at work fine tuning his bad boy image; showing up to events in drag dressed as a bride, wearing black lipstick and make-up, and hanging out with Madonna. The dude was a freak! but he had serious game so the Pistons put up and shut up, as they say. It was always a dog fight when the Celts and the Pistons played, their disdain for each other no secret to any casual observer. Especially when the game took place inside the hallowed, historied walls of the Boston Garden and this night would prove to be no different.

It was a warm evening and our house had no central AC, so I had the windows open in my room which faced the south side of the house, not too far from my neighbor's house while I watched the game. And what a game it was! One of those legendary-once in a lifetime-triple overtime- with one-second-left-basket, to put the game into YET another overtime-game. I was jumping on my bed, going nuts! I remember shouting at the refs, shouting at the players, hootin and hollering and screaming thing like, "take that bitch!" and "die Laimbeer, die!" I am nothing if not a passionate sports fan. After the game was over and the Celts spanked the Pistons like the bitches that they were, I decided to go down to the kitchen to make myself a mini victory feast, a huge smile covering my face.

Our kitchen was accessible from the driveway on the south side of the house, and I had left the front door open, leaving just the unlocked screen door,between myself and the bright, shining light which was now glaring through the screen into my kitchen. As I turned the corner to enter the kitchen, and just before switching on the light, I caught a glimpse of the glare of the un-invited illumination and it stopped me dead in my tracks.

Panic paralyzed my body and my at one time victorious smile disappeared as I stood still while the next chain of events happened.

In one fell swoop, the screen door opened and four uniformed police officers descended upon me like a SWAT training exercise in progress. One officer scooped my up into his arms while the other officers, weapons brandished, scattered all over my house.

"Miss, are you alright?" the officer holding me shouted. "Are you hurt?"

Again, paralyzed by fear, I tried to utter some form of a response, but much like I was in the midst of a bad dream, I couldn't get the words out.

"Are you OK?" the officer pleaded again.

"Yeah," was all I could meekly utter, in the confines of the officer's protective grasp.

"What happened here?" the officer asked. "We got a call from the neighbors saying there were loud screams and what seemed like violence going on over here. Are you alone?"

By this time the other three officers were coming back from their search of a completely empty house, replacing their weapons in their holsters.

"Ummm. Yeah, I'm alone," I uttered, my face reddened with fear and embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. Everything's fine." I said. My face contorted into a meek, sort of coquettish grin as I said, "I was just watching the Celtics game."

Complete silence. For a good five seconds, which seemed like a lifetime because all I remember was the sound of the excessive pounding of my heart .

The sounds of uproarious laughter, which broke the silence, much to my relief, then filled the room and after a few moments, the cops started high fiving me and playfully patting me on the back.

"You'd better go tell your neighbor you are ok. She thought there was a murder taking place over here," a cop said.

"Ohh, this is good. I can't wait to tell the chief this one," another cop said.

"Hey, did they win? HAHAHA!!"

They all seemed to be having a good laugh at my expense. I didn't care. I was just grateful that I wasn't in any kind of trouble. Being 15 at the time, anything that involves the cops and no trouble was always a good thing. They then left my house, warning me to lock the door behind them and go to bed!

The funny thing is that the cops never forgot that night. I spent the next few years known, in my small town as "Celtics Fan" a title I wore proudly. They always cut me and my friends a little more slack at football games and home town events than the other kids. I guess the infamy I gained because of that evening served me well. My neighbor never quite got over it though. For a long while after the incident, she would shutter when she saw me. She probably still thinks I'm some sort of serial killer.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Cuz That's How I Roll


Today, I'm just letting it roll....



  • Further proof of my extra Y chromosome: I spent the entire day yesterday with 10 women in my store, trying to sell us stuff. Talk about a hen house full of cackling Hens! I had the worst headache when I left there and I couldn't get away fast enough. I am the biggest girly of girls on every given day, but 10 cackling? All at once? Really?It' like they have a pack mentality when they are together in a big group. Shut the F up! I needed silence if only for 5 minutes, but I got none. Is it wrong that all I wanted to do was have a beer and turn on the Sox game? Somethings not right.

  • Half a loaf of bread is better than none: I try to explain this to my kids all the time. Be grateful for the blessings in life and focus on the positive. Don't try to keep up with everybody else. Who cares about the Joneses? Turns out the Joneses were a fictional family of actors who were sent to manipulate our consumer buying patterns.

  • Siobahn Magnus got kicked off American Idol last night: Despite the fact that this is the WORST season of Idol ever, Magnus was the best reason to watch. At least she wasn't predictable, and she has talent. I can't see how Aaron and Mike are still there and she is not. Go figure. This will be the most anticlimactic finale in history. The Shark has jumped for good.

  • Sandra Bullock adopts a baby and files for divorce: This story becomes more bizarre by the minute. Leave the woman alone and let her have some peace.

  • My EX-ASS thinks we are buddies: This is a good one. Because his pathetic ass is practically at rock bottom, I have been cordial to him lately. Which really means that I have answered my phone when he called. I'm not the kind to kick a snake when he's down. Or dirty dog, however that saying goes, but I sort of gave him some advice the other day. Problem is, I can't be nice to him. He thinks we're buddies now and calls 10 times a day. Inappropriate Idiot is his middle name. I'm so much smarter than I used to be, but he's too stupid to see that.

  • I have given up sugar: It seems to be working, too. I can have sugar-free treats at two meals a week, but no more. I'm finally feeling the results...12 pounds down and counting.

  • Beantown Sports Madness: I'm not going to go all superior on you. Not today. I'm just going to live in the moment and hope that my good karma scores me either Celtics tickets or Bruins tickets. Did I mention they have both advanced to the second round in the playoffs?

  • My new employee starts today at the store: I can't wait....

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Not Much Glee


Glee was strange last night.

In last night's episode, they went all drama on us. I'm not saying it didn't work, I'm just saying it was strange.

In what I will call Drama #1, we get to learn a bit more about Kurt, (Chris Colfer), whose story line gets some major play. We learn that Kurt successfully plots to fix up his dad (Mike O'Malley) with Finn's mom (Romy Rosemont) so that he can become a "family" with his boyhood obsession, Finn (Coey Monteith). Kurt gets a derserved solo, "A House is not a Home", which is a sweet and soft ballad he sings to a visibly uncomfortable Finn. We also find out that while Kurt thinks he wants to merge the two families, he soon realizes that his father and Finn just may have more in common than he and his father, putting Kurt's own relationship with his father in jeopardy. Some of the best dramatic moments of last night come when O'Malley and Colfer are alone discussing that despite their differences, they still love and care for each other. And we believe them.

"Could you leave please? I am a half hour behind on my moisturizing routine and now I'll have to get up early, " was a priceless, gem of a line Kurt delivers to his father after their talk.



In Drama #2, Mercedes (Amber Riley) is told by Sue (Jane Lynch) that in order to stay on the Cheerios she must loose 10 pounds in a week. Mercedes is left to worry and wonder about whether or not it's all worth it. She nearly starves herself, and when Artie (Kevin McHale) and
Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) express concern, Mercedes looses her cool and her vision, as they both begin to resemble junk food. She passes out, to wake up in the nurses office and Quinn (Diana Agron) is there to explain to Mercedes she knows exactly how she is feeling, as she has been there. The two share a nice bonding moment. Riley then delivers the performance of the show, and possibly the year? when she sets McKinley High and Sue Sylvester straight with her mind blowing rendition of "Beautiful". This girl got pipes and she knows how to use em'! I was almost on my feet at the end. Bravo on the message and the song. It doesn't get any better than this.



Drama #3 gives all us Kristen Chenoweth fans a healthy dose of her beautiful voice. Chenoweth returns as April Rhodes, a former schoolmate and paramour of Mr. Schuster (Matthew Morrison), who is owner/operator of a roller palace. What a delicious and prophetic setting, Rinky Dinks Roller Rink, for the alcohol abusing, shifty grifter that is April Rhodes. We also find out that April has a heart. April and Shue sing a duet to "Fire" that leaves me wanting more. Seriously, where has this sexy hunk of man been all my life? And Chenoweth and Morrison exhibit their smokin chemistry when April invites herself to Shue's house for a sleepover. In "One Less Bell to Answer" we feel sorry for both of these adults who find their lives are void of any real love. April end's up "full-time fancy" when her rich, married, boyfriend dies and his widow pays for her silence to the tune of two million $$!! She finds philanthropy and buys the auditorium for the Glee club, which she christens with a wonderful rendition of "Home" complete with an evening gown, Hollywood lighting and the Glee club as back-up. I hope we see more of April/Chenoweth and I would LOVE to see a Idina Menzel/Kristen Chenoweth reunion in the future. It would be so WICKED!!

The men in my household, who have no choice but to watch, dubbed this episode as "weak". I explained to them that a true Gleek does not care what Chenoweth sings, as long as we can listen to her sing and that it takes a great show to dig deep and pull out some emotional depth. I think it worked, but I may need to watch it again to be sure.
And no Lea Michelle solos? At all? This new alliance with the Devil, Jesse St James, is making me sick, as all episode they were like two dogs in heat. I hate them. But I was too mesmerized by the golden pipes of Chenoweth to really notice Michele's absence. I hope Finn bitch slaps St. James back into Vocal Adrenaline obscurity soon. Now that would be some good TV!
All in all, I'd have to say Glee was different last night.
It was about being different last night.
And about the different choices we are sometimes forced to make.
And I liked it.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sunny Funny Honeymoon

The wedding planning is going along smoothly, so far, with a just few things left to do. One of them is the honeymoon. We have yet to finalize it because, it seems we can't agree.

At issue: Destination

I want to go to Greece. I've been talking about it for three years and I think it would be perfect.

He does not want to travel for 13-14 hours away from the kids, (yet I do) and we only have about 8 days.

The week we are gone is the first week of school for Frick and Frack (his first time in HIGH SCHOOL). My sister will stay with them for the first week and my parents can fill in for a few extra days. Plus, I have 3 too many dogs, and they make my house a crazy house. 8 days is about the max we can squeeze out.

SO at this point, the options are:

Anguilla-Cap Jaluca Resort

Cabo San Lucas-The One and Only Resort

St Barts-Any resort advice?

Mustique-????

Brittish Virgin Islands-????

Turks and Caicos-Parrot Cay Resort-we have already been here and loved it so much, it has become the standard by which we measure all resorts. BUT-I think we'd rather go somewhere we have not been.

I feel we are blessed to be able to even consider such wonderful options, so we both want it to be special. We are leaning the Cabo San Lucas way, because The One and Only seems to be an amazing resort.

Any advice bloggers??

Where is your dream destination?

What have you got? Dazzle me with your travel prowess....

Monday, April 26, 2010

Guilty Pleasure

Here's a Daily Dandy first! I swear, I'd never believe you if you told me, and I NEVER, ever thought these words would ever come from my mind, realm or stratosphere, but....

I'm really worried about Brett Michaels condition.

Latest reports have him listed in critical condition in ICU at an undisclosed hospital following a brain hemorrhage at the base of his skull. I am worried for Brett and I am pulling for him and his family. Seriously, I have grown quite fond of Poison's front man because I must admit to my latest guilty pleasure....The Celebrity Apprentice.

Yes, that Celebrity Apprentice.

Thanks to the magic of On-Demand (and too much time on my hands), I'm all of a sudden hooked on the show that they call "the most absurd reality show on television". And Mr Brett Michaels has earned my respect. Aside of all the cat-fighting, back-stabbing and "bus throwing under" that goes on on that show, Brett has not participated in any of the former and has pretty much done everything that has been asked of him and done it well. Granted, the dude has a strange way of getting to his point, and some have criticised him for wasting time getting to the point, but he has made it all work, and in most cases, ended up doing all the work.

Brett was pegged from the first show as the "weak" one by the ladies team. It's the so called "weak" ones who you have to watch out for. He has mastered the art of turning his way-past-it's-prime, 15 minutes of 80's fame, into dollars and sense and in the process made himself a Reality TV star with tons of fans. Female fans. You gotta watch those rockers, they have the edge, I tell ya.

I'm throwing out my prediciton that he won the whole thing.

I hope he's going to be ok, because I think he may just be a good human. He portrays himself as a aging rocker, but he has revealed a super soft spot for his young daughters and his family. I hope he pulls out of it soon.

Get well Brett. Nobody can Rock the boardroom like you.

Friday, April 23, 2010

NSFW Friday Funny

So, I thought this was hilarious on so many levels. And wrong on so many levels.
So wrong.

And definitely NOT suitable for work. (Boobie alert)

The clip runs 2:44, and if you have the time, listen to the whole thing because the last exchange between the reporters is worth the price of admission.

Happy Weekend Bloggers!!


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Are You There Dad? It's Me,Candy.

20 years have passed since the last time I heard your voice, yet it seems like an eternity. I was a young girl when you left me, today I am a young woman.

I often see your face in my dreams and I reach out to touch your hands. Sometimes you are sick, sometimes you are not, but you are always smiling. Once, you were playing cards at a table with some others. Always the center of attention. The comic. Even the spirits are attracted to your Dean Martin swagger. You come to me as I knew you, with your Sculley cap and Members Only jacket, and I know that wherever you are, you are always with me.

What do you think of the person I have become? I often wonder.
What advice would you give me today? I often ask myself.

I got married once, and my brother stood in for you. Your son. You would have been proud. I am a mother now, and I hear your voice in my head some days telling me to be patient. You never met my children, your grandchildren, yet they know everything about you. I made sure of that. I am the keeper of your spirit and I will sprinkle bits of it over them like a magic pixie dust when they need it. It is your legacy. That spirit is a special something that is our birthright.

God knows you had far more than any human should.

We have taken good care of mom, or rather she has taken good care of us.
But you knew she would. It's why we all chose her. Her strength is inspiring.

And Papa, he has taken good care of us too. He's been an amazing role model for your family and he has taught me about integrity, respect and commitment. I sometimes think you must love him too, as you watch over us. He has fathered us right in your absence. He will give me away to another man this summer, and I think you wouldn't have it any other way.

I know you will be there, with me, on that day.
I know that you are with me wherever I go.
I know that you watch over me as I watched over you.
I know that you watch over my children.

Thank you for being there when I call out to talk to you. Somehow, I always get your message.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Glee Gauntlet


Attention Gleeks: I'm throwing down my Glee gauntlet, and making Wednesday's at the Daily Dandy about all things Glee. Maybe we will change some of my readers minds about TV's newest phenomenon, and possibly add some new devotees to the already millions of frustrated theatre geeks who are vicariously living their personal "moment in the spotlight" through this TV dramedy/musical genius.

In last night's episode, the most highly anticipated episode of this second season, McKinley High School is transformed by the music of Madonna.




Glee's Sue Sylvester, a hilarious Jane Lynch, resident villain and coach of the much decorated McKinley High cheer leading squad, "Cheerios" decides to channel her inner power through pop icon Madonna. She utilizes her blackmailing prowess with the school principal Figgins to infuse the high school with the power of Madonna. She demands that Madonna be played through the school PA system, at "earsplitting volume" continuously throughout the day. She unwittingly inspires her arch nemesis, Will Schuester, a super hot Matthew Morrison, head of her academic budget rival Glee Club, to tap into the power of the Material Girl.

Mr Shue, as he is known, stumbles into the gymnasium to catch the Cheerios as they rehearse a red hot dance number on stilts, to Ray of Light. Sue calls the performance "sloppy and sad" and screams through her mega phone that "somewhere Madonna is in a well appointed English country house, weeping". Some hilarious, obligatory comments about Mr. Shue's hair then send Shue on his way. Mr Shue, in turn, assigns Glee Club to come up with Madonna material to promote strength and power in a positive way.


The girls immediately take the reins first as they perform Express Yourself, which starts out in McKinley's choir room and morphs into a multi-colored, corseted version of Madge's original and ends up as a full on stage version. (was it me or did Quinn's baby belly disappear?) Our Glee heroine, Rachel, a supremely gifted, Lea Michelle, who the producer of the show called, "a once in a generation voice", and her romantic lead, Finn, hot newcomer Corey Monteith, then perform what is fast becoming a Glee signature, the "mash-up" of Madonna's Borderline/Open Your Heart. This is my favorite of the night, as it illustrates the youthful angst of their passion for each other and the obstacles their newly appointed love triangle is to face. Goose bumps kiddes. More on that later. I also think both Michelle and Monteith can pretty much write their own ticket right now when it comes to Hollywood. "Glee is hawt, Dog!"

In a surprise twist of turns, Shue finally makes a "wilding diss" on Sue's dikey doo in front of the kids and hits a nerve with the usually unshakable Sylvester. Moved by their social outcast status, Kurt,(Chris Kolfer) and Mercedes, (Amber Riley) approach the enemy and join forces to produce what will some day become TV history, the Glee Vogue video starring Sue as Madonna. The fast become "frenemies" and before you can say Benedict Arnold, Kurt and Mercedes are front and center, dressed as Cheerios at the assembly performance of Madge's 4 Minutes. Mercedes and Kurt explain to a flabbergasted Shue that since he is "always relegating them to second lead status" in the Glee club, they are now doing both Cheerios and Glee Club so that they too can soak up some spotlight.

Then in a WTF kind of moment, rival show choir leader, Jesse St. James (Jonathan Groff) shows up at McKinley and announces to the entire Glee club that he has quit Vocal Adrenaline, the New Direction's/Glee club's biggest competition in show choir competition, and moved into McKinley's district so he can now attend McKinley and prove his love to Rachel by joining Glee club.

And I'm pissed.

Even though this Jesse St. James is dreamily adorable, he is no Finn, and he is so obviously using our innocent but opportunistic Rachel. Needless to say, my face was contorted into a chagrin for the rest of the episode. The boy is most certainly up to no good and most certainly in cahoots with Vocal Adrenaline's director, a sneaky and sexy Idina Menzel. This story line is not over and the fight for Rachel's affections continue.

Rachel decides that sex is what she need to do to keep Jesse, as Finn is simultaneously seduced by Dakota, the resident ho, who advises Rachel to "never say no" like she does when Rachel inquires to the girls about what to do when your man gets pissy over stopping the romantic momentum. The pheromones must be wafting from the moths that reside in Shue's hair (inside joke) because innocent Emma Pillsbury (Jayma Mays), McKinley guidance councilor and love interest of our Mr. Shue, is inspired by her Madgesty's take charge reputation and announces that she is going to take charge of her virgin status and "do the nasty" with Shue.

The trio of virgins, Finn, Rachel and Emma then perform a seductive dance around the bed with their partners to Like A Virgin and out of the three, guess who goes through with it?

Does it always have to be the guy?

The nothing-ness Finn feels after only serves to confirm the fact that he would be better served actually liking his partner. The club rounds out the night with a group performance of Like a Prayer and always leaves me each episode, wanting more.

So here's a bit of what will become TV history, in case you missed it.

Last night Glee was brilliant, epic and just plain fabulously entertaining.





Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Shoe-lanthrophy


See those gorgeous little puppies above? Those "practically perfect in every way", pair of wonderful shoes just made me a "shoe-lanthropist". How awe-inspiring is that? I don't think I have ever felt as good about spending some money. Because with every purchase of Toms shoes, the company will donate a new pair of shoes to a child in need with their groundbreaking One for One program. The company was founded on that basic principle.

So let me get this straight, because I bought a pair of fabulous shoes for myself, a child in another country will benefit by receiving a much needed pair of shoes? Because of me? Really?
It took me a moment to let this sink in. I needed to know more.
A quick trip to Toms.com gave me all the answers I needed.




From Toms.com:

"In 2006 an American traveler, Blake Mycoskie, befriended children in Argentina and found they had no shoes to protect their feet. Wanting to help, he created TOMS Shoes, a company that would match every pair of shoes purchased with a pair of new shoes given to a child in need. One for One. Blake returned to Argentina with a group of family, friends and staff
later that year with 10,000 pairs of shoes made possible by Toms caring customers".

Further reading reveals that because these children did not have shoes, the spread of disease which is transmitted through the soil, was rampant and that some of these children could not attend school because they did not have shoes.

"Since our beginning in May 2006, TOMS has given over *600,000 pairs of shoes to children in need through the purchases of caring customers.
*As of April 2010"

Wow, what a mission! Not only are the shoes adorable, chic, and comfortable, but they make you feel completely guilt-free for spending the money, and how can you beat that? I'm telling you, check out the shoes. Seriously, you will love them. And how could you not feel great about buying more than one style? My whole family has them,(except the guys, but Father's Day is right around the corner).

If Toms is making the world a better place, does that make me a better person for buying them?
Maybe yes, maybe no.

To get the definitive answer, you'd probably have to ask the child who was on the receiving end of my One for One swap.

Monday, April 19, 2010

A True Red, White & Blue New England Patriot


Betcha didn't know that today is a holiday here in the great state of Massachusetts. It's called Patriots Day and I love it because:

  • My store is closed. YIPEE! Day off!!

  • No school!! YIPEE! Day off!!!

  • It's the 114th running of The Boston Marathon.

  • The weather is beautiful. (after a rainy weekend)

  • The Sox play a matinee at home. (here's hoping they win the last one of 4 with Tampa, foiling any sweep chances)

  • It's a great excuse to go into the city and have a few drinks with friends on a beautiful day.

  • It gives me a great excuse to post a picture of My Tommy. Any day for that is a great day!

You all enjoy your day also, and us "Mass-hole's" will be thinking of you all while hoisting a frosty Margarita at lunch, and wearing sunglasses on the outdoor patio of some fabulous Boyston Street eatery, watching the marathon runners jog by, and then joining the thousands of people who also have the day off and have descended upon our fair city.

Peace!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Ever Wonder Why It's Called The King Of Beers?

Happy Friday Bloggers!

Have a cold one on me.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I Didn't Sign Up For This...Or Did I?



I've got to make this quick today because, believe it or not, I have to make a house call this morning. Yup, a house call. We make-up artists are amazing people, I tell ya. Anyway, I'm in a bit of a tizzy over the hiring of an employee. Dang, no one said it was going to be easy, but no one prepared me for this...


So I put the word out to some of my former colleagues and told them I needed someone part time. 2 days a week, minimum, which is 14 hours. I got a lead from one and I followed up. The girl is fantastic! She has years of experience as a make-up artist and she is a licenced esthetician. Which means that she is an expert in skin care, which means she can sell my highest priced item and one that will keep customers coming back. This is all good. Very good.


She calls me and we set up a time for her to come to the store. She comes and she is knowledgeable, adorable, and eager to join ranks. I'm liking her so far. I explain to her that I need two days a week, one during the week and one or two Saturday's a month, to which she replies, "Great." She's a mom, so Sat may work better for her, she says, but she can't do every Sat. I understand, believe me I do. If I can have two Saturday's off a month, I am golden. We talk compensation, to which she agrees. We part ways with the understanding that she will email me her schedule.


I get to work yesterday and I have three emails from her, one of which asks about cash incentives for meeting daily sales goals and about compensation for travel. Hmmm. I'm not opposed to this at all. As a matter of fact, I like her initiative. So I (me and My Guy) come up with a fair and attractive incentive package, which if she meets or exceeds her goals, will give her some nice cash at the end of each month. She likes it. I then ask for her schedule. She can't start until May and she can only commit to Tuesday's and one Sat in May. Huh?


So I send her a very nice email explaining that maybe I wasn't clear. Even though in every email thread I specifically state that the job is a 2x a week commitment, she might not have understood. I need her additional dates for May AND I was hoping I could get her in in April, as this is peak buying season. She emails back that that is all she can commit to right now.

What the F?? I'm seriously at a loss here, because am I an idiot or did she just completely re-neg on everything we agreed to?


I'm thinking this is not a good sign and my gut tells me to tell her no way. BUT-she's an ace with all these great references and credentials. I know she can sell my product and with her incentive package, even for two days, it's a win win for both of us. BUT, I need someone to commit to two days so she can build a clientele and make an impact immediately.


Any advice?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

No Wok Today

Hung Chow calls his work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick.
Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.
That makes everything better and I go to work.
You try that.

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.
'I do what you say and I feel great!
I be at wok soon........You got nice house'.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Have You Seen Chelsea Lately?



Saturday night my girls and I went to see a live performance of Chelsea Handler. If you're not familiar with Chelsea, she is a stand-up comic, author, and TV personality with her own show on the E Channel called Chelsea Lately. Before Saturday, I had seen no more than highlights of few episodes of Chelsea Lately, (way past my bedtime) and had not read her best selling book, "Are you there Vodka? It's me Chelsea", (although it has been highly recommended) so I was not quite up on Chelsea's comedic "schtick". I just knew that she was funny.

What I was not prepared for was her demeanor on Saturday night. She was loaded. And I don't mean "flush with cash". No, she was full on smashed and outright nasty, but none-the-less hilarious. Drunk must be her "thing" because the fresh-faced, crude but bright and bubbly, 35 year old Chelsea on TV is not the same Chelsea uncensored on stage. No way.

The show started with a stand-up by Heather McDonald, a regular on Chelsea Lately, who was almost funnier than Chelsea. Handler then came on and it was apparent immediately that we were in for a ride. She came on carrying a drink, which we can only assume is some kind of vodka concoction. Brash, rough, crude and inappropriately hilarious, Handler almost relishes the fact that she has a drinking problem, to which a few minutes of comedy is dedicated. She also lets us know immediately that she is single and damn happy to be. And it's funny, yes.

What wasn't funny was how dark her beloved "drunk" seemed to make her. She was just plain nasty and I got the feeling that she was not entirely enjoying this. Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe they ran out of vodka, but this Chelsea looked tired, worn, irritated and way more than her 35 years should look. Beside a momentary giggle, the only bright point of the entire stand-up was when she told a heckler to, "shut the F**K up".

Look at this woman. She's beautiful, smart, funny, talented and making it in Hollywood. Kudos baby! Drop the nasty drunk and you've got the Chelsea we see on TV every night. But add in some alcohol and what you get just might shock you. If the dark, nasty drunk thing is a schtick, I'm here to tell her it's not working to her advantage. If it's not, than it just may be a cry for help. Whatever the case may be, Chelsea Handler has a fan in me. And I'm sure she could care less what I think.......

If she were here, I know she'd just tell me to "shut the f**k up" anyway.

Monday, April 12, 2010

PT Barnum Warned Me About This

If it's true that a sucker is born every minute, then it is true that I was born on that very minute. And if that is true, then Sucker is my middle name. I am a Sucker with a captial S. A retailer's dream. That demographic that even I, as a business woman, yearn to tap into. Middle aged, incomed, educated, with a few extra bucks to blow.

My name is Disposable Income Sucker Sally...."Hi, Sally."

Today the Holy Grail of disposable income gadgets arrives and to me it's like the second coming of our Lord. Well not really, but you get the point. I'm kind of excited. The funny thing here is, it's not even MINE. I bought it for My Guy for his birthday. His birthday was in February and because he is supremely awesome and totally makes sure my birthday is observed as the National Holiday that it should be, I was stumped for that special gift for him this year.

Then I saw Mr. Jobs with the latest gadget at a press conference and I knew he had to have it. Mind you, three years ago I bought him the iphone, when they first came out, for his birthday and that went back to the store the next day and ended up being a pair of Allen Edmonds shoes instead. Whatever, he's Verizon and I'm AT& T. I get it. He's Mr. PC and I'm Justin Long, but I knew immediately that this would be the perfect gadget for him.

So when his birthday came, we wrapped up some fabulous, Red Sox apparel, his favorite, and some new underwear and sox and then told him the news.

ME: "It comes out in April and it will ship directly to you," I said.

HIM: "I don't want it," he said.

ME: "What? You're crazy. Well too bad because that's what your getting."

HIM: "We already have four laptops and more than enough PC's we don't need it."

ME: (cuz I'm just like this) "Oh well, that's what you are getting so you'll just have to figure it out."

I couldn't pre-order until the end of March, and when I was at the Apple store, replacing my water-logged ipod from the flood, I noticed the sign up for the ipad and felt a pang of guilt. I thought about spending $600 bucks on something he really didn't want. Something I wanted more than he did, and I thought about the million other things I could do or should do with that money, and with the wedding and all, and I sulked away without buying it.

No more than a week later, very quietly, I got an email forward from My Guy that was simply an ad from Apple announcing the arrival of the ipad. Nothing more. It was all I needed. And we have been counting down the days till it's arrival. The last thing I said to him before bed last night was, "It arrives tomorrow."

I'll give you my review in a week or so.

I hope....

You think he'll let me play with it?

Friday, April 9, 2010

6 Reasons Why We Are Way So Much Cooler In General

So RW wrote a post the other day about why his Chicago White Sox are "much cooler than you". In that post he called myself and BE Earl out for being the most passionate fans on the planet, who are engaged in the greatest sports rivalry of all time. HA! Kids these days...

Earlsie then took to the sphere with his rendition of why the Evil Empire strives to be cooler, and being a bleeding red, white and blue Sox fan I had to follow suit. So fellas, step aside. It's time for the real "show" to start. (see what I did there? little baseball euphemism...)

#1. We are the Cubs Daddy: Just ask Pedro Martinez, cuz he coined the phrase. The Cubs are nothing more than a poor man's Red Sox. As I stated on RW's blog, we left those losers in the dust in 2004 and fact is fact. There is no more "wait until next year" because we turned around and did it again in 2007, proving that Cubbie's and every other poser, we be your daddy! Dare I say it, sometimes, (and I mean SOMETIMES) I kind of miss that underdog, loser team that we used to be. At least when we lost we could all agree to how bad we sucked. In that we were unified. But taking a look at our 2 shiny and spankin' new World Series trophies this decade puts all those feelings of inferiority to rest. History baby. We made history.



#2. You can be Bad Ass, I'll take the Idiots any day: Lovable idiots. They are the ones who brought us home the hardware. They had long hair, beards, cheeks stuffed with chew and baggy pants and they didn't care. And neither did we. We loved them as long as they were winning. And win they did. They took the Nation on a ride one October in 2004 that we will NEVER forget. Grown men cried and women who cared nothing about sports were suddenly spewing *Pedro* pitching stats like Jerry Remy. Grubby dirtbags who shocked the world and Reversed a Curse, making the stuff of legends.


Heroics, sacrifice, determination and drive are what those idiots coughed up and when the end of the ALCS championship was over, this Nation had really won the World Series. The Cardinals were just a technicality. Major League Choke makes Major League history. Those bloody sox are seated at the right hand of the Hall of Fame.


#3. Sweet Caroline: It's actually very cool that the Na-na-na-na chant heard 'round the world originated in Cominsky, but we invented a true blue Fenway tradition. No other ballpark in the world delays the play of game in the seventh inning so that it's fans can sing Neil Diamond's classic, "Sweet Caroline". It's ours and ours alone. We may look and sound like idiot's, but we don't care. No self respecting Red Sox fan would dare leave a game before "Sweet Caroline". (unless we were being brutally spanked) It's so good, so good, so good! Also, I believe Jordan's Furniture, a local furniture company was the first ever to run a promotion before the start of the 2007 season:

"As a promotion in 2007, Jordan's offered full rebates on certain pieces of furniture bought between March 7 and April 16 - provided the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. The store took out an insurance policy for approximately twenty million US dollars. Since the Red Sox did win the World Series, Jordan's Furniture gave an estimated 30,000 qualified orders away for free."

#4. Disco may suck, but Fenway believes, "Long Live Rock": The Boss, The Stones, The Police, Neil Diamond, Buffet, and McCartney are just a few of the Rock and Roll legends to have performed on the fields of "America's most beloved ballpark" to an adoring nation. This summer our very own Bad Boys of Rock & Roll Aerosmith, will perform and I will be front and center. The Stones concert was so mammoth, that rumor had it almost destroyed left field irreparably. The Winter Classic played at Fenway this year?? Poetic and beautiful. It brought a tear to a sports fan's eye.









#5. Harry God Damn Frazee, sucker: The bastard owner of the Red Sox who sold Ruth to the Yankees in 1919 and kicked off The Curse. All for a skirt and a Broadway show called, "No, No Nanette". Before then, the Red Sox were one of the most successful baseball teams in the majors, winning the first World Series and five more since the first. That all came to a halting stop after The Babe was sent packing. The rest is 86 year history. Bastard.






And Number 6???: This is The Nation.






It's not pretty, but we own it. It's the only place in the world where sitting down with your kids to have "the talk" means talking and teaching "Yankees smack-talk".

Any questions?

*this has been edited for accuracy*

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Thankful Thursday


I have no right to complain........today I'm just thankful.
What was that you said on Monday, Heff, in my weight loss post?
"The "start weight" version of the girl in the photo is the most fun IN THE SACK, mark my word !"
You still standing by that?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Letting Your Freak Flag Fly

Today's post is dedicated to my blogger buddy RW of 1 Step Beyond. He dropped the term " "letting your Freak Flag fly" last week and I have adopted it as my own. Thanks dude.


If you read The Dandy regularly you know that I have some serious opinions about whatever the topic of the day may be. Sometimes I'm goofy, inappropriate, lazy, wrong, right, passionate, funny and not. But I'm never afraid to let my Freak Flag fly. Or should I say Gleek Flag.

Next Tuesday night the poster children of Freak Flagged-ness are coming back and I can't wait. The charm of the Fox TV phenomenon Glee is that it allows you to release your inner Stephen Tyler and embrace your geek. Even if you don't care for the edgy story lines, you gotta love the music. Like the top "dawg", Randy Jackson himself said just last night, "Glee is hot right now, dawg." I let my Gleek flag fly regularly because I have both Glee albums down loaded on my ipod. It's fun music to help pump up my workout!

Personally this season, I'd like to hear a lot more of Artie, the Glee clubber who uses a wheelchair. I love the tone of his voice and more of resident diva Rachel, who gives me goose bumps when she performs. Fire up the DVR's because the Glee cast is on the Oprah show today, pimping out their much anticipated return to TV next Tuesday after Idol. AND...they're going to perform the classic, "Don't stop believin", the Journey classic that put them on the map.

Being a Freak has never been so chic!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My Battle Of The Bulge Diary

Dear Diary,
I'm getting married this year and I refuse to be fat. Period. No FAT. No WAY.

I got engaged in early December, ate my way through the holidays and then got serious Jan 1, 2010. I began a workout regimen, worked my butt off almost every day, and followed a strict Weight Watchers plan and waited for results.

Nothing happened.

I was disheartened when by mid February, I had only lost 3 pounds because I was working my butt off, but not literally. I saw my doctor around the same time and found that I was loosing something alright. I was loosing my hydration levels and by doing so I was slowing down my metabolism even more. Also, since I quit smoking, she told me that my metabolism may take a year to balance out, since I no longer have the nicotine to speed it up. So basically I was f*cked!

I thought I was going to go buy a pack and light up right then and there. Why not? It may even help me loose, I thought. But a funny thing happened. I didn't. And I didn't give up. I kept on working out and I kept on "tweaking" my diet. And one day last week I jumped on the scale and I had lost 8 pounds.

8 pounds.

It's almost like winning the lottery; almost but not quite. I finally got the motivation I needed and I hope to turn this 8 pounds into 20 more. Today I feel like I can do it. I've never been fat, but I've never been as "squishy" as I felt when I started this. I'm beginning to see a firmer, more solid me, and I like what I see. Will it always be a battle, Diary? Will I have to be my own Patton in my personal Battle of the Bulge? Bring it on. I will fight this thing to the finish.

And here's where it gets tricky. Does it ever finish? Do I ever get to relax and eat bonbons? Do I really want to? If I play my cards right I may be able to find the balance between bonbon days and healthy days. And I can never give up. Because the second I do, I am doomed to "squishy" forever. Solid is where it's at. It's a better me. It's a healthier me and it's a happier me. It's also a bevy of fabulous clothes to wear on the honeymoon and some La Perla, just for fun. Yeah, I know I can, so I forge on, diary.

More later. Thanks for listening.

xoxo

Candy


Monday, April 5, 2010

A Nation Comes Alive

Like a fish to water and a bee to honey, The Nation came to life last night as we welcomed our boys of summer back. The plush green fields of Fenway opened it's doors to the first game of it's business at hand, and the proverbial blood began to pump through every Red Sox fan throughout. It was electric, and even if you weren't a true fan, you stopped for a moment to marvel at the hometown team as they took center stage.

In a surprising maneuver, Pedro Martinez, wearing of all things, his old number 45 Red Sox jersey, came from behind an enormous American flag to hurl out the ceremonial first pitch to Jason Veritek. Just like the old days. Pedro was "our daddy" and the crowd went nuts and began chanting "Pedro, Pedro, Pedro..." There might not have been a dry eye in the house as he embraced Red Sox favorite Johnny Pesky.

Josh Beckett got the nod against our arch rival nemesis, the returning World Series Champions, Evil Empire New York Yankees and about two seconds after the first pitch, it felt as if they never left us for winter. Beckett was hit hard in the first few innings, and I have to admit I went to bed with the Sox trailing 5-1 early, thinking this was going to be a long year.

I should have known better than that.
I should have known that our boys had some pixie dust left over from 2007.
Because I woke up to find that my team had done it, yet again.

They beat the Evil Empire 9-7 and I couldn't get to the TV quick enough to see what I had missed. Pedrioa, Youklis, and a few new faces scraped and clawed their way up and out of the loss and brought us a victory. I even forgave Papelbon for his monumental, season-ending choke last year, and I was glad to see he closed it out for the win.

Ah, Sox baseball is back, and I couldn't be happier. Today we have a better record than the Yankees in the AL East and right at this moment, all is as it should be.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Happy Easter...A Really Bad Poem


I wish for you joy and peace on Easter Sunday.
Enjoy, because soon enough it will be back to work on Monday.
Let's color eggs and stuff big baskets.
And could you tell me what the heck is "a tisket, a tasket"?

I hope your hunny gives you a chocolate bunny,
and inside stuffs some serious ca$h money.
Peeps are yummy, sticky and super fattening.
I hope the rise in sugar does not cause any "heart attack-ening".

Forget the calories, sugar, and fat
because Easter candy is where it's at.
Who care's if the kids get pissed when you eat thier stuff.
Screw em'! Those spoiled brats, they get enough.

In the end, let's be thankful to enjoy the day with family and friends handy.

To you and yours, a very Happy Easter from Candy's Daily Dandy.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Today's Special: Porn



What's your take on Porn?

Really, I want to know because I was out last night with Frick and her girl friends and couple of their mothers and we started talking about men and porn (not with the girls). And I didn't just wake up one day in the stupid tree, because I know all men view porn. That's just a fact. But here's a newsflash: Women view porn too! I think it's normal for people to view porn from time to time, any more than that and it could become a problem. Yes? No?

Do tell. Because I'm curious.

Today porn is more than Marilyn Chambers and a VHS tape hidden in your basement. Today porn is interactive. It can come to your front door and knock on it if you choose. Porn can chat with you on the phone for $7.99 for the first minute and $8.99 for the additional minutes. Porn is in our e-mail boxes. Porn can be viewed at the office, in your car, at the library, in a staff meeting, on the train, porn can even be viewed in a house and with a mouse-if that's what floats your boat. In our cyber world porn is omni-present. And easy. So what's acceptable and what's crossing over into the creepy?

I have some experience here and I say that porn can be the playground for the deviants. Now that's not to say that using pornography from time to time makes anyone a deviant. Hell no. I am saying that because most porn is dark and forbidden, the deviant in some can take over and turn a life upside down. I have see this first hand. But what about your average Joe, just getting jolly because his girl is out of the country for a month and porn is what's keeping him honest. Then porn becomes a public service? And how much is enough?

Give me some guidance here, bloggersphere. What's normal and what's not?