Friday, December 12, 2008

Cougarology 101


With the passing of another birthday, I fear I may have, by default, become the thing I hate the most.... a cougar. (no, please, stop, make it go away)!

That's right, the deadly, dreaded, Cougar of society. Now, for the sake of science, let's discuss this societal label.
What is this cougar crap anyway and why does the term have to sound so predatory and lethal. The dictionary defines the cougar as, "a large, powerful, tawny-brown cat". So I ask the question, how did this term become synonymous with attractive women of a certain age. The way I see it there are two terms women in this category could fall under, both equally degrading, but commonly used references none the less.


  1. The MILF- defined as a "Mother I'd Like To F**k"

  2. The Cougar-a divorced and or married sexually aggressive, attractive woman over 40.

I'll take the MILF label over the Cougar label any day. The term Cougar instantly implies that attractive women over 40, are always out for the kill, looking for their next sexual victim. Is this really the case? Or, once again, have a few bad apples spoiled it for the rest of us?

Take for example, an evening out with the girls: I consider myself to be somewhat attractive-not a total loss-with a fabulous fashion sense and a good eye for a designer's masterpieces. Couple that with the fact that I am a trained make-up professional and you've got the semblance of a pretty good finished product. Most of my friends worship at the same fashion houses that I do and almost all can wield a lipstick tube effectively. Between us all, we own enough "f**k me boots" to keep an entire grade of high school freshman in their seats during a math test on the chalkboard. For me, the motivation to get "dolled" up is for myself and my own self esteem. You know the old, look good, feel good thing. And really, we are still young. No, we are not throwing the towel in just yet.

Myself and said friends are at a bar having drinks, laughing, enjoying each other's company, when over walks a group of attractive, similarly aged guys. We all make small talk and exchange pleasantries, wouldn't want to be rude(or worse considered frigid!) One or two may break off into a small group to discuss politics or the recent economic crisis-whatever-we are all adults. Others are chatting and even flirting, dare I say it, the sexual energy hangs thick in the air. This may go on innocently for the rest of the evening then everyone retires home alone, happy for a great night socializing with friends.

Now I know that not every evening with a large group of over forty women goes according to this script. I am fully aware that there are deadly tan, overly dressed, overly fragranced, overly made-up, cougars out there just waiting to pounce on their next victim.

But let's use my example for our purposes today. I my scenario, where is the predatory behavior here?? Yes, we flirted. We're not dead, and god forbid I ever decide that a fetching appearance is not important-FOR MYSELF-first. In this scenario, where is the trap-set by the masterful, cunning, cougar to catch an unsuspecting male prey?

Are we a bunch of MILF's or Cougars?

24 comments:

LegalMist said...

I guess I always thought the "Cougar" label applied only if you were in fact exhibiting that predatory sexual behavior. In other words, the predatory sexual behavior is part of the definition.

So then, you would not be one. You'd just be a MILF. Or an attractive, nice woman who likes to be social at bars sometimes.

Some people might misapply the label sometimes, or might misinterpret your flirtation as predation and call you a cougar, but they would be wrong (IMHO).

Intersting word verification: combiden (come bidden -- almost sounds sexually predatory)

That damn expat said...

Earlier on some blog my word verification was cougarific.
I agree with LegalMist, you are a MILF not a cougar. And we are both lawyers and what we say goes! :-P

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Thank you so much ladies-I am sure that both of you belong in that category right beside me. So let it be law!

I also wanted to add that it is a well known FACT that women dress more for acceptance from other women than for men.

B.E. Earl said...

Since we are roughly the same age, I can't classify you as either.

Would you settle for "hawt"?

MelO said...

I also thought a 'cougar' had more to do with preying on the young and innocent twenty-something males. Like before they knew what hit them.

Sounds like you and your girlfriends are a bunch of hottie MILF's if you ask me!! :)

MelO said...

LMAO @ the 'young and innocent' comment. Since when are ANY males innocent?

tee hee hee

Dr Zibbs said...

I do find that the over 30 set are much for flirty. And may I add that you're very attactive. There. I said it.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Earlsie-Awww thanks- you are awfully sweet!

You too Zibsy! Thanks and I SWEAR I am not fishing for compliments. Just interested in the social implications of that WICKED term.

MeLO- You are so right! Yup there are those I spoke of who are in constant "pounce mode". Don't we all agree that MILF is much better?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I'd definitely agree with the MILF label. The way I understood the term Cougar was one that actively sought out younger men to sate their sexual appetites. Flirting keeps you from that. But, at the same time, I think there's a bit more of a shadowy sexuality about Cougar, almost an elegance, if you will. MILF, to me, has always implied that there is one use for the woman, and that's all.

Scope said...

To paraphrase the great philosopher, Forrest Gump: "Cougar is as Cougar does."

As said above, despite the objectification, MILF is the better term. It only applies to other's perseptions of your looks, not at your behavior. I wish there was a good term to describe these woman (and if you think I'm going to use the phrase "of a certain age" you are out of your minds.). Due to my age I use the term "In the pool" meaning "in my theoretical dating pool."

I don't necessarily agree with the 50% your age + 7 years rule that Wiki was touting.

And MelO, good thing you correct the "young and innocent" comment. Even when I was young and innocent, I wasn't that innocent.

So in summary, Cougar, like Dirty Old Man, or Sugar Daddy should be considered judgemental slights, why MILF or heaven forbid GILF (grandma) are poorly worded compliments.

And I totally agree with Zibbs. Your pretty easy on the eyes.

AngieS said...

well, wouldn't any sexually active mother be considered a MILF? (to someone, anyway...)

Julia said...

I would thing MILF, definately. You are not looking to take a 20 year old "on a ride"

Randy said...

OMG...Icame here to say thanks for your comment and sorry for you loss, and I mean that....but my maleness has taken notice, that's a fine T shirt. GO COUGARS!

Hard to be serious in the presence of the girls, it's such a weapon against us.

Stay well girl, keep blogging. You are too funny and a keeper...Tag, you're it.

Slyde said...

i for one, dont think there is anything wrong with EITHER category.

but im admittedly alittle bias, as i have, since i was a teen, always had it bad for older women..

Randy said...

SHE EXHIBITS WELL ...legalMist, you didn't take note of the T shirt?

Poobomber said...

MILF, cougar, it's all good!

I like the term cougars better - it's hot.

MILF always reminds me of the woman from American Pie who was kinda gross and dumb.

mike said...

I think either cougars or pumas (women in their late 20's and early 30's) can most definately be MILFs but don't have to be. But MILFs would have to be either pumas or cougars. Make sense?

I just made that up.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Can a MILF go for a Cougar?

bernthis said...

I have "cougar" moments but I'm with you. I love clothes and wear them for me. If in the process of doing so a man finds me attractive and he happens to be younger than me and I happen to be attracted to him, I go for it, does that make me a Cougar?

Leon Basin said...

Great post! :) hahaa

LYDIA said...

I think you can be both :) I don't think cougar is a bad thing. How was your weekend?

Lisa said...

My girls and I love to dress up, flirt with the boys and have some drinks too... We don't care what people call it. We have too much fun to care.

We're going to do it until we can't get our make-up on straight and zip up the boots anymore... and you know, we might still try! Noni does!

Andy said...

MILFs. Unless you're actively trolling for college boys, I think you're simply a MILF. Or perhaps just a good looking woman, no tag needed. Maybe you should create your own title.

Joe D. said...

I think you'd be classified as a MILF. . .

I love flirting with the hot older women. It's such an ego boost when a hot 42 year old flirts back with a 21 year old and that 21 year old being me lol.

I'm waiting for my first cougar experience and when it happens I'll be sure to tell you about it.